In defense of douchery
This University prides itself on rankings. The annual release of the “America’s Best Colleges” issue of U.S. News & World Report is circled on President John T. Casteen, III’s calendar months ahead of time. When Forbes listed schools like Hampden-Sydney ahead of the University in its 2009 best colleges list, students cried foul. It has even been rumored that Virginia football and basketball were once ranked in the top 25 of ESPN and AP polls. Not sure about that one.
Recently, the list of accolades has grown one larger: GQ Magazine has listed the University the 25th “douchiest” college in the U.S. Though the recognition is appreciated, GQ has in reality doled out a backhanded compliment: clearly, the University deserves to be ranked much higher on this list. Furthermore, we have qualms with the word “douchey” — it is not that students here are douches, but rather that they are simply better than everyone else.
The jealousy of GQ and the like is nearly palpable. Friedrich Nietzsche said it best: the weak-willed populace, filled with resentment toward the strong and powerful, cleverly inverted the world’s moral scheme to leapfrog the Homeric aristocrats and brand itself as noble. In other words, GQ targeted University students — honorable champions of Jeffersonian values — in a feeble attempt to reconstruct society as we know it. The proletariat will not reign, however, and the University shall remain on its pedestal overlooking the unrefined masses.
The problem with using the word “douchey” to describe this state of affairs, instead of “awesome,” is that it implies a certain unwarranted arrogance — our arrogance is entirely warranted. How dare GQ and men.style.com suggest that University community members are full-of-themselves and pretentious? And how dare those publications besmirch Mr. Jefferson’s legacy one step further, ranking the University only 25th and referring to it as the “blue-blazer douche?” Lest anyone forget, blue blazers describe only a small fraction of our overall excellence. How could GQ’s editors leave out those beautiful sorority girls who exclude others on the basis of appearance and wealth alone? Or what about that proud, inebriated, backwards-hatted fraternity man standing — like a regal knight — on the stained cushions of a couch, shouting obscenities at mere first-year students? Lawnies and secret society members: Where is your sense of decency, to not respond with force and vigor to these libelous allegations of douchery?
At least we are given good company. Honorable-mention blue blazer douches included Duke, Johns Hopkins, and even football powerhouses like William & Mary. If using an ampersand in your college’s name does not imply snobbery, nothing does.
GQ’s assault on our reputation would have been easier to stomach had it not mischaracterized our culture so horridly. For example, the write-up attacks our usage of highbrow, esoteric language to describe everyday things, such as saying “the Lawn” instead of “the quad.” (What the hell is a quad?) However, it erroneously implies that we insist on referring to the Civil War as the “War Between the States.” That accusation is borderline offensive. Everyone knows that the Civil War should only be called the “War of Northern Aggression.”
In a final crack at blasphemy, GQ suggested our football fans are soft and just sit around drinking mint juleps in the stands. This falsity barely merits a retort. Mint juleps are far too difficult to make during a game; students would clearly choose bourbon, peach schnapps or a nice chardonnay instead.
Although GQ missed some of the University’s finer attributes with its rankings, we give it credit for recognizing our charm. Students must take responsibility to ensure a higher douchery ranking in future years. Fear not, founder Jefferson: we shall carry on the glory of our alma mater into the ages. We will not buckle to the forces of social progress. We put the “status” in status quo.
HILARIOUS.
Reading this in biology and getting glares from the other students because I’m laughing so hard
As someone who spent $100 for new clothes to wear when I got invited by my legacy friend to be the black guy in the president’s box, I am only disappointed that we didn’t rank higher. I’m hanging up my $70 UVA suspenders in annoyance.
Also afraid this was going to be serious and I was going to have some words with some of my dear friends, but this is great.
I was talking about our “douchiness” with a fellow UVA grad who is now doing post-grad studies elsewhere. We realized that really other universities don’t have douches, but instead are plagued with unkempt masses of idiots on their quads. Our idiots have standards, and thus are douchebags. I never thought I would find a reason to like douchebags…
Let’s not forget that we UVA students think so highly of ourselves that we tout “self-governance” as a major principle. Honor, UJC, IFC, etc. all are student run because, damnit, we’re so good we don’t need no faculty.
Yo editor, I’m really happy for you, and ima let you finish, but Money Talks was the best Lead Editorial of all time
Just kidding, this was awesome.
hmmm… sounds like someone at the cav daily needs to defect and write for the dec. cav daily editorials are only allowed to be self-important and humorless.
