Virginia Supreme Court Justice Leroy R. Hassell addressed a full auditorium in Wilson Hall yesterday, focusing on the functions of the judiciary branch of government in Virginia.

Hassell, a 1977 graduate of the University, is the only black Justice on the seven-member state supreme court.

Hassell was the first of several speakers this semester for Government and Foreign Affairs Prof. Larry J. Sabato’s Introduction to American Politics class.

Each year, Sabato said he tries to bring in a speaker to lecture on the judicial unit of the popular class.

“Students enjoy the real world perspective,” Sabato said. “It takes the dry world of a textbook and brings it to life.”

Though Hassell was not able to speak on political issues or pending court cases, he spoke on varied aspects of the court and provided examples by discussing past cases.

Hassell said one challenge of being a justice is that it often involves making complicated distinctions between what is legally correct and morally correct.

“The great thing about being a justice is there are many things you cannot discuss,” Hassell said. “As a jurist it is my responsibility to apply laws even though I think they are unwise.”

He addressed the issue of capital punishment extensively in a question and answer period following the talk.

“I believe that capital punishment, if administered fairly, is appropriate,” he said.

Hassell said that in his tenure with the court, he had ruled on “the worst acts of depravity you could see.”

He also spoke on the duties of the court.

“We are a court of last resort,” he said.

The justices agree to hear only about 25 percent of the cases filed in the court, he added, though they do not have a quota.

A three-justice panel decides the cases that the court will hear based on injustices made on the appellants in the lower courts, disagreement with the original decision or if the case is important enough to write an opinion on.

“If any one member believes a case is worthy, he or she can grant an appeal,” he said.

Hassell said unlike the Federal Supreme Court, the Virginia Supreme Court decides who should write majority opinions two weeks in advance, based on what number justices draw from a hat.

Hassell offered his advice to current University students who aspire to great heights, to remain focused on their career goals.

“You can have a lot of fun here, but you have to keep your eye on the prize,” he said.

Eleven months and 158 charges later, the Honor Committee has finished all the investigations for the Bloomfield plagiarism cases.

So far, 38 students who took the Physics 105 and 106 courses, How Things Work, have been dismissed from the University, including those who admitted guilt before and after their investigation panels.

Of 59 cases referred to trial, twenty still are pending, and Committee Chairman Thomas Hall estimates they will not be completed until the end of the semester.

“We obviously are glad to have the investigation stage completed, and the process has been quite smooth,” Hall said.

Hall said he expected the trials to be finished last semester but now is confident they will finish by the end of the semester.

“The cases may have moved slower than anticipated, but the truth has been found in every case,” he said. “I don’t think there is anyone out there who would want to sacrifice truth for speed.”

Physics Prof. Louis Bloomfield filed charges against students last April, when the plagiarizing-detecting computer program he developed found similar words or consecutive phrases in students’ papers.

More than half of the Bloomfield cases – 88 in all – have been dropped at or before the investigative panel stage.

Hall said the number of cheating students in Bloomfield’s Physics 105 and 106 courses and in the University is extremely low.

“It’s important to realize that out of the 2,500 students who have taken How Things Work over the past five semesters, only one and a half percent, 38, are being dismissed as a result of cheating.”

Bloomfield has declined to comment until the remaining trials are completed.

“I have to stay quiet, and let due process take place,” Bloomfield said in a press release. “Students are innocent until proven guilty, and I want the process to run quietly and responsibly until it’s done.”

Of the two appeals that have been requested so far, one currently is pending and one was denied. No grievances have been filed.

Hall said he is pleased with the outcome thus far.

“If any message should come out of this, it’s that a very, very slim percentage of students at the University are choosing to cheat, and those that are choosing to cheat are being punished,” he said.

Hall said he hopes the Bloomfield cases will generate a deeper appreciation of the honor system.

“There’s certainly a greater awareness of the honor system in the wake of the Bloomfield cases,” he added. “I hope the faculty will see that the Honor Committee can do cases consistently and fairly.”

For College Honor Rep. Michelle Jones, the Bloomfield cases have brought honor closer to home.

“Even if students weren’t one of the 158 brought up, a lot of people had friends who were,” Jones said. “It made the honor system much more real for us.”

While the Greek system has been plagued with associations of “Animal House” antics, a new grant issued by the U.S. Department of Education can help change its image.

The $257,000 grant will be divided to fund non-alcoholic events sponsored by fraternities and sororities.

