According to Women’s Health Magazine, 51 percent of people think couples should hold off on sex until marriage, and 47 percent of Millennials agree. If this is true, then why is waiting for marriage so uncommon within University culture?
This question came to mind the other night when one of my friends claimed waiting for marriage is a definite deal breaker and others nodded in agreement. One person argued you have to “test it out” before committing. Another claimed a guy would have to be extremely uninterested if he didn’t want to have sex. Someone else said, “It’s just impractical these days. Not passing second base until marriage would be so hard.”
Hard? Yes, of course. But a deal breaker? Not at all.
Let’s take “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” as an example. At the age of 40 Andy, played by Steve Carell, is peer pressured to give up his virginity as soon as possible. According to his friends, he needs to get it over with in order to gain experience and grow up. In the movie, he attempts a one-night stand but fails miserably. Even after meeting a woman he likes, they agree to wait 20 dates before doing the deed, but after changing their minds, they end up waiting until they are married.
Despite pop culture’s undeniable emphasis on sex, the movie’s characters are genuinely happy with their choice to abstain. Of course, the movie portrays Steve Carell as a pretty big nerd, but I don’t think waiting should be seen as a lame or nerdy decision.
If someone doesn’t want to have sex until marriage, it doesn’t mean they are lame. It also doesn’t mean they are ridiculously conservative, embarrassed by their inexperience or extremely uninterested. Perhaps they are simply guarding their hearts for the one person they plan to spend the rest of their lives with. And in my opinion, this is far from a deal breaker. If anything, it indicates the admirable promise of a respectful and honest relationship.
The healthiest relationships I have witnessed are those in which the physical aspect has taken a backseat for the time being. To many of us, this might not sound fun or even remotely appealing. But what if holding off on sex could lead to a love and mutual support that goes so much deeper than skin? Would we be more inclined to give it a chance?
Don’t get me wrong, virginity does not equate to cleanliness nor is sexual purity synonymous with righteousness. Your body is your body and, ultimately, the choice is up to you.
The subject is not black and white, and I cannot say what is right or wrong. And I certainly don’t think there is an all-encompassing formula for healthy sexual choices and wholesome relationships. I can confidently say, however, that a guy or girl who wants to hold off on physical action should receive encouragement, not be considered a turn-off. This decision is not only an attestation of how deeply they want to know and care for you, but also an indication that they are seeking a love beyond the gratifications of here and now — a love consummated not in bed, but in the heart.
Peyton’s column runs biweekly Wednesdays. She can be reached at p.williams@cavalierdaily.com.
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