I am glad that someone can find humor in UVAs ridiculous pretentiousness
we do suck, but we also are better than most
-SC
At least you realize you all really are douches…
You nailed it! You make the alumni proud!
Well done UVA. Well done.
As an alumnus (CLAS ‘04), I personally hold you responsible for my entire office staring at me less than 5 minutes after we found out that our boss had passed away. Why? Because out of no where I just start laughing hysterically! This article is making it’s way around facebook and a ton of alumni e-mail lists, I’ve gotten it 6 times in the past 4 hours! THANK YOU!
Oh, and HOKIES#1, this douche would like his luxury SUV filled with premium gas. and could you get my windows while you’re at it? I’d get out of the car, but I don’t want my perfectly awesome blazer to smell like Blacksburg.
Yes we really are douches, but we are douches who are better than you and everyone else in that giant argricultural experiment otherwise known as your whole school. I am going to enjoy having you work for me one day.
I thought coming from the Douchiest magazine in America this was a compliment. Come on, what kind of douche publishes over 200 pages of men’s fashion editorial monthly? Your New York Magazine Snob douche.
This is retarded. I went to UVA undergrad and I’m a tad embarrassed (but not surprised) the Cav Daily has sought new standards of journalistic excellence bragging about a 25th douchiest ranking. Harvard got 4 and no one here is bragging about it. I feel that says something, especially since the non-achievements Cav is bragging about are pseudo-preppy rip-offs of Ivy schools, anyway. Maybe UVA should try for a more noble goal – like grounded, academically superior PUBLIC school instead of resorting to pretense.Then again, bragging about non-achievements has always been “douchey” in my book. Cheers!
Your time away from the University has obviously destroyed your sense of humor and your ability to write in complete sentences. Where are you going to grad school?
Regarding “pseudo-preppy rip-offs of Ivy schools,” UVa’s brand of douchery goes well beyond these superficial appropriations, which merely signify a genuine affinity with the likes of Harvard or Princeton, much as the entrenched Northeastern douchocracy is loath to admit it. Nobody, but nobody, has anything remotely as status-defining as our vocabulary–the Grounds, The Lawn, first-years, etc.–because these aren’t verbal gimmicks, marketing tricks to differentiate us within a saturated market. No, Jefferson took on the entire euro-ecclesiastical tradition with these terms, and other schools are still catching on. These words are constant reminders that, after the nation finally got on its feet after surviving the War of 1812, Jefferson reinvented higher education. Other schools have been playing catch up ever since. Ivy douchery can’t touch that, no matter how big their endowments get.
Finally someone who actually goes there who gets it. Good article.
But really now.. “rich history?” uh, would that be the built by slave labor part, the whole eugenics thing, or being one of the last schools to befowl themselves with blacks or women??
And then there is the suppressed history: The lawn was an overflowing camp of dying and dead confederate soldiers for years. Not many other universities can boast a mass grave. Must be 20 people who died in every one of those rooms now filled with coke parties. The surrender of the college and town – at the begging of the mayor and UVA big wigs waving white flags to Custer and begging him not to destroy it like they had just done to VMI. Doesn’t make the “top 5 events” in history according to UVA nowadays – of course..
It didn’t take long for someone who has never had a job to pipe in and boast about his unearned riches though, did it? They even come downtown to spend daddy’s money sometimes. In town, we think the limitless arrogance (based on nothing), the superiority complex, and the revolting displays of unearned wealth of most (not all) UVA brats are all just the result of being poor little rich kids from NOVA still bitter about getting rejected by the Ivy League.
Really, we didn’t read those amazing application essays you wrote.. Really..
As for who will be working for who, I heard the new Biltmore staff is made up almost entirely of UVA grads. Good for them. At least they finally got a job and decided to grow up.
“The University” LOL.
When someone gets called a dooshbag, and their response is “no, we’re just better than you”, that is about as dooshy as one may stoop. What makes Uva kids better than everyone? I was born and raised in Charlottesville and even as a little kid I remember thinking how gay the majority of students were. Just super preppy kids that carried an ego like they were cool cats to hang out with, but in reality they were posers and just dorks. Seriously, I love Virginia and the University and its athletics, but you UVA students are what people say you are……DOOSHBAGS! haha, my roomate went to VA and trust me, the kid isn’t better than anybody I know of, he probably hasn’t been laid since college, where stuck up UVA girls were the only ass he could get cause he could use “we’re better than everyone” pick-up lines. seriously, i’ve never read a more ignorant article in my life. can’t wait to hear some dooshy responses to this from little bitch uva students/alums.
