Every time I nonchalantly refer to U.Va. as “home,” my mom immediately whips her head around and exclaims, “That’s not home! THIS is home.” But even she catches herself referring to Charlottesville as my home occasionally, despite her efforts to convince us both otherwise. While we’re both thankful I get to study and live in a place I really enjoy, there’s definitely tension between my home in Northern Virginia and my home at U.Va. Heading back for the holidays makes that tension all the more noticeable.
There are certain moments during the year where I find myself daydreaming about my own house, lying in my bed with a cup of tea, watching a familiar movie. With approaching breaks and holidays looming around the corner, I spent most of the time I should’ve been studying thinking about when I could plop down in my spot on the couch at home. No responsibilities? No deadlines? No late nights in Club Clem? Yes please. Finally getting in the car to head home was a euphoric experience this semester. Even though I wasn’t thrilled to be leaving Charlottesville, I was ecstatic to get away from the workload I had carried for the last three months. The thought of being back in my childhood home for the holidays wasn’t half bad, either.
No matter how many times I go back, though, I always forget that being at home feels increasingly foreign now. Returning home from college is a bit like squeezing into an old, favorite shirt that you’ve slightly outgrown; you love it and you’re happy to be in it, but after a while, you realize you can’t wear it forever. Although there are memories and comforts stitched into the seams, there are other exciting and new things to wear, interesting places to experience and more people to meet. The responsibilities causing me stress at school also bring me great satisfaction, and after a few days relaxing at home, I even begin to miss the challenges I wanted to drive away from at the end of the semester.
I’m sure this tension is a universal one for the young adults of the world, and I suspect as I get older my sense of home will continue to change. It seems especially difficult at this point in my life because it’s still so new; the memories of what my life used to be like before I went to college are close to the forefront of my mind. This duality, this strange yearning for the simplicity and familiarity of home life and the vivacity of independence, will never really go away.
While this tension between home and adulthood can often feel isolating for an exhausted college student who just wants to figure things out, it’s a really exciting and hopeful time as well. With every experience I have at U.Va., with each new lesson I uncover and with every new step I take on my own, I’m constantly broadening my relationship with the larger community I’m involved in. I would never understand the richness and beauty of other ideas and environments if I didn’t take steps outside the home I grew up in. Even though leaving home is a departure from familiarity, I’m also gaining necessary and fulfilling connections to people and places that offer me new perspectives.
When I told my mom I was writing an article about the difficulty of defining what “home” is, she looked a little confused at first, as I expected she would. But after thinking for a moment, she pursed her lips and nodded her head and, with a smile, said, “I guess it’s ok to have more than one home.”
Mimi’s column runs biweekly. She can be reached at m.robinson@cavalierdaily.com.
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