The amount of funding per event will be determined on a case-by-case basis by a committee of students from the University’s Center for Alcohol and Substance Education.

Inter-Fraternity Council president Phil Trout said he believes the grants will benefit fraternity life by strengthening unity among Greek organizations.

“It’s a great incentive for chapters from the different councils to come together for service and social events without the usual financial restrictions,” he said.

IFC public-relations spokesman, Ryan Ewalt said he believes the alcohol-free mini grants also signal a renewed emphasis on charitable involvement.

“Obviously, de-emphasizing alcohol is a good thing,” Ewalt said. “Eventually it sparks philanthropy and community service.”

Ewalt said applications now are available for Greek organizations wishing to apply for funds.

“I’d strongly encourage all fraternities to take advantage of these funds,” he added.

The money currently is limited to a randomly selected intervention group, including 10 chapters from the IFC, five from the Inter-Sorority Council and all chapters under the Black Fraternal and Multicultural Greek Councils.

“We’re starting out small because it’s more manageable,” CASE director Susan Bruce said. “Next year, the money will be open to all.”

Representatives from the four councils will determine the criteria for grant eligibility in the future, Bruce said.

“This just shows that when students are really invested, they can change the fraternity culture,” Bruce said.

Aaron Laushway, assistant dean of students for fraternity and sorority life, said the alcohol-free mini-grants send an important message to the University.

“It demonstrates that people can have fun, even when not drinking,” he said.

Laushway added that the addition of Phi Gamma Delta, a dry fraternity, suggests alcohol is not necessary during fraternity social events.

“Given the quality of the men, I expect Fiji will rapidly proceed through fraternity procedure to receive its charter,” he said.

Fiji officially re-colonized Monday night during a ceremony held in the Dome Room of the Rotunda.

Second-year College student Dorian Stacy Brown remains in critical condition at the U.Va. Medical Center after losing control of her Ford Taurus sedan and striking a tree early yesterday morning.

Both speed and alcohol were involved in the accident, however, the specifics of the incident remain unclear, according to the Albemarle County Police Department.

“Charges are pending in this case,” police Sgt. Forrest Grout said. “The officer handling the case is still determining whether or not to place charges.”

Brown, a 20-year-old female, was operating the 1993 four door sedan near the Rivanna Reservoir on Earlysville Road at 3:30 a.m., police officials said. While rounding a curve, Brown lost control of the vehicle and veered off the opposite side of the road, where the Ford Taurus flipped over and skidded into a tree. Emergency Medical Service workers extricated Brown from the vehicle and immediately transported her to the University hospital.

Brown had been traveling alone, going north on Earlysville Road when she lost command of the vehicle.

Asst. Dean of Students Stephanie Goodell, who is working with family and friends of Brown, referred to the accident as “very serious.”

Goodell encouraged any students affected by the accident to seek out support networks.

“Any friends of Dorian are encouraged to see [the Center for Alcohol and Substance Education], or anyone in our office,” Goodell said.

Each year almost 250,000 people are killed nationwide in alcohol-related accidents, while hundreds of thousands more are seriously injured, according to Albemarle County police.

“Clearly no one goes out and intends for anything bad to happen,” said Susan Bruce, director of the CAPS. “But sometimes everything goes wrong instead of right, and that is what can be dangerous.”

In an effort to reduce the number of alcohol-related vehicular accidents, Albemarle County police recently have initiated “aggressive detection and apprehension techniques,” including random sobriety checkpoints. At these checkpoints, drivers are pulled over for a review by police. The police check the driver’s license and look for obvious signs of drinking. The new checkpoint regulations have been upheld as constitutional by both the U.S. and the Virginia Supreme Courts.

Fourth-year College student Cavan Doyle is not getting any homework accomplished over Spring Break. Instead, she is doing something she finds much more worthwhile – traveling to Milan, Italy and Paris, two cities she never has visited before. Doyle has been planning her trip for some time and got her airplane tickets in November. She flies alone, but is meeting up with an Italian friend who lives in Milan who she became acquainted with two years ago during a summer volunteer program in Kenya.

Doyle said they are staying in Milan for a few days then both going to Paris for three more days. Regarding her plans in Paris, Doyle said, “I don’t even know! I feel like there is so much to do. I just want to walk around and look at everything and be in awe and just enjoy myself.

“I’m not even bringing books,” she added with a smile.