Seriously… Charlottesvillian… the article is SATIRE.
Sadly, you’re response only proves why U.Va. students think they’re better than you. Because when The Cavalier Daily’s managing board takes a stand against douchery by mocking it and poking fun … you actually think they’re serious. LMFAO.
“Just about every other school in Virginia likes to bash UVA kids for being ‘pretentious’ and ’snobs.’ In other words, they get called out for thinking they’re better than everyone else. Well, if you went to the school in Virginia with the most stringent admissions requirements, best overall athletic program, most beautiful campus and coeds, most successful and famous alumni, the most storied social scene, was founded by Thomas Jefferson, and all that happened to be in what was voted the #1 city to live in America, well you’d think you were the shit too.”
-ESPN
Some of you guys are really good at getting sarcasm. I’m looking at you, Charlottesvillian, and you, Meghan.
^ never learned sarcasm or to spell douche
Hokies#1, Laughing Townie & Charlottesvillan – what are you doing reading a cavalierdaily.com article?? While you all have clever names, we don’t care what you think and no uva alumni is offended by your words. so loosen up a little
1. Hilarious!
2. CLAS ‘04 and Regal Knight…thank you for saying what everyone else was thinking.
3. Meghan – Just to clarify – Douche: (Doo Sh) n. Someone who “discreetly” states they attend Harvard in an attempt to make themselves seem more sophisticated or elite among their peers. Individuals often suffer from several severely debilitating insecurities. Cheers!
The satire was hilarious! LOL Very well done!
To Charlottesvillain:
For the “townies” such as yourself, pretending to be hard, and that love to use their psuedo-blue collar pretention I would like you to know that I’m a nontraditional student, of a multiracial/ethnic family background, lower income family that couldn’t possibly afford to live in your psuedo-tough town without student loans because its too expensive. I’m from Richmond, northeast side, why don’t you come down there and act hard, see where you get with that. People would laugh at you for acting like Charlottesville is so “tough man.” I’m struggling, eating 1 meal a day, on student loans, there ain’t no “daddy” to pay my bills. So next time you wanna dis my school, or call us all “douches” get a job, a sense of humor, go to night school, without any help or complaining about how hard your life is, and maybe you won’t be so bitter about being stuck in your “tough” little town. Please, you gotta be kidding me….
Charlottesvillian:
Ignorant = you using the word Gay as an insult…educate yourself.
I have lived here for 16 years and have realized only one truth about this town. The City of Charlottesville is a much more pleasant place during June, July, and August. There is less traffic, noise and arrogance. This article may have been written as a joke however it hit the nail on the head. Never has the EGO, mentality, and total lack of character been captured ever so exquisitely. Even students now residing in Charlottesville tend to agree.
I thought this article was hilarious. It is a wonderfully written satirical piece that embellishes the stereotypes placed on UVA students. Coming from within the school’s paper makes it that much more enjoyable.
Honestly, I would love to put together a similar piece about our agriculture program and the stereotypes other schools have of us because of it. It could be done similarly to this article and elicit the same laughs.
But, being a Tech student who had (gasp!) friends at UVA, I visited frequently and enjoyed many a frat party with these ‘douchebags’. From my experience during those times, they were nothing but great ladies and gentlemen to hang out with, and I appreciated every minute of it.
So nicely done, wahoos. Embrace your ‘douchiness’!!! Hahaha.
(btw, a friend of mine who graduated from UVA sent me this link. I had shown him the link in GQ, and he sent me this as a rebuttal of sorts. No, I don’t read your paper on a regular basis… even though I may start.)
UVA – Did Jefferson set out to create a University that caters to Upper Class White students from affluent families? Did he create a University that is self absorbed and only motivated by class,financial status or societal position?
This was fantastic. I want to meet the person that wrote this article. I’m so proud that a Cavalier could so accurately and humorously portray the student body. For the record, in my experience, the article hits the nail on the head. I’m glad that the douches in Charlottesville can laugh at themselves these days. We’d all be in trouble if we couldn’t laugh at ourselves. As a graduate of Hampden-Sydney (probably #26 on the douche list, as a combination of UVA’s blue blazer/bow tie at the football game loser and UGA’s smelling like deer piss in class douche) and a current resident of Charleston, SC (home of the “I never venture north of Broad” douche), I’ve seen FAR too much douchebaggery in my day. I think the part that bothers most about UVA is its insistence on referring to its students as “simply better than everyone else.” However, as I am also a life-long Virginia Tech fan, I’ve seen first hand what happens when real life takes priority over stereotypes and status: the day in April ‘07 that the Wahoos painted the words “Hoos for Hokies” on the bridge following the massacre I was reminded that even though there are douche bags on every campus, there are good people too.
