The Cavalier Daily
Serving the University Community Since 1890

Love Connection: Double-Swipe Dean and T-Sully

Double-Swipe Dean takes T-Sully to O'Hill

Double-Swipe Dean
Year: 29th (not kidding!)
Ideal Date: Ideally someone well-to-do, and head of a prestigious research university
Ideal Date Activity: O’Hill Late-night any day of the week
Deal Breakers: People who like Runk
Describe a typical weekend: I wake up on Saturdays at about 7:30 a.m. to start swiping people in for our continental breakfast. Things really get into full swing at 9:30 when the omelet station starts sizzling. O’Hill brunch is probably my favorite meal of the week. I like to turn in early at night so I have plenty of energy to swipe people in with maximum efficiency.
Hobbies: 2000s pop music, ID cards and making first-year friends
What makes you a good catch? I’ve been working at O’Hill longer than you’ve been alive.
What is your spirit animal? Lions. I’m jealous of their manes.
What’s your favorite pick-up line? I’ve lost my ID number… Can I have yours?
Describe yourself in one sentence: Like an O’Hill chicken sandwich, I’m rough and crispy on the outside but warm and tender on the inside.

T-Sully
Year: Fourth
Ideal Date: Scruffy and rough, but with a caring side for hungry U.Va. students.
Deal breakers? Anyone on the Board of Visitors
Describe a typical weekend: I wake up with the sun and head outside to Carr’s Hill. I try to chase drunken frat stars who have crashed on my lawn back to their houses. I like to go to the Corner and see all the well-dressed U.Va. students.
Hobbies: Gardening, meeting fellow Hoos at sporting events and convocation
What makes you a less-than-perfect catch? I went to Michigan State
What is your spirit animal? Anything from the University’s tiny petting zoo
What’s your favorite pick-up line? You must be a parking ticket, because U.Va. gave out over 25,000 last year.
Describe yourself in one sentence: I’m soft-spoken, warm and lovable.

Double-Swipe Dean and T-Sully met at the Rotunda at 6:15 p.m. and went to O’Hill.

Dean: It was cold and foggy. We met at the Rotunda around 6:15 p.m. so we could be right between the 6 p.m. and 7 p.m. rushes.

T-Sully: I suggested the Fresh Food Company, but Dean insisted that nobody calls it that and told me in an aggressive tone, “Newcomb is no O’Hill.” He even offered to guest-swipe me in.

Dean: I usually like to keep the atmosphere upbeat with some funky 2000s pop and sports on the big TV, but this time was special. I had Chavis from the sandwich station put on some Frankie on the radio and “The Bachelor” on TV. Juan Pablo doesn’t intimidate me.

T-Sully: I went straight for the tater tots. It wasn’t even tater-tot Tuesday! What a treat. I think the Hoo Street Grill was really on top of things for Days on the Lawn.

Dean: The conversation got going pretty fast, but there were a few hiccups. Sullivan mentioned something about Miss Kathy at Newcomb being really sweet, but c’mon, have you seen the lunch line there?

T-Sully: Dean seemed like a sweet guy. He was quite passionate about his role of getting people into O’Hill as soon as possible. I really enjoyed the ice milk. It’s nice to see that we’re offering these low-fat choices to the youth of America.

Dean: I loaded up on loaded baked potato pizza. It’s really great that we can get so creative for Meat-Free Monday. I heard some sassy first-year say that O’Hill’s pizza is mediocre. He clearly hasn’t tried the Loaded Baked Potato or Chicken Barbecue.

T-Sully: There was one funny moment. I asked him to pass me some pepper, which he passed behind his back and dropped. It was very rude of him. He reminded me of Helen Dragas in that regard.

Dean: Once “New York, New York” came on, I knew the tone was set. I was certainly getting my flirt on, and I could feel T-Sully reciprocating. I’m sure I’m a breath of fresh air after all those stuffed shirts she has to work with everyday.

T-Sully: I was secretly hoping he’d offer to splurge some Plus Dollars on me at The Chop House, but no such luck. He was definitely my type; I like ‘em scruffy, although I’m not sure if our personalities were compatible.

Dean: I was having a really good time, so I offered to take her to Starbucks with some of the EMPSU coupons I’ve been stashing away.

T-Sully: I tried to order a venti cinnamon apple spice tea, but the rude lady at the counter informed me that I can only get a grande with EMPSU, so I settled for that. It was really sweet of Dean to pay for me, though.

Dean: Starbucks’ hot chocolate is nothing compared to O’Hill’s, but I wanted to show Sully a good time, so I let it slide.

T-Sully: I’d rate the date an 8.5. Dean is a great guy.

Dean: I asked her for her ID number, but she would only give me her computing ID. Still, she said she hopes I’ll email her. I’m thinking about asking her to Mexican Monday next week. I would rate the date a 9.

April Fools!

This article is part of our annual April Fools’ Day issue. Pick up a print copy on stands today!

Or click here to read more online!

Comments

Latest Podcast

The University’s Associate Vice Provost for Enrollment and Undergraduate Admission, Greg Roberts, provides listeners with an insight into how the University conducts admissions and the legal subtleties regarding the possible end to the consideration of legacy status.



https://open.spotify.com/episode/02ZWcF1RlqBj7CXLfA49xt