Fourth-year Engineering student Matthew Varthalamis has planned a Spring Break road trip with a twist. He is driving to Atlanta with four other members of 1-in-4, an all-male group focused on teaching other males how to support women who are victims of sexual assault or rape. There, they will give presentations to students at Emory and Georgia Tech on how to form their own 1-in-4 programs.

“Last semester I came up with the idea of taking the program on the road,” Varthalamis said. “This semester people kept asking me, ‘Are you going to do it?’ So I said, ‘I guess I’ll have to follow through.’”

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The group will pack their 1-in-4 shirts and tell students at each school about how the program works and let them ask questions.

“It’s hard to describe what we do until you’ve seen our program,” Varthalamis said. “Our hope is that they will want to start a chapter at these schools.”

Varthalamis said he hopes the trip, which has been dubbed “1-in-4′s Alternative Spring Break,” will become a regular part of the program’s activities.

“It will hopefully become a tradition,” Varthalamis said. “One of the original visions of the program was that it would be able to spread out this way.”

Although the most desirable Spring Break plans frequently include the beach, the sun and a pina colada, the weeklong break isn’t always about tanning and partying. For second-year College student Caroline Grummon, a paintbrush, spackle, hammer and nails will frequent her Spring Break scene. After an enormous cookie bake and a number of other fundraisers, Grummon and a group of students from the Wesley Foundation, a ministry of the United Methodist church, are flying to Mexico to take part in a weeklong service project. The students will help construct the new upper level of a pre-school in Cortazar, Mexico. Although Grummon may not return to the University with that sought-after tan, she will return with the satisfaction of knowing that she helped to establish a better educational facility for the pre-school’s 86 little children.

Fourth-year College student David Tyndall is planning to commune with wildlife on his spring break. Tyndall and a few friends are heading to New River Gorge, W.Va., for the beginning of break to do a little camping. Tyndall said that while he doesn’t have a lot of experience camping, he is really excited about the trip.

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“I’ve been once before in the Shenandoah Valley and that was really fun,” he said. “I really want to get out there and fell a tree, or build a fire or climb a mountain.”

However, Tyndall is a little concerned about the bears.

“There are lots of bears out there, so we’ll have to put our food up into the trees,” he said. “Hopefully it won’t get too cold, and hopefully I won’t be mauled by a bear. We’re a bunch of college kids who are going out into the wilderness and hoping we don’t die. It’s going to be really exciting.”

With a list of destinations like St. Marten’s, St. Thomas, St. John’s and a private island in the Bahamas, fourth-year Nursing student Rachel Dean’s Spring Break cruise promises to be one she’ll always remember. Even more amazing than the destinations, however, may be the price — the trip is only $500.

“We got on the Internet and looked through a bunch of different cruise sites,” Dean said. “The price doesn’t include air fare, but our air fare wasn’t that bad either.”

Dean and her friends, some of whom will be enjoying their last Spring Break, have been looking forward to the cruise all semester.

“This semester has been pretty tough for all of us,” Dean said. “Every day we keep saying, ‘Do you know what we’re going to be doing this time next week?’”

The group looks forward to being able to relax on their trip.

“We’re planning on doing some snorkeling, possibly even diving since I’ve done it once before,” Dean said. “Maybe a little bit of shopping, a little but of gambling, just in the slot machines, but definitely relaxing.”

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For many fourth years, this Spring Break will be particularly memorable as their last chance for a mid-season vacation. Fourth-year College student Paige Schaffter and about 14 of her friends are celebrating the occasion by taking a massive road trip together. The group, who all lived together in Maupin their first year and most of whom live together now, will take at least three cars when they leave Saturday morning. Their first stop is a beach house in Duck, N.C., near Nags Head.

Plans for the road, Schaffter said, include counting “south of the border” signs and playing traditional car games. Their next stop is Savannah, Ga., for St. Patrick’s Day to see the Savannah River dyed green.

“We’ll probably all go to Beach Week together, but this is our big group Spring Break trip,” Schaffter said. “It’s a last hurrah.”

Schaffter emphasized the value of being with friends on Spring Break, especially for the last time.

“It doesn’t really matter where you go for Spring Break,” Schaffter said. “It matters who you go with.

A coalition of five of the largest minority rights advocacy groups at the University is seeking special status under the Office of the Dean of Students.

The coalition consists of representatives from the Asian Student Union, Black Student Alliance, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Union, Latino Student Union and the National Organization of Women.

