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“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” is a movie with a hollow shell

Sloppy acting, sloppy editing make for a sloppy remake

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Fans of the beloved “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” franchise were sure to have high hopes for this year’s latest remake. But several clichèd plot devices from the superhero film genre, misdirected comedy and subpar acting drag the latest adaptation of the rambunctious quartet back into the sewers.

Let’s start with the humor: it’s abundant, but far from funny. Michelangelo’s teenage witticisms (voiced by Noel Fisher) are giggle-bursting, but jokes about April O’Neil’s (played by Megan Fox) attractiveness fall flat.

Visually, like most film adaptations of the series, TMNT combines computer animation with live-action sequences. But the film’s editing is nauseating in its exaggeration and poor execution. The most epic scenes are unrealistic and were more hilarious than the actual jokes. Can Megan Fox’s hair really look that perfect while tumbling hundreds of feet to her death? These minute details defiled the essence of the quick-paced action and detracted from the film.

Finally, let’s talk acting: Megan Fox’s performance didn’t embody the bold confidence and gallantry which April O’Neill’s character has demanded through the years. Brief appearances by Whoopi Goldberg and Will Arnett showcased better theatrics than the rest of the cast — but their appearances were too brief to salvage the production. As for the Turtles themselves, the sense of brotherhood and camaraderie was harshly feigned, which goes against the series’ message. Individually, each Turtle has their personality on full display and reacts well in times of crisis. Unfortunately, the real crisis lies in the Turtles as a unit, which in director Michael Bay’s case, has become a quadrant of strangers.

Despite the frequent migraines, the movie was tolerable, but would be better enjoyed outside the movie theater. Though the movie does tackle important issues — such as the true nature of heroism and courage — these themes are explored alongside terrible acting and vomitous cinematography. Let this be a lesson: don’t turn a beloved storyline into a quick grab for cash. The result will be more mutant than marvelous movie making.

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