When I walked onto Grounds fall of my first year, I had a plan. I knew exactly what clubs I wanted to join. The prospect of working with intelligent, driven individuals who actually shared my interests was exhilarating. There’s nothing quite like the threshold between what could be and what is — it felt like the world of U.Va. was wide open and at my fingertips.
Yet, as my course load began piling up, so did the number of rejections I received from organizations I was excited to join. I felt devastated and lost, and I struggled to create an identity at U.Va. when my original plans for self expression fell through.
I’ll be honest, I was not used to rejection. Most people at this school aren’t. Despite warnings from parents and teachers, I never really thought I would be turned away from groups I was aching to be a part of. I truly believed the U.Va. universe would conspire in my favor because I was putting positive energy into the process. I work hard. I’m genuinely passionate. What else is there?
After some reflection, I’ve realized two key things. (1) My self worth has to be stronger than the individual rejections I receive, and (2) other people’s success is not my failure.
It is terrifying how easy it is to devalue myself when faced with any sort of rejection. It takes years to build up the confidence to say, “Here I am. This is what I do well. I am passionate about this,” but it only takes one cast list with my name missing to make me question if I have any talent at all. This self-doubt is natural, but it is false and counterproductive.
Being excluded from a particular group doesn’t indicate I have nothing important to offer — it means at this moment in time, the skill set I bring to the table did not happen to fit what was immediately needed. Rejection does not nullify talent, so I should never let it douse my passion or self worth.
Similarly, it is all too tempting to compare myself to people who work the positions I was denied. When considering why my colleague was chosen before me, it’s easy to feel he or she is, simply, better than me. We’ve all interacted with people who actually believe their success is due to some innate superiority they possess. Though, It’s so important to remind myself in these situations these people were chosen because their individual talents happened to fit a group’s specific need. Just because my skills don’t always fit the mold does not mean that they are any less valuable. There is someone somewhere who is looking for exactly what I have to offer, and being accepted by that person or group will be more rewarding than joining one I’m not right for.
So as we begin another school year, I encourage everyone to remember rejection is a part of life, but it should not be something that makes you question your passion or your self worth. Let the space between where you are and where you want to be inspire you, not intimidate you. The world is still at your fingertips.
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