In seeking special status under the Office of the Dean of Students, the current coalition members hope to formalize the group to ensure that it remains active in future years.

“We envision [the coalition] as being a fairly autonomous group, separate from the administration but supported by it,” ASU President Ryan McCarthy said.

Formalizing the coalition also would improve commitment and recognition from the five member organizations, which currently is lacking, according to the proposal for special status.

Gaining recognition from the Office of the Dean of Students would “be a means of making the name more recognizable,” NOW President Kate Hendricks said.

The five groups have worked together informally under various titles for several years, sponsoring panel discussions and gathering to jointly endorse candidates for student elections.

The coalition sponsored a forum Oct. 23 entitled “Not Just a Victim’s Game: Exploring Race, Gender and Sexuality.”

McCarthy and former LSU President Greg Staff, who is active in the coalition, recently met with Asst. Dean of Students Ajay Nair to discuss the details of the proposal.

“We’re very interested in creating a dialogue between these groups,” Nair said. “Our office is interested in working closely with them to make this happen.”

Among the goals of the coalition is the recruitment of underrepresented students to the University, the hiring of more minority and female faculty and administrators and the further development of ethnic studies.

The coalition also seeks to bridge the gap between the Office of the Dean of Students and the Office of African-American Affairs, said McCarthy.

The coalition has existed on and off in the past, depending on the organizational powers of the five member organizations.

“This is the strongest amount of cooperation between these communities since I’ve been here,” Staff said.

Though the five member organizations do not always agree on subjects such as which candidate to endorse for Student Council elections, they have agreed to mutually support the consensus of the group.

“We’ve committed ourselves to endorse as a coalition,” McCarthy said.

LGBTU President Matt Pecori said cooperation between the five member organizations has been positive.

“We all have specific topics that we’re most educated about,” Pecori said. But “we’re all fighting for the same overall goals.”

Representatives from the coalition are scheduled to meet with Dean of Students Penny Rue today to discuss their request.

Second-year student drowns in Cancun

Second-year College student Julia G. Nystrom, who was on leave this semester, drowned in Cancun, Mexico sometime in February, Dean of Students Penny Rue said in a press release. The exact date of her death currently is unknown.

News of Nystrom’s death was announced by the Office of the Dean of Students last week.

Services were held at Saint Christopher’s Chapel in Richmond on Feb. 28.

Police Department corrects race assaults suspect count

The Charlottesville Police Department announced Tuesday that the number of suspects arrested in the assault cases on University students was in fact nine, not the 10 reported to the media.

The error was accredited to the fact that one of the charged persons appeared twice on the list of suspects. The individual was interviewed and then charged at a later time.

“We should have caught the mistake sooner,” Police Chief Timothy Longo said in a press release.

Longo emphasized that this error has no repercussions on the circumstances of the charges or any other element of the case.

At this time, only one suspect’s name has been released to the media, as the remaining eight are minors.

-Compiled by Chris Wilson

University Police charged an Observatory Hill dining hall employee yesterday with threatening to bomb the dining hall last Friday.

Police arrested Danielle Patrice Carr, 18, for allegedly writing a note stating that a bomb was on the premises. The note was found by another employee about 4:30 Friday afternoon.

Police evacuated the dining hall, which was nearly empty at the time of the threat, for approximately 45 minutes while they searched the building and determined that there was no bomb.

Carr is not suspected of perpetrating the bomb threats on Cabell and Wilson Halls on Friday or the threat on the Aquatic & Fitness Center last month, University Police Sgt. Melissa Fielding said.

“This incident was totally separate and, as far as we know, not related to other bomb threats,” Fielding said.

Carr was charged with a class five felony, punishable by one to 10 years in prison and/or a $2,500 fine.

Carr was released on a $1,500 bond and will appear in Albemarle County court tomorrow, according to a University Police press release.

University Police, the Charlottesville Fire Department and a Virginia State Police bomb expert responded when alerted to the bomb threat at Observatory Hill. Police soon suspected Carr, Fielding said.

The Observatory Hill scare is the third bomb threat directed at the University in the past month.

The AFC was evacuated Feb. 12 when a 911 operator took a call claiming that a bomb was in the exercise facility.

Although no bomb was found, police promised an increased police presence around the AFC following the incident.

Friday morning, police evacuated Cabell and Wilson Halls in response to a bomb threat. The buildings remained closed for almost six hours, causing many classes to be cancelled.

Police officers said the three incidents are unrelated, but arrests have not been made in the AFC and Cabell/Wilson cases.

