When you meet that right guy or girl, the first few whirlwind weeks might have you believing that you’ve boarded the love boat — so exciting and new — but no relationship is smooth sailing for long. It’s not too hard to avoid arguments during initial dinner dates, or even perhaps during the first month of coupledom. But any partnership that’s going to progress past this point will and must encounter a fight or two, or three.

Fighting’s not fun, and should by no means be the language of any relationship. But a relationship devoid of any disagreement can be just as unhealthy as one in which shouting matches are the norm.

There’s a right way and wrong way to fight, however. Tirades of nasty text-messages and slamming doors: destructive. Conversation in which uncomfortable topics are fleshed out and perhaps voices are raised: potentially productive. Fighting the good fight, rather than the destructive one, can be a cathartic cure for a distressed relationship.

Round One: Approach the ring. Before any regulation boxing match, a time and date must be set. Although it’s not always possible to schedule a spat in your relationship, any important disagreement should be something that both partners pencil into their planners. Fights pop up at inconvenient times and in even more inconvenient places: 2 a.m. at Littlejohn’s, 2 p.m. on the second floor of Clemons, and so on. Most of the time, we don’t have time to work out a fight to a productive conclusion when it occurs. Therefore, it’s often best to reschedule the match for a time when both sides can be heard and when people walking by won’t have to pretend not to hear the verbal sparring. Plan to talk later that evening, that afternoon, or after your midterm. Not only will rescheduling the fight allow both sides to cool off, it ensures that the actual disagreement will have your full attention — and not have to compete with impending classes or the interruptions of passersby.

Round Two: Put ‘em up. Before you two can duke it out, it must be clear exactly what you’re fighting for. Sometimes a fight that starts with him being late for dinner is really about him hesitating to commit. Sometimes a fight that starts with her forgetting to call is really about the fact that she spends more time with her friends than with you. Tempers flare for a lot of reasons, but good fighters need to know how to separate a trigger from the true cause of a fight. Once it’s clear what you’re fighting about, a fair fight can proceed.

Round Three: Mortal Kombat. Just kidding. Here’s where the boxing metaphor fails to function. First of all, the goal of a relationship fight is not to leave your opponent unconscious, but actually quite the opposite. Your goal is to make your “opponent” more conscious of what it is they’ve been doing to make you so upset. Your goal is to help them understand what has made you so mad, and to figure out what’s made them slip on their gloves as well. Seeing each other as opponents in a knock-down, drag-out is never helpful and often very hurtful. A “serious disagreement” is a problem that needs two people to solve it, and the best case scenario is for both boxers to be still standing by the time the final bell rings.

Sports psychology and a competitive nature won’t help you “win” any fights with a significant other. A successful match between feuding lovers is one in which both fighters win. This means that both parties feel that they said what they needed to say and were listened to. The vocabulary is important here — you’re fighting with someone, not against them.

Ultimately, a fight should be about the future. It may be prompted by past events, but a fight can only be productive if it settles a disagreement and serves as a preventative measure for future fighting on the same topic. Fighting can be a healthy way for a couple to work through an issue quickly and to tackle problems up front. The goal should not be to avoid fights entirely, but rather, to never have the same fight twice.

Megan and Meghan’s column runs bi-weekly on Tuesdays. They can be reached at fanale@cavalierdaily.com and moran@cavalierdaily.com.

Spirited rallies, visiting speakers and heated debates have brought the excitement of Virginia’s guber natorial election to Grounds in recent weeks. With results rolling in tonight, University students shared their own predictions for the next occupier of the governor’s seat.

“I think that Tim Kaine will probably win because he’s riding the coattails of Mark Warner and the success he had in his term for governor.”

– First-year College student Charles Lee

“I have not been watching the election too much, but it seems like it’s going to come down to the wire in which every vote will matter.”

– Fourth-year College student Leland Jones

“I hope Kaine would win, but realistically it seems like Virginia is going to always be a conservative state. So I think it’s a definite possibility that [Jerry] Kilgore will win tomorrow.”

– Third-year Architecture student Martha Coello

“I think the polls had [Kaine] ahead, at least over the weekend. … I just hope he wins for the sake of Virginia.”

