“The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.” Those were the first words of Student Council President-elect Darius Nabors, quoting Thomas Jefferson.

The tree of liberty was refreshed this past week as students campaigned, debated and went to the polls in the annual enactment of student self-governance. No blood was spilled on the University’s battleground of ideas, but last night, the best were victorious.

Nabors’ election offers an opportunity for a fresh start for Council. It wouldn’t be hard for Nabors to be more effective than last year’s Council, which has produced hardly any tangible accomplishments. But there is no doubt that Nabors can improve on that legacy.

Nabors and the executive board should commit themselves to closing the rift between the executive board and the representative body. New Executive Vice President Nick Jordan should insist that the representative body become more active outside of Council’s weekly meetings to connect with constituents. The representative body should also recognize that legislation is only one of the first steps to action, not the last.

A number of very competent representatives were elected to the Honor Committee. Student alienation from the honor system is the biggest problem that they face, but we’re confident they can make progress. Running trials is only one part of their job — they should work to increase dialogue with the larger student body to instill the values of honor and strengthen student understanding and support of honor as a unique cornerstone of the University.

Erica Siegmund’s narrow election as Arts & Sciences Council president can hopefully lead to reform of that organization. During her endorsement interview with The Cavalier Daily, Siegmund expressed concern about the effectiveness of the ASC. She should now work closely with her former opponent, Jeff Frank, and others who have a number of excellent ideas to improve the ASC.

After last year’s election, the Managing Board asked the new University Judiciary Committee to work with The Cavalier Daily to implement a “UJC box” — similar to the honor box we currently run — to promote transparency. The new UJC should make this part of a more comprehensive plan to improve transparency and communication.

A number of opinion referenda passed last night, but most of these need to be taken with a grain of salt. On topics like renewable energy and the living wage, students were asked to provide an opinion on a hypothetical idea, not judge the merits of a concrete plan. Student groups can use the referenda results to build support for their causes and as justification to push forward and develop a plan. But the results should not be taken as the sovereign authority on whether or not to implement that plan.

During the last week’s presidential debate, Nabors stressed the need to work with the administration to improve life for the student body. A healthy relationship with the administration is important, but not more important than principled leadership if the interests of the students and those of the administration are at odds. Similarly, student leaders should not automatically bow to what appear to be popular currents of student opinion if principle or common sense run contrary.

To our newly elected leaders: Congratulations, but don’t get too comfortable. There is work to do.

The 2006 Winter Olympics in Torino, Italy concluded this past Sunday after 16 days of international competition.

University students reflected on their favorite Winter Olympic sports as well as controversies that arose out of this year’s contest.

Fourth-year Engineering student Kara Parsons said she watched the Olympics because it showed sports that don’t always get television coverage.

“They’re not on TV except for the Olympics, so you’ve got to take the opportunity,” she said.

Other students said they enjoyed watching sports they partake in during their free time.

“I snowboard so I like watching all the different competitions,” second-year College student Warren Waterman said.

Waterman said he thought the United States snowboarding team did very well this Olympics, except for one controversy that came out of the women’s snowboard cross competition.

Problems arose when Lindsey Jacobellis nearly won gold for the United States in the Snowboard Cross competition, but left with the silver medal after crashing on one of the last jumps of the race. Viewers were concerned that the fall was the result of showing off.

Parsons said she thought Jacobellis was showing off by grabbing her board on the jump.

“If you look at the replays between her previous runs and her last run, there was an obvious difference between her other jumps and her last jump,” Parsons said.

Another topic of interest focused on the women’s figure skating competition.

Just after the Olympics began, U.S. Figure-skater Michelle Kwan withdrew from competition due to a groin injury, allowing alternate Emily Hughes to join the women’s team.

“It was really sad to see after an amazing career, she wouldn’t get a gold medal,” first-year College student Monica Talley said.

Talley said withdrawing was the right choice for Kwan.

“If she couldn’t skate then she wasn’t the right one to represent the country,” she said.

The commotion surrounding the various controversies did not completely deter from Parsons’s viewing experiences.

“I think controversies are blown up to get attention because people want something to talk about, so I don’t give them too much credit,” Parsons said.

Overall, Waterman said he was entertained by the 2006 Winter Olympics.