In rebuttal to ESPN’s post:
Well, if you went to the school in Virginia with the most stringent admissions requirements (I believe that’s William & Mary), best overall athletic program (toss-up…honestly, lacrosse and soccer just don’t carry that much weight), most beautiful campus (W&L) and coeds (JMU…Playboy says so), most successful (let’s see some stats) and famous alumni (ok that one’s probably true), the most storied social scene (Hampden-Sydney…no contest), was founded by Thomas Jefferson (true), and all that happened to be in what was voted the #1 city to live in America (Huntsville, Alabama – http://www.kiplinger.com/tools/slideshows/slideshow_pop.html?nm=BestCities2009), well you’d think you were the shit (Seriously, nobody at ESPN says shit) too.”
Show me a link…cmon you Wahoos are usually pretty good about citing your work!
ha…and as soon as I post I realize that my link doesn’t work…anyways Kiplinger ranked Hunstville the best place to live in 2009
http://www.kiplinger.com/money/bestcities/
Youngsters, it’s not The War of Northern Agression; that’s a redneck South Carolina/Georgia thing. In the gentle confines of the Commonwealth it is properly referred to as “The Recent Unpleasantness Between the States”
Actually… the ranking is based on a book published a few years ago. Here’s a link to a story about the ranking: http://www.usatoday.com/life/lifestyle/2004-03-29-best-cities-main_x.htm
Secondly, the ESPN review came from an issue of ESPN magazine that came out a couple of years ago. It might not be online, but you’ll probably find that excerpt all over the internet. Why don’t you just Google it?
Actually, Jefferson set out to create the first totally secular university.
Amazing article! Oh and you C-ville folks… you’re just mad we call you townies… which seems to be a good word most of the time. What do you expect us to think, when you roll in and try to crash our parties? Why do you even bother to come if you hate us so much? Buy your own drinks, and through your own party, because we sure as hell will be no where around you!
As a Hopkins undergrad, married to a University alumna, going to Duke for graduate school, I am attempting to complete the Southern “Douchefecta”… though Hopkins being in the blue blazer douche category was a pleasant surprise, since I never saw a blue blazer while in Baltimore… except on me.
This editorial reminds me of Hopkins alumnus Russell Baker’s diatribe in the NY Times against the rankings that put U of Chicago last in social life while Hopkins was merely second to last…
sic semper tyrannis!
To Amused: If you don’t think UVA’s athletic program is good, you are blind. Soccer, BASEBALL, lacrosse, swimming, diving, rowing, tennis, golf, wrestling, field hockey, track and field (including XC), women’s basketball… Yeah. I thought so.
Oh, and I haven’t heard of Hampden-Sydney… I guess its not too talked about, is it then?
the purpose of this article gets lost in its author’s desire to cater to too broad a readership. If you wish to defend The University’s “douchey” qualities, then by all means do so, I certainly will. However, the article descends into lampooning a wide variety of demographics and values within The University and in doing so becomes unfocused and any salient and humorous point is lost is this mire of confusion.
You’re who the article is about you douche
Excellent article! I feel it truly captured the inner essence of being a University student, something that isn’t often afforded to the groveling masses.
@charlottesvillian/townie: First and foremost, for someone who so loathes the University and all it stands for, WHY oh why are you reading its publications. I want to suspect jealousy, but I’ll afford you more credit than that. But please for the love of what ever deity/ghost you believe in, get a sense of HUMOR. Its called sarcasm, google it.
Refering to the Civil War either as the War Between the States or the War of Agression is terribly uncouth. The proper term is “The Late Unpleasentness”
Freakin’ awesome! Y’all make this ol’ Hoo Proud.
Rowdy
SEAS ‘93
From the perspective of eighty-four years of age this is a great article which I enjoyed.
Another reason to daily read the Cav Daily. Love it.
this sums it up pretty well: http://misterirrelevant.com/index.php/2009/09/10/dmv-best-anti-uva-license-plate-ever/
thank-you for making this working morning more tolerable than every other this week…exceptional, in fact.
Using Friedrich Nietzsche to make a point just goes to show how douchey UVA in fact is.