– Fourth-year College student Kirsten Stoddard, a California resident

“Having all those indictments [in the president's administration] is not going to help his cause — Kilgore’s.”

– Third-year College student Dan Shumaker

– Compiled by Michelle Jamrisko

Sports at the University are not simply confined to varsity letters and packed arenas, but can also be found on a smaller scale. From snowboarding to sailing, there is a club sport for almost every athletic inclination.

Snowboarding

While people may not have heard much about The Virginia Snowboarding Club, it actually has a mailing list of over 300 people and roughly 30 to 40 active members. Because there are no dues for the club, members are considered active if they purchase season passes to Wintergreen.

“We are actually different from the Ski and Snowboarding Club because we only focus on snowboarding,” third-year College student Tiphany Rigaudias said.

According to Rigaudias, the club is extremely laid back. Although members attend competitions almost every weekend, Rigaudias stressed that the club is more about having fun than it is about competition.

“We don’t have coaches, so we just get together and learn from each other,” second-year Engineering student Kathy Tejano said.

This year the club has an entirely new executive board and hopes to make the sport a lot more popular on Grounds. “We’re less traditional than skiing,” second-year College student Clayton Ferrer said. “Most people have grown up skiing, so it would be nice to see people try something new.”

Ice Hockey

Ice hockey at the University has both men’s and women’s club teams.

“It’s my favorite part of U.Va.,” said third-year College student Jenny Kane, who is in her second year as president and captain of the women’s club ice hockey team.

The 17 girls on the team usually practice at the Charlottesville Ice Park at the Downtown Mall. They play in a league with many other East Coast schools such as the University of Pennsylvania, the University of Maryland, Princeton University, American University and the University of Delaware. According to Kane, Pennsylvania is Virginia’s biggest rival because that team has beat Kane’s team for the past couple of years.

“However, we have a lot of great talent this year, so I’m confident that we’ll be extremely competitive,” Kane said.

Because people do not need to have prior ice hockey experience to play on the team, the team is composed of players of a range of skill levels. According to Kane, this creates a very diverse and dynamic group.

Kane said the biggest misconception about women’s ice hockey is that there is checking; in reality, there is not.

“Yes, women do play ice hockey, but it’s more about finesse,” she said.

Unlike the women’s club ice hockey team, the men’s club ice hockey team has coaches. In fact, it has four coaches who all have extensive backgrounds playing and coaching hockey.

“The team was founded in 1994, and since then have won seven championships,” coach and general manager Roger Voisinet said. “The players [on the team] are highly skilled, and most have been playing hockey since they were quite young.”

The team plays in the ACC Hockey League against schools like Georgetown, George Mason and Virginia Tech.

Sailing

Sailing is yet another unique sport offered at the University. According to fourth-year College student and Virginia Sailing Association Commodore Martha Gray, the Association’s purpose is twofold: teaching and competing.

For those who want to learn how to sail, the Association offers lake days on Friday afternoons at Lake Anna. The club also offered a similar short class this semester with a more academic framework.

For those who want to satisfy a competitive spirit, the Association participates in competition almost every weekend during the season (which mainly runs until mid-November and picks up again in mid-February). There are roughly 15 to 20 people who race, and most competitions are held in Virginia and Maryland.

“The club has gotten a lot more competitive over the past few years,” Gray said.

Just last month the Sailing Association came in 15th place at a qualifying regatta, which made the team eligible for an intersectional competition at the University of Charleston. This is the first time that the club ever has qualified at a regatta.

“We do not have a coach and are competing against many teams that do,” Gray said. “So it’s really impressive that we have qualified because we’re competing against the best of the best.”

According to third-year College student Kristin Peters, the best thing about the club is the chance to get to know teammates and the other teams really well.

Gray agreed the club is an excellent way to meet people.

“Because there can only be one race at a time, you spend a lot of your time during a competition on shore cheering on your teammates and getting to know the other teams,” she said.

Like students who play ice hockey, sailing students said there are certain misconceptions surrounding their sport.

“I think a lot of people think that we just hang out on boats, but there is really a lot that goes into it,” third-year College student Jessica Burnshell said. “Because you’re using outside forces to propel you, you really have to know the courses [you're racing on]. There is a lot to think about [when racing], but at the same time it’s really easy to pick up and we are more than willing to teach.”