“I think it seems like Torino did a great job holding the Olympics,” Waterman said. “They got great crowds out to all of the events.”

With spring break officially starting this weekend and having unofficially begun for my brain and motivation last week, destinations around the world are about to be bombarded with drunk college students.

This is my first Spring Break going somewhere exciting (not that painting the rooms in the house wasn’t thrilling last year, Mom), and I’m headed to Acapulco, Mexico. May God save my soul (and my dignity).

Despite the inevitable fun to be had, recent events have caused Spring Breaking to take a beating for all the safety issues it brings up. I hope everyone has received the lectures that I have from not only my older cousins, my great-aunts, my parents, my parents’ best friends and my hair stylist regarding keeping my person intact for seven days in Mexico.

I can appreciate these lectures, for I’m sure that should my daughter tell me she’s going to Mexico for her senior year of college spring break, I will demand heavy sedatives for myself and a GPS tracking system embedded in her bikini.

But, I’m a responsible human being, compared to a lot of people, so I feel somewhat patronized by these obvious nuggets of information being thrown at me. On the other hand, I won’t lie because I’m worried for not only my liver because of the tequila, my skin because of the hot sun, and for any of my body parts that I might find missing and lost to the black market if I should wake up in an ice bath.

Everyone is being told the standard set of guidelines for Spring Break safety: staying with the group, keeping your money under a close eye, imbibing only drinks that you have seen poured and running from sketchy men offering you multi-colored pills. There are, however, some rules that I have been informed of from my more knowledgeable friends that all college students should know about Spring Break.

Apparently, while you are on Spring Break, everyone around you is a hazard to your fun. That’s right. Not just the standard suspicious-looking individuals. The cab driver will stiff you on money or drive you to the local pay-by-the-hour hotel to pimp you out, the bartender will make your drinks so strong you end up face down on the bar by 11:07 a.m., and your roommates will probably lock you out of the room in an attempt to pull some Spring Break tail with that guy from Notre Dame.

The old X-Files mantra of “Trust No One” is the unofficial motto of Spring Break. Be careful; It’s everyone for the college kids.

I was informed, when I showed my roommates the gold metallic bikini I was about to buy for Spring Break online, that your attire has a lot to do with your safety. Needless to say, the hooker bikini was vetoed by the prudes with whom I live (kidding), and I learned that the amount of material on your body is indirectly proportionate to the number of dirty men who hit on you. Apparently, this extends to guys also. Keep yourself well-covered or you will be subjected to dirty men cat-calling you just like us ladies.

This safety tip deals with water or beach sports while drunk: Tequila volleyball seemed like a good idea at the time, but when you wake up the next morning with sand in every possible crevice and bruises from diving into your teammates, keep in mind that sports and alcohol mix only when a) you’re watching, b) it’s kickball or c) you’re drunk enough for the entire duration of the injury not to feel the pain. Super-competitive water polo or skim boarding may have the same disastrous effects.

Lastly, I had no idea that the plane ride to and from your destination is as much a party as your actual time on the ground. “WHAT?!” I said when I heard that there was raucous drinking while cruising at 30,000 feet. Universal Spring Break rule: If you drink too much on the plane, you’re likely to start getting nauseous the moment the “Fasten Seatbelts” light comes on, and you’re definitely going to need more than one of those little air sickness baggies. Keep it together when drinking on the plane, oh overzealous collegian. You’ve got a week of debauchery ahead of you — pace yourself.

So, have a fantastic Spring Break! I hope you make it back to demure little C’ville in one piece, and if you missed out this year, laugh at the ridiculous stories your friends tell. You’ve always got next year.

Lindsay’s column runs biweekly on Thursdays. She can be reached at mccook@cavalierdaily.com.

The postseason has arrived for the Virginia women’s basketball team. Yes, it’s that time of year again — the ACC tournament is here. Virginia finished the season with a 5-9 record in the ACC and earned the No. 9 seed. The Cavaliers will face No. 8 seed Boston College in the first round of the ACC tournament at 11 a.m. today in Greensboro, N.C.

Virginia played Boston College in Boston earlier this year and lost 57-43. Head coach Debbie Ryan remembers the team’s poor play during the game and is confident the team will be able to play at a much higher level this time.

