“It’s been a challenging semester.” That was my answer whenever anyone asked me how school was going during fall semester. I didn’t want to talk about them — the tragedies that plagued our Grounds and the scandals that rocked our community. I didn’t want to discuss things I didn’t like about the University, but I felt just as uncomfortable attempting to emphasize the semester’s high points in the face of so much pain. It was simply easier to not go into it.
Because, for the most part, I couldn’t. At first, it was because I felt I lacked a partner for the conversation. My family was worried about my safety and happiness, and repeatedly informed me they would support my decision to transfer if I decided to. My friends from high school all seemed to be having too much fun at their respective schools to understand my discomfort.
Moreover, the conversation itself was a difficult one. Talking about school felt like I was being pulled in two different directions — I felt a desire to fall in love with the University, but it didn’t agree with the isolation and frustration I felt as a first year trying to navigate such tumultuous waters. I was left with both a disillusionment about the mysterious loyalty my classmates felt towards the school, and an incredible longing to feel that devotion myself. It wasn’t something easily put into words over the dinner table.
And so, I discovered the power of simple, unprovoking responses like “It’s been a challenging semester.” Always neutral, always controlled and never giving away any real information about where I stood or how I felt. Rather than wrestle with my feelings each time a family member asked me how I was liking school, I boiled down all my confusion and turmoil into one, ineffectual statement.
“It’s been a challenging semester, but I’m excited to see what the next one has in store.”
As it turns out, it was a lot. This semester, I’m more talkative.
For one, my everyday life is filled with so many more people with whom I can share my experiences. The friendships I had forged and the roots I had put down during my first few months — however shaky they had felt at the time — had grown stronger over winter break and provided me with a foundation that felt sturdy enough to confide in.
As a result, I’m now experiencing so much worth talking about. I’m no longer hesitant to show up to the meetings I’ve been getting listserv emails for since September, or those concerts downtown. I find myself on the phone with friends from home and being unable to shut myself up about the amazing opportunities I’m discovering, gushing about the incredible local talent I’ve had the chance to support around town or simply adding lovingly captioned photos of the downtown mall or the Rotunda lit up at dusk to all my various social media platforms. The community had always been there to welcome me, I had just needed the confidence and a little push to go out and explore it.
It’s always easier to talk about things that make us happy, and I am incredibly grateful for the people and experiences that got me talking this semester and made these past few months feel so much more rewarding than my first. But the most important thing I learned this year is that the conversation should have started much earlier. My friends and family at the University and beyond will always be there to listen to the happy stories, but writing off the bad ones with a shallow sound bite doesn’t do any good.
The positivity I’ve felt towards the University recently has given me the perspective I needed to look back on the moments where I felt uncomfortable, or questioned that special, steadfast love for our home. Any good relationship requires an understanding of the weaknesses and flaws that might exist, as well as an ability to work towards fixing those flaws. And none of that can be accomplished without communication.
While the difficulties that our community faced in the fall semester have made me so much more appreciative of what the University has to offer, I realize that had I opened up then as I have now, perhaps the University would not have seemed so daunting. Armed with a growing love for this school and some conviction to speak up in trying times as well as happy ones, I can honestly say, “I’m excited to see what next term has in store.”
Kristin’s column runs biweeky Tuesdays. She can be reached at k.murtha@cavalierdaily.com.
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