Archery

Archery also is offered at the University, and attracts archers of all skill levels. According to second-year College student and Club President Annalisa Smith, although the club is currently not fully functional because a tree fell on the club’s equipment shed during the summer, the club should be up and running for the spring. Unlike many other club sports, University Archery is not a competitive sport, but focuses more on recreational archery. The club meets weekly on Grounds to work on marksmanship and shooting.

“It’s not a field simply for experts,” Smith said. “Anyone can come and shoot. It’s an old sport, but a distinguished one. It’s also really fascinating because every nation has had some form of archery in their military history.”

Smith said the club hopes to get new equipment and funding so that it can provide its members with the best tools to practice their archery.

It takes six hours to drive home to New York from Charlottesville.My father left Sunday morning. He had come down with our cocker spaniel Skylar for the weekend to watch his alma mater Temple University get slammed by the Wahoos.

He was going to stop in Washington on the way home to buy my sister a fish for her dorm room and take her out to lunch.

He drove down the street around the Corner, and I wondered how long it would be until he cranked up the Temptations, the Supremes or the Four Seasons and rolled down the windows.

“Give mom a hug for me when you get home,” I had told him. “I’ll see you in two weeks.”

Two weeks. Two weeks until Thanksgiving.

The semester accelerates every year around this time, and every year we say, “It has gone especially fast this year,” blah blah blah.

But this year is different. This year it really has gone especially fast.

As I walked up to my apartment, kicking the newly fallen leaves, I could only think of how different Thanksgiving will feel this year.

For the first time, my mother has surrendered to my father’s barbecued turkey. The Aronstein household will not feature the traditional “dueling turkeys,” and my Mom will instead make a rack of lamb.

“I hate losing to the bastard,” she told me.

Also for the first time, my mother is not exactly sure who will be coming.

“I just send out invitations and see who RSVPs,” she told me a few weeks ago.

This semester, my family has suffered highs and lows unlike any other period during my college career.

A few weeks ago, my Nana went to the hospital for a heart condition that I still don’t understand. I only know that she might need to get a pacemaker.

The leaves were just starting to change.

“What happened?” I asked her on the phone, sitting outside Newcomb Hall at one of those iron tables behind Peabody.

“I’m taking a vacation,” she said.

We talked for about an hour.

“You know, there are so many worse things in the world than getting a pacemaker.”

I was in the midst of thinking about papers and metaphysics and the forms and the nature of contemporary literary culture in America.

“Stressed” is how I termed it.

“I’m hanging in,” I told people when they asked me how was doing.

And here’s my Nana. Pushing 90 (“You know, I’m really starting to feel old sometimes”).

And she can claim to be on vacation in the hospital.

Three weeks later, out of the hospital, she sent a tub of miniature chocolate chip cookies to our apartment.

I imagined her small, strong hands fighting the batter, and the silence of the house as it filled with the smell of baking chocolate.

The cookies were gone after a day, and I called her again to thank her.

“I just can’t wait until Thanksgiving,” she said, the waves of her voice smacking up against the back of her throat.

“We’ll get you up to New York if I have to strap you to the roof of my car,” I told her.

I’ve watched my family come together around my aunt and younger cousin Danielle. Caught up in a crash course of how much can go wrong in the span of three months, my aunt’s voice wavered on the phone when I talked to her.

This time, I was sitting on the patio outside Clemons Library, the sun setting and the air getting chilly over the arena construction site and the Blue Ridge in the distance.

All I wanted to do was drive home. Drive those six hours north and see everyone. To knock on their doors and say, “Look, I’ve got relatively nothing to do. I mean, I have a book to read, but I don’t need surgery or anything. Let me help. I can wash dishes or something.”

Six hours, that’s it.

Pump up some road music, put the windows down and turn on the heat full blast. That’s what driving home for Thanksgiving feels like.

This year, I’ll really just be thankful to get around the table together with everyone. It’s like triage. We get together, fortify ourselves with tradition, cranberry sauce, wine and conversation.

And then we go forward, having assessed the dilemmas and collective problems of our own personal hurricanes.

This year will be different.

My sister and I will both be prodigal children, riding gloriously home to the ranch.

There’s new furniture in the living room, and who knows what color my mother has painted my room this year.

