Thoughts while desperately trying to keep my mind off Sunday’s Giants game — I mean ­Super Bowl…

If Vince Carter’s nickname used to be Half Man, Half Amazing because of his highlight reel dunks, Blake Griffin’s should be Half Amazing, Half Even More Amazing. Also, Vince should now revert to being called Half Man, Half Retired.

The new series of Nike ads with the “Kobe System” in them are the best commercials on TV. In the next one, Kanye West should ask, “But Kobe, what if you are so physically gifted that you never have to put in any extra work?” The camera will then pan to an oblivious LeBron James sitting in the back of the room with his headphones on, mocking Kobe in the futile hope of inducing a laugh from those sitting near him. The camera goes back to Bryant — “You’re welcome.”

Speaking of LeBron — who’s admittedly having an incredible season — wouldn’t it be poetic justice if the Heat won the title this year in a wacky, lockout-shortened season? If that happens, I’ll be the first one to throw an asterisk next to it and say things like, “Well, he couldn’t have done it if JR Smith wasn’t stuck in China.”

Apparently Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic competed in one of the most entertaining tennis matches ever Saturday night. I say apparently because the words “tennis” and “entertaining” should only be spoken in the same sentence if there is a Nintendo Wii remote in my hand.

It was smart that the Orlando Magic brass made the painful but obvious decision to trade Dwight Howard before the season. Dealing with him early eliminated the utterly predictable scenario of having a discontented superstar halfheartedly play half a season for a mediocre team which, inevitably, would have created an even greater schism within the organization. Wait, they never traded him? Oh, and that’s exactly what ended up happening? Moving on, nothing to see here folks…

I think I miss Tim Tebow. Oh my god, did I just say that out loud?

Chris Paul and the Clippers currently lead the Pacific Division by one game against the Lakers, while the New Orleans Hornets, Paul’s previous team, are 4-17 through Tuesday. So isn’t it obvious now that David Stern vetoed the Lakers’ trade for Paul solely in the best interests of the league-owned Hornets as he claimed?  Oh, it’s not?

I would pay an ungodly amount of money to witness a full conversation transpire between new teammates Delonte West and Dirk Nowitzki. Just think about it.

So, did anyone see that video clip of the group of young fans decked out in Bulls gear at the Bulls-Heat game switching allegiances and chanting, “Let’s go Heat”? If I were the father of any of those kids, I would be embarrassed to show my face at work the next day. Hell, I’d be ashamed to look at myself in the mirror. There’s really no joke here, just an epic fail for fathers everywhere.

The Knicks. Ah, there’s the joke you were looking for. I actually can speak no more on this subject because I don’t want to start uncontrollably clawing at my eyeballs with ice cream scoops again.

When I came to Virginia three years ago, my dad told me we would win the National Championship in basketball at some point during my four years here. His prediction has gone from an “early onset Alzheimer’s” level of insane to a “Broadway Joe after a few hours at the bar” type of confidence. Thank you, Tony Bennett.

Philadelphia Eagles coach Andy Reid decided earlier this week to bring back his longtime friend and offensive line coach Juan Castillo for a second year as defensive coordinator after he showed so much promise in his first season.  I’d say it’s clear now that Reid’s goal in life is to perpetually torture the fine people of Philadelphia, but I don’t want to jinx it.

I never would have guessed that Peyton Manning’s situation with the Colts could have come close to being as bad as Favre’s with the Packers, but now that Jim Irsay has gone all Colin Farrell in “Horrible Bosses” on us — “trimming the fat” and firing everyone ­— anything is liable to happen.

Is the fact that the Timberwolves finally got Ricky Rubio and Kevin Love together on the same court the best thing that’s happened to the state of Minnesota since “The Mighty Ducks” came out? Was that the most uncalled for and offensive sentence I’ve ever written?

Pet peeves: Teams giving out T-shirts for fans to wear during playoff games; every single Miller Lite commercial; kids who ask questions in class after class is finished; the fact that the Pro Bowl still exists in its current form; the sport of hockey; Roger Goodell arbitrarily giving out fines to maintain the façade that the NFL cares about player safety while publicly pushing for an 18-game schedule; Cabell Hall construction.

Finally, I try to keep telling myself that the Knicks will be better when Carmelo gets healthy, when Amar’e learns how to play basketball again, when Baron Davis comes back — so soon! — and when the team develops some, nay, any semblance of chemistry. Maybe it will all turn around as soon as Mike D’Antoni escapes from captivity and exposes his evil, incompetent twin brother, Francesco, who kidnapped Mike, took his identity and has been bamboozling us all for years.

Ah crap, where’d those ice cream scoops go?