Fielding declined to comment further on the Observatory Hill incident because it is an open investigation.

Dining services officials also declined to comment on the incident.

PURE COWARDICE has seized the General Assembly in Richmond. As the work of this year’s 90-day session comes to a close, the future of the Commonwealth remains a dark vision of uncertainty. Though many fault the Gilmore administration for poor fiscal planning and last year’s budget impasse, a majority of the 140-person assembly shares the real blame. Without speculating on their motives, the Assembly has failed to pursue the clearest solution to the budget problems facing the Commonwealth: statewide taxes will not be increased.

Governor James S. Gilmore III’s term ended this past January, after four years of ramming his car-tax plan through the machine of Virginia politics by whatever means necessary. His program was a gradual phase-out of taxes paid by Virginians on their automobile. Each year residents continued to pay the tax at the same level, yet they gradually received larger and larger checks reimbursing them for their expense. Projections placed final savings at $151 per person, according to a Virginian Pilot report (“Proposed taxes would take half of car-tax savings,” March 5).

Charles J. Colgan, D-Prince William, first raised the concept of phasing out the car tax in the Virginia Senate in 1996. However, Colgan proposed a simultaneous 1.5-cent sales tax increase to offset the cost of reimbursing the car owner. This plan would have spread the tax across a much larger and more diverse population. According to the Hampton Roads Planning Commission, tourists pay about 14 percent of all sales taxes generated in that region. Many military residents also pay sales taxes, yet have their cars registered in other states and thereby avoid the car tax. This means that a much larger population could have produced equal or larger revenue for the state with less impact on the average Virginian. Obviously, this would have been preferred to the current situation.

Instead, the former governor and current legislature have ignored Colgan’s plan and have relegated regional sales-tax hikes to referenda. It does not take a doctorate in political science to realize that any voter asked, “Would you like to pay more taxes?” is going to answer, “Heck no!”

That leaves the University and all other state institutions in one heck of a pickle. This session, the legislature found that the Commonwealth does not have the funds to support even state institutions at current levels. The sweeping cuts will severely affect life at this and every other state college as professors will flee for higher salaries, class sizes will increase, class options will decrease and our tuition will skyrocket only to pay for fewer services than we had before.

The people of the Commonwealth elect statesmen to the General Assembly to both represent their interests, and make decisions that are recognized to be in the best interest of their constituents. In this case, despite the shortsighted claims of some, taxes must be increased statewide to preserve even the most modest levels of government services. If the people of Virginia expect to maintain their top public college system, if they expect non-congested roads, if they desire any number of services now being slashed by the pending revenue bill, then the revenue must come from somewhere. The legislature has frozen the car-tax cut, but this will no more solve the crisis than placing a tourniquet on an amputated arm will help grow a new limb. It may stop the bleeding, but we still are in a world of fiscal pain.

The sales tax must be increased by law across the Commonwealth, not just in Northern Virginia and Hampton Roads. These two areas commonly are recognized as the economic engines that already have begun to pull Virginia out of this recession. Simply taxing these areas to fund local transportation and education initiatives would leave behind the rest of the Commonwealth.

The legislators of the General Assembly, and the Governor especially, must recognize the fiscal emergency and increase statewide sales taxes. The legislature must stop trying to adopt policy to follow the economic business cycle. Instead of cutting taxes in an economic boom and slashing spending in a recession, the government must instead maintain a consistent revenue policy that builds up the Commonwealth’s coffers in good times and offers some respite on a rainy day. The University adapted to the budget cuts of the early 1990s, and has survived without being able to raise in-state tuition levels. However, this second round of budget cuts is more that we or any other institution can bear. The General Assembly, which congregates in the Temple he designed, has sold out Thomas Jefferson’s University for fear of crossing the ignorant voter. To Virginia’s Delegates and Senators, there is no free lunch: raise taxes and fund our public institutions, if it isn’t already too late.

(Preston Lloyd’s column appears Thursdays in The Cavalier Daily. He can be reached at plloyd@cavalierdaily.com.)

Jenny McCarthy, the boisterous blonde who once weeded out the guys on MTV’s “Singled Out” now hosts “Beach Week,” an ingenious pre-Spring Break series on the Travel Channel. The hypnotic show promotes technicolor dreams of palm green and aqua blue until reality becomes no more than a hazy memory of a bad night, a misplaced parking ticket – a figment of the imagination.