My parents have been empty nesters for the first time, and haven’t killed one another.

Yet.

I’m already looking forward to those six hours — interrupted this time by a short visit to pick up my sister — then back on the road we’ll go.

Fighting over music.

Fumbling with the EZPass for tolls.

Recapping the semester.

Inching toward home, toward my mom in her apron, my dad in his tan slippers and flannel shirt, toward our freshly-groomed dog.

Toward home.

And this time for a week! Yipeeeeee!

A-J’s column runs bi-weekly on Tuesdays. He can be reached at aronstein@cavalierdaily.com.

Each week, The Cavalier Daily asks a student 25 questions and allows him or her to eliminate five of them. This week’s interviewee is Ifechi Moma, a second-year pre-med student from “out on the Island,” Huntington, New York.

Q: Who is the most important person in the world to you?

A: My mom. She’s my backbone, my support.

Q: What’s the point of decaf coffee?

A: Some people like the taste, which I think is nasty. I guess you can wean yourself off caffeine drinking it.

Q: If you could still drop one of your classes this semester, what would it be?

A: AAS [African-American Studies] 101. There’s too much reading — it’s ridiculous.

Q: Did you own a Trapper Keeper in elementary school?

A: No, they were too big and ugly.

Q: On a scale from 1 to 10, how happy are you about Tech’s loss to Miami over the weekend?

A: Wow, I didn’t even know that they lost. Can I say 10 now that I know?

Q: Do you plan on having a quarter-life crisis?

A: I think I have crises every other day. That’s what life at U.Va. does to me.

Q: How many parking tickets have you gotten in Charlottesville?

A: I don’t have a car, but if I did I’m sure I’d get them all the time.

Q: What is the most endearing state?

A: I want to say Utah, though I’m not really sure that anyone lives there.

Q: What superhero strength would you most want?

A: Invisibility. I’m really nosey, and I could be even more nosey then.

Q: I give you a light bulb, a puppy, and a surfboard. What do you do?

A: I try to sail the puppy to Mexico because I don’t like dogs. I give him the light bulb to light his way.

Q: What food do you refuse to try?

A: Sushi. My friends have given up asking.

Q: Most money you’ve ever spent in a day?

A: Every time I have to pay for tuition, handing that check over is painful.

Q: Is Bodo’s stealing business from Little John’s and Take-it-Away?

A: Yeah, because Bodo’s is great.

Q: When was the last time you raked leaves?

A: I don’t do chores.

Q: If you could be the leader of any country, what would it be?

A: I’d say Nigeria because my parents are there. The government is very corrupt there right now.

Q: How many basketball games do you plan to attend this year?

A: Probably around 75 percent. I’ll go no matter what team we have or how bad they might be.

Q: What is a movie you always pretend you’ve seen but are too ashamed to admit that you haven’t?

A: “Bambi.”

Q: Favorite Jolly Rancher flavor?

A: Sour apple.

Q: In six words, what’s your conception of God?

A: Where would I be without Him?

Q: How many times did you hit the snooze button this morning?

A: Maybe about four or five times before I got up. It’s the same thing every morning, but my roommate does it too.

The Verdict: FINALLY, someone as alone as me in not seeing “Bambi.”

– Compiled by A-J Aronstein

The death of millions of birds in Asia has grabbed national headlines for the past few months, prompting concern from governmental officials and doctors alike. This concern is not for the birds per se, but rather for the cause of their death and its potential implications for humans around the world.

The H5N1 influenza, commonly called the avian or bird flu, is a disease that affects domesticated birds.

Last week the Associated Press reported that the most recent bird flu outbreak discovered Oct. 26 in China and Vietnam killed 8,940 chickens and prompted officials to destroy another 369,900. The AP reported yesterday that a Vietnamese man died last month from bird flu after eating a chicken.

According to the U.K. Health Protection Agency, H5N1 has appeared in many Asian countries as well as Russia, Turkey, Croatia and Romania. More isolated cases also have appeared in western European nations.

Flu Basics

Julie Gerberding, Director of the Center for Disease Control, discussed the avian flu in a recent online forum. While she noted that outbreaks of the avian flu occur about every two years, she said this year’s outbreak is different.