“They’re a very good defensive and rebounding team,” Ryan said. “However, we got 18 more shots than [Boston College] did in that game. We’re a better offensive team now than we were then, we just have to hope we bring our better offensive team and not the one we brought in the game in Boston.”

Ryan figures Boston College to be a tough matchup. The Eagles were ranked in the top 25 nationally at one point earlier in the season; however, they lost a couple of close games and finished the season as the conference’s eighth-ranked team.

“I think Boston College is one of the top four teams in the conference,” Ryan said. “They’re a very tough team and very difficult to play against.”

Luckily, the Cavaliers are riding a four-game winning streak going into the tournament.

“We’ve gotten a lot more confident and everyone has been shooting the ball much better,” junior guard Brenna McGuire said. “Winning these past four games has really improved our game and confidence, as a team.”

Virginia is optimistic it can translate its recent success into tournament success.

“It’s just great to be coming off this four-game stretch going into the ACC tournament,” senior forward Tiffany Sardin said. “We played Boston College at Boston College and now we get a chance to play them at a neutral site. This is a payback game for us and hopefully our momentum will continue into the tournament.”

However, the team is still fairly young and inexperienced and is unaccustomed to the atmosphere that the ACC tournament provides. Virginia’s veterans have been instructing the younger players about the spectacle.

“There’s going to be big crowds and it’s going to be a great atmosphere,” McGuire said. “Everyone is cheering for everyone else and it’s a lot of fun. But you can’t let that take anything away from the importance of the game.”

Virginia’s first-round matchup with Boston College is a game of monumental proportions because it is likely to determine the Cavaliers’ postseason implications.

“In order to make the NCAA tournament, we have to beat Boston College,” McGuire said. “From there if we beat North Carolina, I think we will easily get in.”

The Cavaliers will focus on defense and rebounding, first and foremost, to beat Boston College. They hope that if they play better defense, they will have more opportunities to score at the other end of the court.

“We need to play better defense and rebound the ball better,” Sardin said. “Then, we can get out and run the floor. We can run this team and do what we do best. In order to win, we need to focus on what we can control and that’s defense and rebounding.”

For their first four games this season the Virginia men’s lacrosse team has been virtually unstoppable. The Cavaliers have downed their opponents by a combined score of 66-22 and seem to have proven they are among the nation’s elite teams. However, the third-ranked Virginia Cavaliers (4-0) will face their toughest test by far this season when they take on the fourth-ranked Syracuse Orangemen (1-0) Saturday at Klöckner Stadium. Virginia has won 14 consecutive games at home, one shy of the school record. In order to pick up the elusive number 15, Virginia will have to be prepared for a more intense level of play.

“It’s always special when Syracuse comes to town,” senior midfield Drew Thompson said. “You know it’s going to be high-scoring and fast-paced.”

Last year, the Cavaliers picked up one of their biggest wins of the year with a 12-11 victory over Syracuse at the Carrier Dome. Senior attacker Matt Poskay was the hero in that game, coming off the bench to score a team-high four goals, the last coming late in the fourth quarter to tie the game at 10-10. This year Poskay has continued to show off his offensive prowess as a senior, and is currently fifth on the team in points. Senior captain Matt Ward had two goals in last year’s contest. In Virginia’s outing against VMI, Ward scored his 106th career goal to tie for seventh all-time at Virginia. The seniors’ experience against Syracuse will be a huge advantage on Saturday and one the Cavaliers will look to capitalize on.

Face-offs have been a category where Virginia has dominated so far this season. On the season Virginia is 60 of 98 on face-offs, a .612 winning percentage. When facing a team as loaded as the Orange are, a game can be decided by who gets the ball into their offense’s hands.

“Face-offs can help deflate a run or help you go on a run,” Thompson said. “It’s something you can control. Possession is the key in any sport you have the ball — you have a chance to win.”

Defensively, the Cavaliers had to balance youth and experience and it appears they have done that. Opponents have had 96 shot attempts against Virginia all season, compared to the total 232 shots the Cavaliers have taken against opponents. The strong defense has made life easier for junior goalkeeper Kip Turner, and will look to do the same on Saturday.

