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The Dating Revolution: A social experiment in chivalry

One would think that growing up in the years of Disney movies such as "Lady and the Tramp," most college-aged guys would have gotten the point that what every girl really wants is to be treated like a lady. Yet an overwhelming aspect of male and female interaction at the University is centered not on candlelit dinners over spaghetti but, instead, on the "hook-up."

When exactly old-fashioned dating disappeared is unbeknownst to most females. While this hook-up trend has become quite strong, a group of six male University students tried to take a stand to change the University dating scene during the fall of 2005, when they started "The Dating Revolution."

Fourth-year College and Education student Harrison Jones was the organizer of the revolution, which he said stood on three basic principles:

1. Males should intentionally try to get to know a girl either by taking her out to dinner or spending time with her on a individual level.

2. Dating will combat the hook-up culture.

3. The purpose of such dating would be to eventually find a relationship that worked.

Jones had been dissatisfied with the hook-up culture here since his first year and was therefore inspired to initiate The Dating Revolution. Jones developed interest in reviving the diminishing dating scene after reading an article in The Washington Post on Feb. 14, 2005, "Love's Dying Ritual" by Duke University Prof. William Raspberry.

"The youngsters I talk to at Duke University don't seem particularly alarmed, though few will acknowledge some discomfort, some disappointment that they find themselves in a world in which boys don't come courting," Raspberry wrote in the article. "They are, willy-nilly, in a hook-up culture that they, the girls at least, don't remember asking for but feel powerless to change."

Jones said many males fail to realize they have lost the leadership role in terms of dating and pursuing women. So he began asking, why wait until graduate school to start taking dating seriously? Thus, he started the revolution.

For his first night out, Jones took his date to the Hardware Store for dinner and then a concert.

According to the guidelines of the revolution, members were to take women on real dates, which Jones said did not include sorority and fraternity date functions.

Jones said six of his friends actually gave the revolution a chance, one of which being fourth-year College student Patrick Edwards. Last year, Edwards began feeling a strong desire to date but not necessarily the desire for a relationship. Dating at the University, however, had been frustrating him. People here date for one of two reasons, Edwards said, "marriage or mutual masturbation." He said there is rarely ever a solid middle ground of casual dating.

"There's no substitute for getting to know someone by spending one-on-one time" with them, Edwards said. "Personally, you date somebody to find out if you want to be in a more serious relationship."

Another student involved in the Dating Revolution, fourth-year College and Education student Reilly Flynn, said it's difficult to date within both a serious hook-up and relationship culture.

"For me, it's about pursuing healthy relationships with people as opposed to hook-up relationships or party relationships," Flynn said.

Since alcohol tends to play a large role in most college hook-ups, Edwards said the routine college hook-ups often damages any potential for actual dating with that individual.

"Anything from kissing to sex, you form a bond with that person, and so you start to feel as if you know things about them and that you're closer than you actually are," Edwards said.

While alcohol is a major contributing factor within the hook-up culture, another issue preventing dating is fear of commitment and rejection on part of male pursuers.

"I think guys need to just suck it up when they develop interests," Edwards said.

After about seven months of efforts to date, it is fairly safe to say the revolution failed. Harrison wound up pursuing a relationship with one of his dates, and their break-up marked the end of this social experiment, at least in theory. Harrison also said the guys lacked the courage and motivation to date. Even more so, the experiment seemed forced for many of them, feeling as though they had to take girls out even if they weren't initially interested.

"I don't think the Dating Revolution necessarily died in that we're going back to square one," Edwards said. "People walked away with a larger tendency towards boldness now."

Perhaps this small-scale social experiment will transcend its Facebook group, becoming a mentality within a society that values getting to know others on an individual basis without rushing to the extremes. Nevertheless, relationships are naturally complicated.

"In a way, love is the absence of reason," Edwards said. "As long as guys continue to try and be rational about dating and romance, then they're going to always have a hesitance to date."

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