“Migratory birds typically carry a variety of bird flu strains,” Gerberding said in the forum. “What’s different this time is that the strain they are carrying is the H5N1 strain, which is highly contagious to poultry, but more importantly, it’s highly lethal to poultry. So, it is not only easily transmitted to a variety of bird species but when most birds get it, they die.”

The H5 strain of the influenza, however, is not only highly deadly in poultry but also in humans, according to the Elson Student Health Center Director James Turner.

“We are not usually exposed to H5 strains,” Turner said. “Therefore, we do not have antibodies in our immune system that can fight it, and it would spread quickly.”

The threat posed to humans by the bird flu has come under a lot of debate.

“Right now, the H5N1 avian flu is primarily a problem for birds,” Gerberding said. “It is not a pandemic, and there is no evidence at the current time that it will ever be a pandemic, but we have to be prepared. It’s possible that this virus, which has only occasionally infected people with high mortality rates, could evolve to become more contagious, and that is why we are really scaling up our efforts to be prepared.”

Jumping to humans

One hundred and twenty humans have contracted the avian flu thus far, and most of these individuals have had heavy contact with domesticated poultry, Turner said. He added that there is no evidence that the humans sick with the current form of the avian flu can pass it on to others.

But there is a chance that the flu can mutate into a strain that is contagious among humans.

“The fact that this particular avian virus is spreading so rapidly, there is a pretty good chance that it will mix with the human flu virus,” Turner said.

According to Turner, it is hypothesized that if a person contracted a regular form of the seasonal influenza and was then exposed to the avian flu, the two viruses could mix and mutate in the person’s body, leading to the creation of an avian flu virus that could be spread via person-to-person contact.

“That is the rational behind encouraging people to get the regular flu shot,” Tuner said.

But, unfortunately no amount of flu shots can stem a potential pandemic, Turner said.

“If you look at the three pandemics that have occurred in the past century, all of those flu strains have been genetically linked to an avian flu virus,” Turner said. “We know that pandemics are on 30- to 40-year cycles, so we are actually overdue for one.”

The deadliest flu pandemic of the 20th century occurred in 1918-1919 when 500,000 generally healthy Americans died, according to the Center for Disease Control. The most recent pandemic took place in 1968-1969 and killed 34,000 people in the United States.

The president’s preventative plan

In order to protect the American people in the case of another pandemic, President George W. Bush proposed a $7.1 billion plan to prepare the nation in the case of another outbreak.

The plan put out by the president, in conjunction with the Department of Health and Human Services outlines a number of requirements for hospitals and healthcare facilities around the country in preparation for a pandemic, the Department of Health and Human Services reported.

HHS Secretary Mike Levitt said in a Nov. 2 press conference that the main focus of the plan includes staffing needs in case of a pandemic, vaccine and medication distribution plans, and measures to control the spread of the infection throughout the community.

Officials from the HHS and CDC did not return requests for comment.

U.Va.’s plans

“The Bush plan hasn’t really altered our plans,” said Marjorie Sidebottom, Emergency Preparedness Director at the University Medical Center. “It’s just making us look again to make sure everything in our plans is in accordance with the Bush plan.”

Sidebottom emphasized that in the case of a pandemic, the Medical Center will be acting in conjunction with other hospitals in the area, the state health department and federal officials.

“We all hold parts of [the plan] that dovetail together to make sure that we can get the right information out to the citizenry and that we can protect our citizenry with what we have at hand,” she said.

Sidebottom said the Medical Center would put into motion a series of procedures to separate those with the influenza from those who are well, should a pandemic occur. Individuals might also have to limit their activity in order to avoid contracting the disease, she added.

“There are tried and true infection control methods that we will follow and add anything to the CDC tells us,” Sidebottom said.

Because of the wide variety of patients the Medical Center sees each day, the doctors, nurses and staff have practice dealing with those who are highly infectious, Sidebottom said.

“We see infectious patients every day, so there is a procedure developed,” she said.

The Medical Center also has taken part in planning for the outbreak of other potentially highly infectious diseases.

“Here at U.Va. we have been through SARS and bio-terrorism planning, so we have a head start,” Turner said. “The University is in really good shape. The biggest thing is deciding if and when we implement some of these public health containment measures.”