Prior to becoming a student at UVA, I was blinded by the rumors of students being highly preppy and proud. Coming from a small town in southwestern VA, that has definitely aided in the spreading of these rumors, affected my initial views of the university. However, there are too many generalizations made about the university that are false, such as thinking they’re “better than everyone else.” Yes, this does apply to some people who are insecure and therefore ridicule others. But it’s not true for the majority.
In my senior year of high school, I was nervous about even considering UVA because of its proposed “snobbiness.” I was afraid that coming from a small community in “SOVA” would hinder my enjoyment while in college. However, my guidance counselor, who graduated from UVA, insisited otherwise, so I accepted the offer of admission. I couldn’t be more happy about my decision. For the past three weeks of being a student, I have realized how correct my counselor was. I feel just like any other student on grounds (the campus). I no longer have the fear of sounding dumb when I talk due to my “southern VA accent.” I no longer feel inferior due to my family’s low income or the fact that I’m the first member of my family to go to college. I’m proud of myself for getting into such a great university, and I have no regrets.
Also, who cares about which school has the best athletic program and whatnot; the purpose of going to college is TO LEARN. And as for the comments about mommy and daddy paying for everything. NEWS FLASH! If it weren’t for financial aid from UVA, I wouldn’t even be writing this comment.
Two words: Katie Couric
Two more words: her colonoscopy
This thread is really funny for a variety of reasons. It seems silly to me how seriously Townies and Hokies alike take this article–using a satirical editorial as evidence for their stereotypes? Come on. For Townies who are so bitter about having to share their city with college kids for nine months of the year, seeing them crash college parties seems like quite a contradiction, doesn’t it? Sorry for adding to the city’s income, but I hope you’re enjoying our parties!
I really enjoyed the editorial–kudos to the Cav Daily!
Wow! A townie doesn’t like students at the local university! Shocking
HooFan,
You’re right…UVA’s athletic program is excellent, top to bottom…except the bottom is WAAAAY down in the bottom (see UVA’s tough week one football opponent). There are many athletic programs in our commonwealth that are perpetual contenders on a national level. Recently, JMU and Richmond have won football National Championships. Virginia Tech has won 3 ACC football championships since 2004, participated in the Women’s College World Series in 2008 and went to the men’s soccer final four in 2007. UVA, believe it or not, was not the only Virginia team to play in the College World Series last year — Shenandoah University competed in the Division III World Series (I was there in 2005 as a member of the Hampden-Sydney team that played in the Division III World Series). Virginia Wesleyan College won a Men’s basketball National Championship in 2007 and returned to the title game in 2008. Virginia Union has won multiple basketball national championships. The list goes on…the bottom line is while the Commonwealth is a great sports state, there is not one single University or College that can clearly be marked as the best in VA, especially if you place more emphasis on the big 3, football, basketball and baseball, as ESPN does.
By the way, that little college you’ve never heard of, Hampden-Sydney, was founded in 1775 with Patrick Henry and James Madison as founding trustees, and is ranked #54 on Forbes.com’s list of Best Colleges in America, ahead of such fine institutions as UVA (64th), Duke, Wake Forest, Georgetown, Dartmouth, Brown, UPenn, and UNC Chapel Hill. I don’t place a whole lot of emphasis on these ranking things…point is, H-SC is a good school…with a douche bag population that rivals that of any school in VA.
Smalltowngirl- you’re absolutely right…but there are many core values and lessons that are best taught on the field of play. Having a great athletic program does not make a school a good school. But it does make a good school better. Additionally, congratulations on your achievements…your sense of pride is not unwarranted. Good luck in college!
HooFan,
You’re right…UVA’s athletic program is excellent, top to bottom…except the bottom is WAAAAY down in the bottom (see UVA’s tough week one football opponent). There are many athletic programs in our commonwealth that are perpetual contenders on a national level. Recently, JMU and Richmond have won football National Championships. Virginia Tech has won 3 ACC football championships since 2004, participated in the Women’s College World Series in 2008 and went to the men’s soccer final four in 2007. UVA, believe it or not, was not the only Virginia team to play in the College World Series last year — Shenandoah University competed in the Division III World Series (I was there in 2005 as a member of the Hampden-Sydney team that played in the Division III World Series). Virginia Wesleyan College won a Men’s basketball National Championship in 2006 and returned to the title game in 2007. Virginia Union has won multiple basketball national championships. The list goes on…the bottom line is while the Commonwealth is a great sports state, there is not one single University or College that can be clearly marked as the best in VA, especially if you place more emphasis on the big 3, football, basketball and baseball, as ESPN does.