Syracuse has a wide range of offensive threats, including Joe Yevoli, who is currently tied for the point lead on the team. Yevoli played three years at Virginia before transferring amid controversy. Barring a meeting in the NCAA tournament, this will be the only time Yevoli will play his former team. Junior defender Ricky Smith has shut down some high-scoring threats already this year and looks to do the same against Yevoli and the Orange.

“We match up pretty well defensively against them,” Smith said. “If we can shut down their transition game, which they’ve always been good at, and get them six-on-six then we should be fine.”

When Syracuse and Virginia play lacrosse, sparks will fly. This series has been a nail-biter year after year. Three of out of the last four meetings have been decided by two goals or fewer. For a team that has not had to play with much pressure all year, it might seem a concern that with so many new faces no one knows how the freshmen might deal when a game is on the line. For the experienced seniors, however, it’s just another day at work.

“This is what we look for when we come here, Virginia v. Syracuse,” Smith said. “We’ve been here before.”

With the last game at University Hall scheduled for Sunday, it was only appropriate that the Hoo Crew have a surprise in store for its loyal members.

After all, the 200 plus student fans that make up the group were required to go to at least eight of nine home games this basketball season, according to the group’s Web site, or risk getting kicked out of a group they paid 20 dollars to join. The dedicated Virginia supporters that trudged out to these contests and maintained their membership status deserve something special for the final game of the regular season, which will also be the last game ever played in the arena.

So you can imagine the look on all of their faces when they found out that for the Maryland game the Hoo Crew members would be unable to gain admission to the game using the same Hoo Crew membership card and T-shirt that got them into games all season.

Surprise!

When students signed up for the Hoo Crew earlier this season, they were informed that their membership cards would get them into 10 games this season, the Maryland game being one of them. In fact, the Web site still lists Maryland as one of those games and I’m confident that dozens of Hoo Crew members will show up on Sunday trying to get into the arena the way they have all season, only to be cruelly turned away.

Unfortunately, this seems an appropriate end to a season that has seen an unprecedented divide among the Virginia student fan base. I never thought I would see the day where there would be animosity among student fans, but that is exactly what has happened between Hoo Crew and non-Hoo Crew sections of the arena. I’m sure having Hoo Crew President Graham Tucker get booed at center court by several students in attendance at the Virginia Tech game two weeks ago is not what the Virginia Athletics Foundation and Student Council had in mind when they established the group this summer.

The Cavaliers have excelled on the court and are one win away from earning a .500 record in the ACC for the first time in four seasons, despite the fact that the establishment of the Hoo Crew has caused a serious schism in the stands this season. And now, Hoo Crew members won’t even get the chance to see their beloved Cavaliers try and get their eighth ACC win and keep NCAA tournament hopes alive.

Technically, these Hoo Crew members did have a chance to register for tickets through the online SHOTS program, which non-Hoo Crew members had been using to get into games all season. But since first years make up a majority of the Hoo Crew, they are most likely completely unfamiliar with the system. Additionally, these students had to register for a ticket within a 48-hour period three and a half weeks before the contest, much earlier than the usual seven days that have been the standard for securing a ticket through SHOTS.

Chances are the Virginia Athletics Foundation is responsible for shutting Hoo Crew members out of the season finale, most likely out of fear that few of them would show up for a game during the weekend at the front end of Spring Break. But even if this is true, the Hoo Crew executive board should have fought to the death for their members’ right to attend the games in the same fashion they’ve attended them all season. These guys stood idly by as their peers were squeezed out of the picture for tickets to not only the most pivotal game of the season, but one of the most important games in the history of the Virginia basketball program.

While this is a terrible way for the Hoo Crew to close out the year, it gives students who were lucky to score tickets a chance to make a statement. For the first time all season, the Virginia student fan base has the chance to unite and cheer on the Cavaliers together, without segregated seating and a mandatory dress code. Those hideous Hoo Crew T-shirts should be kept at home, and fans should come together to help cheer the Cavaliers to victory over Maryland.

Maybe that unifying spirit can even be carried into next season. It might even inspire the Hoo Crew to adopt a more inclusive policy that works to bring Virginia student fans together. I know it sounds crazy, but it just might work.