Was it is just me or did anyone else notice that “The World’s Best Beaches” aired 24 hours a day for the past week? Though basking in the glow of cable television is very relaxing, so are those harmful ultraviolet rays, and I’m raring to pack my bags and get out of town.

Whether at the shores of Montego Bay or the Cayman Islands, the expert Spring Breaker bastes and rotates like a carefully browned rotisserie chicken. This ritual of pure idleness is glorified, since after all, Spring Break is the perfect time to have really deep thoughts on shallow topics.

Therefore, I’d first like to delve into the greasy and shady world of SPF protection. With a monstrous array of Coppertone and Bull Frog bottles lining the shelves, choosing the correct sunscreen is a vexing yet crucial task. It’s always sad to see that overeager girl who dabs a pea size drop of Baby Face 4 on her nose only to discover by happy hour that her face matches her strawberry daiquiri.

Nor do I recommend the overcautious lather of SPF 75, since it’d be rather discouraging for a guy to return from the tropics looking like he’d drowned his week away in a dark corner of an English pub.

Hawaiian Tropics SPF 15 or 25 is the best bet to achieve the slack, laid-back surfer glow we all so desire.

All right, hold onto your plane ticket, because it’s time for a little tropical trivia.

A camkini is … a) the one duffle bag which keeps rotating around the baggage carousel, b) an old lady who bobs up and down in the ocean, not wanting to get her hair wet (can be used as an insult, as in “Toughen up Buster, don’t be such a camkini,” c) the secret wave people on passing boats give each other, or d) a bikini that also covers the ribcage and causes disastrous tan lines.

You guessed it! The answer is “d.”

Honestly, it took me years to get used to the whole tankini concept, and now this. When will the modesty madness stop?

Fortunately guys have a limited beach apparel selection, and unless they are a platform diver or pro water polo player, a simple pair of trunks will be their only choice.

Continuing on with the theme of mindless frivolity, gambling on poolside bingo is a great way to pass a Spring Break hour and earn a little money on the side. My one and only island bingo experience occurred the afternoon I bet colorful wads of pesos with a pool boy named Kiko who called me Isabella. The peso is an extraordinary monetary unit and since I did not know the conversion factor, I felt like some sort of greased up high roller.

The suave announcer called out to his Vanna White sidekick, “Shake it baby, but don’t break it,” and she mixed the letter tiles in a burlap sack. I came out ahead and won a whopping 37 pesos(about $4) slightly bitter that since I was only eight, the first prize bottle of rum went to some bronze college stud who came in second place.

It is important to remember however that Spring Break is not all about being a poolside sloth. The raging waves of the turquoise ocean also cater to the most thrill-seeking outdoorsman as he ventures out on a death-defying ride on the inflatable banana boat. Others demonstrate their gymnastic abilities and lack of brain cells, when they see how low they can go under a flaming limbo stick.

My all time favorite activity though is snuba, a quirky combination of snorkeling and scuba diving where the air tanks (connected to an air hose) float on a nearby raft.

Who can resist the dare devil that sports a fogged up mask and emerges out of the water, draped in seaweed, to boast, “I saw seven super sand sharks while snubaing.”

Yet last year, while sailing, I witnessed an even more unusual and startling spectacle. Yes, I’m talking about the post-college, thirtysomething, Spring Break crowd.

As I snuggled into the cabin’s bed, the sheets a bit gritty since I hadn’t had a real shower in a week, I heard that sound in the night that makes every hair follicle stand on end. I’ve honestly been trying to repress what I saw on a nearby catamaran when I stood up on the mattress and popped my head out of the ceiling hatch. Herds of kindergarten teacher types had turned into ravage animals under the full Tortolla moon grinding and flailing their limbs to “Who Let the Dog’s Out.” The Baha Men would have wept.

Sadly the next morning, as they motored away, not even the Dramamine could save them.

Hopefully that recount cheered up those who are not heading out of town. Yet, there’s always the virtual Spring Break option, which only requires a blender and a bucket full of movies. I suggest “Club Paradise,” (an overlooked oldie featuring Robin Williams), “Cocktail,” and of course “Weekend at Bernie’s” (I and II).

Also, sometimes between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m., the prime tanning hours, the virtual Spring Breaker can cruise on over to the nearest fake n’ bake to achieve that ever so popular, sun kissed leather look.

After all, there are only a few times a year when the successful college students are those who guiltlessly revel in the life of the aloof vacationer, and waste away a week.