Dear S&B:
I have this mole on my back. How do I know if it is cancer?

Well you could poke it with a spatula … okay that wouldn’t do much.

There are three major types of skin cancer: basal cell carcinoma, squamous cell carcinoma and melanoma. Melanoma is dark, caused by melanocytes — the cells that give us our color.

There are some basic principles in looking at moles. Welcome to the ABCs of melanoma watching. If you have any one of the below traits, show it to your doctor:

Asymmetry — If you cut it in half, would each half be different?

Border — Is it smooth all the way around, or jagged?

Color — Is it a mole of many colors?

Diameter — Is it bigger than a pencil eraser (6mm)?

Enlargement — Is it getting bigger?

Moral of the story: Any asymmetrical, jagged, multicolored, enlarging, bigger-than-a-pencil-eraser moles should be looked at by a dermatologist.

In 2001 it was estimated that one out of 71 people would be affected by melanoma in their lifetimes. In fact melanoma ranks as the fifth cause of cancer in men (sixth in women). This incidence has been increasing, but the survival rate also is growing.

What puts you at risk for skin cancer? Well, for starters, your skin. Persons with less pigment have a greater incidence of melanoma. This includes those with pale skin, blond or red hair, and blue or green eyes. Caucasians with lighter coloring have four times the melanoma risk as olive colored Caucasians. (This explains the insanely high incidence of skin cancer in Australia. When you take a bunch of melanin-lackers and transplant them close to the equator, it is a recipe for skin cancer.)

The sun could be the greatest culprit. Heavy sun exposure before 18 means a higher risk of melanoma. Your melanoma risk can double if you have had five-plus sunburns. UV radiation can increase your risk as well.

Family history is important too. Some inherited conditions predispose people to skin cancer. If you have a parent or close relative with skin cancer, you have a higher risk in general. Also those of us with freckles or moles have an increased risk. Such blemishes don’t lead to cancer, but they signify an intrinsic risk.

Prevention is essential.Wear sunscreen, SPF 15 or greater. Some even recommend wearing it every day. Apply 15 minutes before exposure and reapply every two hours if you’re outdoors, while minimizing your sun exposure. (Sunrays are strongest between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m.)

Check yourself monthly for moles or other pigmented lesions. Check your back and other non-reachable spots with a mirror. Be aware of your body. Finally, go into see your physician if something is suspicious.

Lisa Hermann is a Cavalier Daily Health & Sexuality columnist. She can be reached at lisa@cavalierdaily.com or through the Sex & Balances submission page at cavalierdaily.com/sex.asp. This column is used for educational purposes only and is not meant to substitute advice from your doctor.

With the end of college quickly approaching for many fourth-years, discussions about the future run rampant across Grounds. Students spend hours endlessly struggling with career plans — but that comes as no surprise. What may be most surprising, if only to me, are the discussions among women about marriage and relationships. Specifically, many black women have engaged me in this anecdotal but at the same time, real discussion about the quantity and quality of the black males at the University.

Two weeks ago, The Cavalier Daily published an article about how women now outnumber men at the University. Most importantly in that article, the writer mentioned to the number of minority men versus minority women in college. For black students, twice as many women as men attend college. If you have not heard from some of my sisters yet, this is only the beginning of the problem.

Accentuating this educational gender gap is the reality that black women earn college degrees at twice the rate of black men. What does all this mean? It would be nice to say it doesn’t mean anything, but what is happening is that many black women are becoming discouraged by their relationship outlook because the availability of men “at their level” continues to dwindle.

Only 50 percent of black women, compared to 80 percent of white women, are expected to be married by the age of 28, according to author Michael Dyson. Overall, less than 40 percent of black women are expected to marry. This statistic reaches beyond the effects of the gender gap in education. In 2000, there were 603,032 black men attending college, while 791,600 were locked in jail. In 1980, there were 143,000 black men in jail, while 463,700 were enrolled in college. Thus, as Dyson writes in “The Michael Dyson Reader,” the prison system, with its genocidal effects, is stripping the black community of black men.

But the discussion of the black female plight in marriage does not end with the large number of black men in jail and the disproportionate number of black women versus black men with college degrees.