By the way, that little college you’ve never heard of, Hampden-Sydney, was founded in 1775 with Patrick Henry and James Madison as founding trustees, and is ranked #54 on Forbes.com’s list of Best Colleges in America, ahead of such fine institutions as UVA (64th), Duke, Wake Forest, Georgetown, Dartmouth, Brown, UPenn, and UNC Chapel Hill. I don’t place a whole lot of emphasis on these ranking things…point is, H-SC is a good school…with a douche bag population that rivals that of any school in VA.
Smalltowngirl- you’re absolutely right…but there are many core values and lessons that are best taught on the field of play. Having a great athletic program does not make a school a good school. But it does make a good school better. Additionally, congratulations on your achievements…your sense of pride is not unwarranted. Good luck in college!
Regal Knight : You guys miss my point, although I guess I deserve that considering my post was caustic and lazily written…
My computer keyboard and I both get the obvious satire. I’m highlighting its irony. What I’m saying is its doubly pretentious to go to these lengths to distance oneself from a “25th douchiest” ranking. Like I said, even if it were ranked 4 it would scarcely be worth mentioning let alone bragging in an article over. It doesn’t mean anything, but the constant fuss everyone always makes about how “preppy” UVA is when its just a normal public school is what I find really contrived and “douchey” – We have sororities, annoying frat guys, goofy traditions, and use big words too often just like everyone. That’s just college!
Instead of taking seriously a ranking in faux preppy-ness that’s not even as high as our actual ranking, let’s just move on. What I read between the lines of Cav’s seemingly self-deprecating article is “I’m well adjusted, but I secretly like going to a school seen as snobby.” Seems like we’re desperately wishing it had been ranked as high in pretense as HYP.
this was easily the funniest thing i’ve seen today. well written and extremely hilarious
HILARIOUS. I love this article. And you guys are stupid for making such a big argument over two satirical news articles haha.
Response to Ms. Passarelo–
Isn’t your highlighting of irony itself somehow ironic?
I think the piece has attracted so much attention because people like the sound of the word “Douche”, including its variant “Douchebag”. Just a thought.
By the way, “Cheers!” as a closing to an epistle was coined by Hunter S. Thompson. For the attribution guy.
Hey Amused,
Are you kidding? There is no way W&M has tougher admissions requirements than UVa.
I love how people who are townies are trying to say they hate uva yet they cling to uva students for parties and friends!
As well… this was a great article i was laughing and it will get posted on facebook for all my non-UVA friends to see because ITS FUNNY and unlike other schools apparently (such as a comment above about harvard #2 on this list not caring) we can make fun of ourselves and not care because WE ARE JUST THAT MUCH BETTER THEN EVERYONE ELSE!:-)
GO Hoos!
Yo Dude that stole my lunch, Im real happy for you, Ima let you finish,but the Hamburglar is one of the best food thiefs of all time…this is at http://imaletyoufinish.com/kanye-will-let-the-hamburglar-finish/ pretty hilarious!
Funny!
I love all the townies that want to hate on UVA students for being rich, spoiled brats. While being a AccessUVA recipient (read “poor”) prevents me from falling in that category (though I love all my fellow Wahoos with their pearls and popped-collars, where’em proudly), I think townies who are doing this type of hating are really an instance of the pot calling the kettle black. I am an Army brat, lived all over, but only during the last three years that I spent working in Charlottesville have ever encountered such rude, arrogant, wreaking of a sense entitlement type of people and would you believe that they aren’t UVA alums?! Ya’ll roll into the BBB in Barracks and give us your shopping lists and tell us to have everything ready when you come back in an hour. The word coupon is beneath you so you say “discount card” instead. You yell, scream, and moan at customer service people because you didn’t get enough of a discount or because we won’t take your freaking expired coupon. WTF? But mostly you talk about how great June, July and August are but I sure didn’t hear you complaining when all us douches were tutoring your children, volunteering in your fire department or with the EMT squad, raising money for Relay for Life, fighting for a Living Wage, working in your homeless shelters or at the Boys and Girls Club. Wake up Charlottesville, you kinda rely on us for a lot! So just accept us as we are, douche or no douche
I peed in a horse once.
Well done. Very funny, especially for a UVA brat.