It is time for Virginia students to stop blindly embracing a group that has been marred by shoddy management and unreasonable rules and regulations. With one of the top facilities in the country set to open across the street from U-Hall next season, it’s important that something is done to try and include all Virginia students.

And let’s try and keep the surprises to a minimum.

CHAPEL HILL, N.C. — Once again, the Virginia Cavaliers (14-12, 7-8 ACC) gave an embarrassing effort while on the road. No.15 North Carolina (20-6, 11-4) was the latest ACC team to take advantage of Virginia’s road woes as the Tar Heels cruised to a 99-54 victory last night. The 45-point margin is the largest margin of victory in the 167-game series that dates back to the 1910-11 season. North Carolina’s first-half total of 49 points was almost enough for Roy Williams’ team to secure the win.

“It got away before the jump ball,” Virginia coach Dave Leitao said. “We were not prepared — physically, mentally, team-wise — we were not prepared.”

In this game, unlike in Virginia’s previous two road losses, the Cavaliers did hold a lead at one point. Virginia played with energy in the game’s opening minutes and was able to maintain a 7-4 advantage. At that point, however, the Tar Heels went on a 10-0 run to take a lead they would not surrender. Leitao called a time out after North Carolina point guard Bobby Frazor’s three-point shot made the score 14-7. After the timeout, J.R. Reynolds made a lay-up for Virginia’s first points in nearly two minutes. David Noel would quickly answer with 12 consecutive points to get the Tar Heels started again. Noel had 19 of his game-high 26 points in the first half. By contrast, Virginia’s leading scorer, Reynolds, had 19 points in the entire game.

Later in the first half, North Carolina would go on a 12-0 run to extend its lead to 43-19. The second run included two three-point buckets, one by guard Marcus Ginyard and the other by Noel. In the game, North Carolina was 11-20 from beyond the three-point arc, while Virginia was a dismal 4-24.

“It’s not just shooting,” Reynolds said of the low three-point percentage. “Off the ball, we weren’t rotating. We weren’t getting our shots.”

The second half was no better for the Cavaliers as North Carolina twice doubled up Virginia’s score with leads of 65-32 and 72-36 at times in the second half.

“We fell apart,” Leitao said of his team’s defense. “Everything that was done is not there right now. We have to get back in the gym and correct it.”

The score was not the only evidence of North Carolina’s dominance. The Tar Heels out-rebounded the Cavaliers by a margin of 45-28. North Carolina also had more defensive rebounds (33) than Virginia had total rebounds. Tar Heel freshman Tyler Hansbrough had a game-high eight rebounds, while no Cavalier player had more than four rebounds.

“They are a thousand times better,” Leitao said of how much North Carolina has improved since the team last met Jan. 19. “The stats prove it. Obviously, their play proves it as well.”

The contest was the final road game of the year for the Cavaliers. Virginia was only able to record two wins on the road all year and only one against a conference opponent. The Cavaliers have also suffered their worst losses of the year on the road. Virginia has a losing conference record for the first time this year since the team was 1-2 following a Jan. 11 loss to Florida State.

“We haven’t gotten comfortable on the road all year,” Virginia guard Sean Singletary said. “Every road game it has been the same case.”

While the University’s School of Engineering and Applied Sciences is easily filling its classes, less and less students nationwide are interested in pursuing engineering, according to Mechanical Engineering Prof. Larry Richards.

In order to combat the problem, the Engineering School has developed a number of outreach programs to stir an engineering interest in middle and high school students in Virginia.

GEMS

Girls Excited about Math and Science is a student organization that travels to nearby middle schools to get girls involved in science and, quite simply, to have fun.

GEMS visits each Charlottesville-area middle school once per semester and helps the young women complete an enjoyable math or science activity. Previous experiments include making Gak, having egg-drop competitions and completing logic problems.

Third-year Engineering student and Co-President Kara Worrest said GEMS members spend most of their time with sixth-grade girls because their schedule matches the best with University volunteers.

“We focus on middle school because it’s proven that middle school is when girls start falling behind guys in the fields of math and science,” Worrest said.

Although the club only works with female students, second-year Engineering student and co-president Emily Hebeler said the experiments are not gender-specific.

“We do something that’s fun, that boys would also enjoy,” Hebeler said.