Further burdening the conversation is the reality of interracial relationships. Specifically, there is a hang-up with many black women and men in the community with blacks dating whites. Interracial dating between blacks and other minorities is often condoned because there is an underlying assumption that both parties involved are joining due to their similar plight in the marriage scheme.

Dating whites, in the minds of many blacks, brings numerous problems mainly because of a historical recollection. It still leads many blacks to assume that the black person who dates a white person does so strategically in order to move up in society or deny his or her blackness. Ask Bryant Gumbel, Tyson Beckford, and Cuba Gooding Jr. (if you get a chance) and they can reminisce about hearing that claim.

Also adding density to the conversation is the hang-up with black beauty as articulated by skin color: “Light skin girls are favored,” and “Dark skin girls are favored.” Both are common expressions but do nothing to address the problem.

Where do we go from here? Cynically, I could easily say that the competition over the few good men graduating from the University with great academic and extracurricular achievements should continue. Sadly, I know many men who enjoy this scenario. Let it not be forgotten, many men, including me, think this scenario is embarrassing.

The reality is that there are many dimensions to the destruction of black love and black relationships including educational disparities, death by the hands of gangs and prisons, skin-color bias and worship of white standards of beauty. The future may seem bleak, but as Michael Dyson writes: “There are millions of black women from every walk of life who simply want, like every other group of women alive, to be wanted and loved by the men who issued from their mothers’ womb.”

Concluding with the sentiment of Michael Dyson, bell hooks and many other writers, to ignore that desire and turn our back on each other is the annihilation of black love.

Kurt Davis is a Health & Sexuality Columnist. He can be reached at kurt@cavalierdaily.com.

The Cavaliers can’t seem to get the monkey off of their backs. Sunday’s loss to UNC marked the 31st-consecutive game in which the Cavs have failed to defeat the Tar Heels. Despite continued disappointment against a conference foe, however, the team is keeping a positive outlook heading in to the NCAA tournament.

“I think it’s hard losing to them,” senior midfielder Noelle Keselica said. “Hopefully we’ll learn something from this game and take it into the tournament.”

One thing that Keselica and the rest of the Cavaliers can take away from this game is the importance of slowing down UNC’s frontline. After the game, both the coach and players were quick to point out that the inexperience of the Cavalier backline led to more opportunities for the Tar Heel offense.

“We have a very young backline,” coach Steve Swanson said. “When we won [the ACC Tournament] last year, we had a very experienced backline. What’s tough is Carolina has such pace up top. You really have to be on the same page. They do a good job of playing quickly and making good penetrating runs.”

The skill of the Carolina offense translated into more opportunities, as it out shot the Cavaliers 14-2. The experience of the Tar Heel offense, combined with the stinginess of its defense, made for a long day for the Cavaliers.

“North Carolina has a strong defense,” Swanson said. “They make it very difficult to play. I think that’s one of the strengths of their team. It’s very hard to get momentum against them.”

The Cavaliers, however, now have to shift their focus to the future as they gear up for the NCAA Tournament. Throughout the season, Swanson has been required to tweak the starting lineup on a nightly basis and said he expects that this added experience on the bench will give the Cavs an advantage in the upcoming stretch of games.

“Our team has done a good job all year,” Swanson said. “I think this year really put us in a good position for a run in the NCAAs. We feel comfortable. Our kids are getting a lot of good experience.”

The Cavaliers will look to go deep into the Tournament, a feat they failed to achieve last year after a second-round loss to Duke. If they manage to make such a run, then they will most likely cross paths with the Tar Heels yet again.

If such a scenario plays out, Swanson said he will make sure the Cavs are fully prepared for the Tar Heels and their aggressive frontline.

“We won a[n] [ACC] championship last year,” Swanson said. “Our team is good enough to win championships. We are not going to settle for anything less.”

The Cavaliers will head into the Tournament with depth, experience and perhaps a chip on their shoulders after a tough loss in the ACC Championship. The NCAA Tournament presents another opportunity for Virginia to make a statement.

“Hopefully, all of the experience we gained is going to help us in the tournament,” Swanson said. “I really think it will.”

Yannick Reyering was among three Virginia players who earned All-ACC selections Monday. The German native garnered All-ACC First Team honors and was also named to the All-Freshman team.

Adam Christman and Nico Colaluca each picked up All-ACC Second Team awards.