In case you missed it, the Department of Treasury is in the process of choosing a woman to be the new face of the $10 bill. Apparently, to the Secretary of Treasury and his minions, it makes sense to get rid of Hamilton and keep Andrew Jackson. They probably finally realized no one uses dollar coins, so Sacagawea is unfortunately only relevant in third grade history lessons.
In the second Republican primary debate last Wednesday night, one question CNN host Jake Tapper asked all 11 candidates was, “What woman would you like to see on the $10 bill?" This led to the worst series of rapid-fire answers I have ever witnessed in my entire life. Mike Huckabee said his wife, making me assume he must have forgotten their anniversary, and this is his way of making it up to her. Ben Carson said his mom, which makes me think he either still lives in her basement or got her a terrible Mother’s Day present.
Unfortunately, Jeb Bush probably takes the cake. His answer was former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. Don’t get me wrong — Margaret Thatcher was an unprecedented political pioneer, but she’s not even American. There are any number of better suggestions than Margaret Thatcher. I came up with five terrible suggestions that are probably not as bad as the ones mentioned during the debate.
1. Jennifer Aniston
I know I’m not the only one STILL upset about her split with Brad Pitt, which happened almost decade ago. She is stunning, “The Break-Up” is one of the best rom-coms of all time and “Friends” is timeless. Rachel deserves more than Joey and Ross, and the $10 bill would probably be framed in homes all over the nation.
2. Beyonce
Need I say more?
3. Caroline from Outkast’s “Roses”
It might sound ridiculous, but honestly, think about it. “Roses” is probably one of the most popular songs of the current millennium. Carolines everywhere have suffered ridicule every single time that song plays at a party. I can’t imagine being THE Caroline to inspire the lyrics: “Caroline, she’s the reason for the word [insert word that rhymes with ditch].” I think she has suffered long enough, and this is the least we could do to repay her. (Repay!! Get it?!)
4. The woman holding the torch in the beginning of Columbia Pictures movies
How long has she been standing there? Longer than the Statue of Liberty? Probably not, but still, give that woman a foot massage and mass circulation on modern-day greenbacks already!
5. Salsa-girl emoji
Unlike every GOP candidate, she has character, ethnic flare and the approval of the 18-21 voter demographic. She holds her head high at all times, doesn’t need to be accompanied by a male partner and is everything I strive to be.
There you have it, folks. I will look into how to submit these ideas to the Department of Treasury because, as far as I’m concerned, all of these ideas are better ideas than Mrs. Huckabee.
Leah’s column runs biweekly Thursdays. She can be reached at l.retta@cavalierdaily.com.
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