Ultimately, both Worrest and Hebeler said GEMS hopes to sustain girls’ interest in math and science as they get older.

“We want to get more girls to continue with math in high school and in their college years, along with engineering,” Hebeler said.

Worrest said the girls’ reactions after the activities are the most rewarding moments of the program.

“They say, ‘I thought math and science was a lot different,’ and some say ‘I want to be an engineer when I grow up,’” Worrest said. “As to how true that is, I’d like to think it will be.”

Explorations in Engineering

Professors Dana Elzey and James Groves are co-teaching a semester-long course designed for high school students in the Blue Ridge Virtual Governor’s School called “Explorations in Engineering.” The course, a collaboration of the Engineering School and the School of Continuing and Professional Studies, is taught with distance learning methods and aims to differentiate engineering from other sciences.

Last semester, Elzey said he used videoconference technology but it was too unreliable. This semester the class uses Horizon Wimba, what he described as an “Internet-based audio visual project.”

During the class, Elzey and Groves sit at their own computers with a headset and a microphone. From a University location, the two professors can present PowerPoint slides as well as other software programs to students on computers at their respective high schools. The professors can lecture through the microphones as well as ask and answer questions, break the students off into groups and communicate solely with one student at a time in their virtual classroom.

“We want to expose students to engineering,” Groves said. “Engineering is not on the standard high school curriculum. This exposure to engineering helps students know something about the field so they can make an educated guess” about a possible career.

Elzey also said the misperception of engineering students needing to be at the top of their class in math and science was a reason for creating the class.

“It’s more than” math and science, Elzey said. “It’s creative thinking, working in teams, having something in mind to change. We need more well-rounded engineers.”

The course culminates in an engineering project. This semester, Elzey said the project deals with solving issues related to senior citizens, such as memory loss, physical exercise and social isolation.

Groves said he and Elzey are optimistic they will expand the program to encompass southwestern Virginia next semester.

“It seems to me like a mission accomplished,” Elzey said.

Engineering Teaching Kits

The purpose of Prof. Larry Richards’ fourth-year mechanical engineering class is for each group of five or six students to develop an engineering design project and a lesson plan suitable for a middle school class — a “teaching kit.”

“The key is that the [University] students must design each teaching kit using everyday materials that are affordable for middle schools,” Richards said.

Richards’s teaching kits focus on the design element of engineering rather than equations. The teaching kits that are currently being created include designing hovercrafts, creating water filtration systems and studying the engineering of roller coasters.

“I knew science kits were out there, but what they seemed to be missing was showing engineering as something other than science and math,” Richards said.

Fourth-year Engineering student Meg Olson is working on a water filtration teaching kit.

“Basically we’ll go through the use of water as a resource and how engineers do what engineers do and the decisions they make based on what they have,” Olson said. “Then we’ll go through how water is cleaned in different parts of the world, and the final project is given a set bunch of objects, the kids have to put a filter together.”

Despite the element of fun for the students in the teaching kits, Richards said they serve a practical purpose as well.

“When these kits were used in a summer enrichment program, there was a significant improvement in topics related to the Virginia Standards of Learning after the teaching kits were used,” Richards said. “These things do make a difference.”

Center for Diversity in Engineering

The Center for Diversity in Engineering directs five different programs in order to attract a diverse group of students to the Engineering School.

The biggest project is the week-long summer program for high school students called Intro to Engineering.

“ITE is good because it provides the opportunity to have a diverse population of students who are academically on the same level,” CDE director Carolyn Vallas said.

Another program, Juntos Podemos, reaches out to Hispanic high school students across Northern Virginia.

University students travel to high schools with large Hispanic populations to educate them about the importance of staying in school and the possibility of a career in engineering. The Hispanic students can also choose to apply to spend the night at the University during the Engineering Open House.

“We choose the Engineering Open House because the labs are open, and the faculty is here,” Vallas said. “The focus is to expose them to everything engineering that we can.”

CDE offers an outreach program at Charlottesville High School for physics tutoring as well.

Another large outreach program CDE sponsors is the Society of Women Engineers’ Visitation Weekend. This event, like Juntos Podemos, involves female high school students spending the night at the University during the Engineering Open House.