I am an alumni of Clark University in Worcester, MA. Now we may not be one of the top Universities but I believe we have one of the smartest, happiest student bodies in the country. Now the article written here, is hilarious and I appreciate the fact that your school has a sense of humor when it comes to articles and media like this. However, being a “Douche” is not something to be proud of and surly I believe intelligent students such as yourselves should know that arrogance is a mere sign of weakness. Which in turn makes me doubt the way in which you will explore the arenas of your future education. You may think you are better then everyone, but what good is that when the only ones who consider you to be better are yourselves. I will tell you that education my friends does not make you better then any single person, but instead puts a higher responsibility on what you will do with your new found knowledge. As we can see graduates from the top Universities in this nation have really well, to say the least, screwed the pooch. Maybe it is time for you to do something more than think your great, maybe its time for you to make a difference, because that may actually one day make you what you so say you are.
RE: Jon W
Worcester is a ghetto and Clark is a joke.
Clearly the article is written as a satire. Clever, funny, doesn’t take himself too seriously.
The problem is the UVA kids responding to it. Once out in the real world no one cares that you went to UVA. No one. Then, you continue acting like a douche because that’s what got you all those kinda fat, uglier girls that inhabit your college.
I had many friends that went to UVA and it took a year or so for groups of non-douches to gather and then you could find some fun places to hang out at UVA.
65% Douche
20% Normal People
15% Super Nerd
I went to UVA. Being a douche isn’t something to be proud of. It’s something that majority of you will eventually get your ass kicked for.
A couple of things:
- It is funny, but not surprising how many people are unable to see that this is satire. As any intelligent person who attended UVA knows, there are an awful lot of students of mediocre intelligence at the school.
- Secondly, this article actually is incredibly douchey. It reeks of that smug, left-wing douchiness that is so pervasive at the cavalier daily, in the administration, and in a large part of the rest of the student body. Yes, I would say there are at least as many liberal, stuck-up, greek-bashing, comm school-hating, I’m-so-cool-because-I-hate-UVA douches as there are fratty douches at UVA. This article is seething with disdain for your school, and what makes it worse is that you think it’s clever but it’s actually quite poorly written.
What I don’t understand is why people are making such a huge deal over a funny article written in a college newspaper. This isn’t the New York Times and it’s not like the article was meant to reach a wide variety of audience members. Yes, it is a satire and yes it is funny. The whole point was to show that we find the stereotype of being called “douches” laughable. There are douches here at UVa and there are just as many, if not more, non-douches who love their school but don’t believe they are better then the rest of the world. But reality is: there are both kinds of people at every single school you go to. This past weekend I went to visit friends at James Madison University (a school considered to be one of the friendliest in the nation) and had to hear all sorts of verbal insults being thrown about UVa. If taking pride in the school you attend and being appreciative in all that the school has given you makes you a douche, then I guess you can call me a douche. I worked hard to get into UVa, just as every college student worked hard to get into their respective school. So calm down you “townies” and “hoo-haters” and learn to laugh at hateful stereotypes because when you take them so seriously, you are only adding to the fire. Is that really what you want?
Not only is this piece poorly written, but it accentuates the point GQ and men.style.com were attempting to convey.
Aw poor you Sarah, you heard people talk bad about UVA at JMU. UVA kids do that to pretty much every other school. You think you’re better than everyone else.
The problem isn’t the article, it’s that most of the kids at UVA are Douches!
“Just about every other school in Virginia likes to bash UVA kids for being ‘pretentious’ and ’snobs.’ In other words, they get called out for thinking they’re better than everyone else. Well, if you went to the school in Virginia with the most stringent admissions requirements, best overall athletic program, most beautiful campus and coeds, most successful and famous alumni, the most storied social scene, was founded by Thomas Jefferson, and all that happened to be in what was voted the #1 city to live in America, well you’d think you were the shit too.”
-ESPN
HAHAHA Most beautiful Co-eds, I hope you’re joking and the point is your social scene is a bunch of DOUCHES!
Wow. This was a great article, very funny! Thanks for the laugh!
I do have to say that I am incredibly surprised by the amount of hate that this article has received. I grew up in a poor little place that hated UVA, so I’m not hurt by your “hoo-hating” words. (None of us are.)
It seems that most of the people who dislike UVA fall into one of a few categories:
1) Tried to get in and got rejected.
2) Knew a smart kid who got in but happened to be an asshole. (Guilty by the transitive property of association.)
3) Went to UVA and is pretentious by rising above the snobbery. (Irony! How fabulous!)
4) Lives in Charlottesville and doesn’t like traffic.
