There’s a new CIO on Grounds – and in trees – dedicated to those majestic creatures we call squirrels. Third-year College student and President of the Squirrel Appreciation Club, Johnny Hammersticks, came to the University unsure of what activities to partake in. Hammersticks had always had a strong passion for squirrels and once he saw how many graced our presence here at the University, a lightbulb went off.
Three months into his first year, Hammersticks’ CIO got approval by Student Council.
“I am just grateful that my friends can finally be recognized for how incredibly wonderful they are,” Hammersticks said. “U.Va. without squirrels is like sorority girls without extra large spirit jerseys.”
Third year Commerce student and vice president of the Squirrel Appreciation Club Sloan Kettering played a huge role in getting the club on its feet. Kettering created the club’s most successful fundraising event, called “Culmination of Unresolved Inter-Sorority Tension Days,” in which the sorority chapters on Grounds are pitted against each other in a series of nut gathering festivities.
“We thought the best way to get the most nuts would be to have all the sororities compete against each other,” said Kettering. “Whoever has the most nuts will be the topic of every fraternity brother’s conversations – now there’s something to strive for!”
The club builds a new squirrel nest, equipped with wifi, every week during their meetings. Nests are found at heights of 2 to 20 meters in trees. These weekly meetings are also comprised of a number of activities. For instance, the members screen weekly slide shows of all the pictures of squirrels that members took and submitted throughout the week.
“Biweekly squirrel trivia is a real good time,” said first-year member Gus Nutworthy.
Gus Nutworthy wanted the squirrels to have a greater social media presence so he created Squinder, a dating application inspired by the newly popularized Tinder. Nutworthy said that this helps the club immensely for breeding purposes. Once they are matched up on Squinder, the two squirrels will be put in a dimly lit room, heated to 72 degrees Fahrenheit and left for 45 minutes.
“March to May is when we use Squinder the most because that is a breeding period for the squirrels,” Nutworthy said. “Red squirrels are generally characterized as promiscuous so things get a little wild with them.”
In the winter the club teams up with the Knitting Club to create adorable sweaters for the squirrels.
“You can really tell that they appreciate them,” said second-year member Oak McMaple. “Not only does this help the squirrels, but it truly enhances the experience of our weekly slide shows.”
In May, to celebrate a wonderful school year of squirrel appreciation, the club heads to Newcomb with their favorite squirrel friends and treats them to a feast with their leftover meal swipes. Dinner is followed by speeches, and many tears are shed – from human and squirrel alike.
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