“The Visitation Weekend is a wonderful opportunity to really excite women about engineering,” Vallas said.

First-year Engineering student Jessica Bashkoff attended the program when she was in high school and hosted students for SWE’s program this year.

“It’s interesting to see how you were when you were them,” Bashkoff said. “It was a good way to first see the University.”

First-year Engineering student Christina Stamper also hosted prospective engineers.

“The purpose is to get women to go into engineering in general, not just at U.Va.”

Will someone please slap some sense into the women in my family? I’ve given up — they just won’t listen to me.

Arranged marriages are making a comeback in 2006, and I’m trying to keep the Parsley girls on the cutting edge. But if none of them call dibs on one of my friends before we peace out in May, I worry that each and every one may be stuck with having to find a husband on her own.

My mom has tried that before, more than once — and she’s living proof that the third time really is a charm. I’m glad that I was born and all, but the fact remains: Louise Parsley is lucky that the gamble paid off.

I refuse to sit by idly as my sisters and cousins allow history to repeat itself — the risk that one of them might plant an uncool-in-law into the Parsley Patch is not one that I’m willing to take.

This is the rest of my life we’re talking about, after all.

History has given arranged marriages a bad rap, and for good reason: Choosing a woman’s spouse on her behalf is clearly a recipe for disaster if politics and money are the only two ingredients in the batter.

Finding a scratch golfer who likes the Astros and can quote “Seinfeld”… now that arrangement would make for a perfectly good wedding cake.

Just ask my dad to tell you about the golden opportunity he came across in 1972, when he met his good Virginia buddy Tom McNearney — this is what inspired me to play matchmaker in the first place.

Do arranged marriages work? Take a look at Uncle Tom and Aunt Sharon’s Christmas card, and then you tell me.

If four healthy, vivacious children, a nice house in suburban Dallas and a cute dog named Brownie isn’t enough proof, I don’t know what it is exactly that what you want in life.

Their oldest daughter Katie, who happens to be a fourth year at Virginia, obviously doesn’t know what she wants in life, either. She’s had an opportunity of her own sitting on the table for three years, but for some reason, tries to deny that there’s anything golden about it.

In Katie’s case, it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if history did happen to repeat itself.

Her dad, Tom, was a tall, lanky, funny out-of-stater who met his wife through a buddy from his first-year hall named Bob Parsley.

It just so happens that I, too, have a good friend who is a tall, lanky, funny out-of-stater from my first-year hall.

His name is also Tom.

If you’re Katie, how is this NOT a flashing red sign of what is meant to be?

I’ve been pushing the Katie Kuklinski Project for years, only to be told “No” by both of the parties involved each time it is brought up. But for as much resistance as I’ve encountered, I do find it interesting that Katie hasn’t thrown away my 13-part numbered list of why it needs to happen.

Not only has she not thrown it away, she’s got it thumb-tacked in the middle of her bulletin board.

Some parts of the list are anachronistic by now, but the main themes of “Why Katie Should Date Tom: By Bayless Parsley” ring just as true today as they did two years ago:

1) He’s “not Unattractive.” — Katie

2) He’s funny.

3) He’s extremely accepting. (TRUE)

4) He’s CATHOLIC.* (*this was underlined four times)

5) He can dunk. (genetics for kids)

6) He is a tall, funny, goofy friend from my first-year hall. (just like your dad was to my dad)

7) Your kids will be double legacies to U.Va.

He is smart.

9) He is hard-working. (Little John’s)

10) He is a source of free subs. (Little John’s)

11) He is frugal, which means more $ to spend on you.

12) Will make in-law activities more fun for Bayless.

13) Weird? INTERESTING!* (*underlined)

But beggars can’t be choosers — I’m aware of the saying.

That’s why I’ve also offered this opportunity to Katie’s little sister Allison, a second-year Virginia student.

Another “No.”

How about my big sister Elizabeth, who graduated from U.Va. last year?

“No, Bayless. I’m not marrying your friends, for the last time.”

Garland, my beloved little sister?

“Gross! I’m only 15, Bayless!”

Women — they can be so selfish sometimes.

Bayless’ column runs biweekly on Thursdays. He can be reached at bayless@cavalierdaily.com.