Guess what? We alumni have a reputation, however it came about, of being snobby/douchey/conceited/etc. This reputation is long established and a satirical article in the school paper isn’t going to make it any worse. And frankly, not much is going to make it any better. The author chose to accept it, embrace it, and make light of it. And all the “haters” can do is stoop to uneducated responses with no sense of reason. It’s laughable.
We have pride in our school. Get over it.
Douches. One and all.
This comment thread is almost as good as the column itself. I only came here because I know the guy who wrote it. A rare UVA non douche, as is about 20% of his colleagues. When we generalize, we obviously cannot include everyone. There are some really productive, friendly, hard working, volunteering, and smart UVA folks in town. No doubt. But I guess you just don’t notice these people as much because they are such a minority – and the examples of shocking arrogance and stupidity stick in your mind much longer. The benches ripped from the walls out South Street. The shit on the mens room floor as they were being kicked out. The frat boy who stabbed a local firefighter to death on 14th. and Wertland -a nd got away with it thanks to – of course – daddy’s money.
I still have UVA undergrad/grad school/recent grad friends who by and large are just as embarrassed by their drunk/drugged/slutty/elitist/jobless/spoiled/violent counterparts. We all do. As someone who has welcomed 3 UVA women into my bed and had great relationships with them, I am nobody to say that you’re all bad. It’s called being decent, polite, and ethical people whatever your background or situation. “Playing well with others.” Not choosing our friends based on looks and money and thinking we are so superior – based on NOTHING whatsoever. Again, I think the source of most of it is the fact that almost all of them were rejected by a real Ivy League school, they are still bitter, and this is how they deal with it. Silly, but true.
Having lived lots of other places, I can tell you that NO ONE anywhere else will be impressed you went to UVA in any way, save UVA alumni. Just a heads up. Most people in country – especially outside the ACC – don’t even know it exists. Most everyone has heard of VT – but that’s just because they have a good football team. Sorry about that last line. Can’t end with that. I’ll be routing for our local 0-3 team after the bye week. Will you ? =o)
Article write just read “Satire: For Dummies” and went with it. Little wonder all the U.Va students and alumni are satiated.
Laughing Townie, just needed to clarify your one point. I graduated from UVA with an economics major. Two months before graduation I started applying for jobs overseas. Two weeks later I got two offers: Boston Consulting Group London and IRS Switzerland. I had no connections to either, both said they were impressed by the standards UVA sets on their students and the passion for success and leadership most grads have. I don’t believe either of those cities are in the ACC, or are they well-traveled-townie? Oh and one more thing: I went to high school in Austria, public school, all german speaking, and they actually suggested I look into UVA. I’m going on a limb here but I’m guessing that their judgment on this institution couldn’t have come from anywhere else but the good reputation and knowledge that such a place would exist. So maybe some people in this country haven’t heard of UVA, or will ever get the opportunity to, but a well traveled worldly person like you should have realized by now that there is a world outside the US and let me tell you, many have heard of UVA.
Love the quip about social progress. Good thing UVA embraces tradition so much that we’ll never have to worry about our social scene resembling anything more forward-thinking than the Indian caste system where the self-anointed elite refer to others as “peasants” or “irrelevant” – clearly a paragon of altruism and open-mindedness.
I’m just thrilled for when many of them get to see what it’s like to have a “peasant” rule them in the work place. Should be a fun contrast. Reality TV show possibly?
UVA Grad ‘07 – I believe you’re completely missing his point. If you’re attempting to use UVA’s reputation as some form of justification for unbridled and excessive elitism that permeates throughout our social culture, then you’re simply feeding his assertion that a significant portion of our student body acts as though UVA isn’t just a good school – it’s some writ of entitlement that holds true everywhere under the sun. Clearly, this is not the case, and in a highly competitive and meritocratic outside world, the last thing people are going to care about when you’re on the job and expected to produce serious results is what douchey title you held at “the university”, fraternity or otherwise. I believe humility is a virtue that UVA is sincerely lacking, and the article in question has done a superb job of highlighting exactly how unfortunate that reality is.
Editor of GQ clearly a Hokie
This is an incredibly arrogant editorial (and I’m a proud alum).
To all of those UVa folks that say “one day you’ll be working for me” I went to George Mason and now employ several UVA grads.
I think this is an incredibly well written editorial. It reminds me of The Onion. Excellent job!
Wonderful lead editorial. Glad to see that satire still thrives. It would seem that not much has changed on grounds since I was there … other than the absence of the pep band, the masters of satire in my day.