Last week, as I was walking past the dumpling cart, I overheard a man ask a brilliant question: "Why isn’t there a burrito cart?"
Imagine, the joy of lining up in front of the almighty burrito truck, reveling in the glory that is a shiny, metal box. In this small contraption lie all the wonders of the earth. Tortillas. My god, tortillas. Nothing on this earth is more versatile and delicious than tortillas. Except cheese. More on that later.
My roommates and I were having a lengthy discussion on grilled cheese once, claiming it as the king of all sandwiches. When I said I prefer grilled cheese made with something other than bread, they were a bit confused and asked for further clarification.
“Like what?” they inquired.
“Well, I don’t know, like tortillas,” I responded.
“So, a quesadilla?”
“Yeah…”
Did the man who invented cheese quesadillas get a Nobel Peace Prize yet? Is it too late to nominate people for that? Do I even have nominating capabilities?
Which brings me to the next ingredient of a burrito and quesadilla: cheese. Queso. The almighty animal product. Not enough can be said about cheese in the short space I have. When a ninth grade Italian assignment required me to write an ode, naturally, I wrote “Ode al formaggio.” To say it was a masterpiece would be an understatement. If I were to nominate myself for the Nobel Prize, it would be for my ode to cheese.
The vegetables in a burrito are also of great importance, but they cannot even compare to the other ingredients. A chunky tomato salsa brings life to a burrito, and gives you some leverage to convince your mom that it is acceptable to eat a burrito for every meal.
Lettuce is also important, but it is definitely harder to use this as a talking point in a burrito argument with your mom, as iceberg lettuce is the only kind of lettuce that can be used if you respect your burrito at all and it is notably lacking in any nutritional value. Beans are another notable component — though while absolutely delicious, they are also absolutely detrimental. You know what I mean.
Rice is also necessary, but there is little else to say about rice so let's move on to more important things — namely, sour cream and guacamole.
Every burrito needs refreshing creaminess, whether it is in the form of mashed avocados or sour cream (my condiment of choice). Though sour cream is the less Instagram-able choice, I will gladly sacrifice my social media presence for this dairy delicacy.
As a vegetarian, I have saved the meat component for last. I imagine chicken would be good because it wouldn’t overpower all of the other delicacies nuzzled up in this beautiful tortilla blanket. For vegetarians like me, grilled peppers are a strong choice, but I prefer that shredded tofu option at Chipotle. I also quite enjoy not having any meat component at all, because who can complain about tortillas, cheese, rice, beans, lettuce, salsa and sour cream all in the same place at the same time. No one. Not a single person.
So, I beg of all of you that keep posting in the U.Va. Facebook groups about this mysterious project that requires you to make a food cart — please, for the love of Avery, make a burrito cart. I fill out all of your polls and questionnaires, but I have yet to see my dreams become a reality.
Avery’s column runs biweekly Wednesdays. She can be reached at a.moyler@cavalierdaily.com.
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