Before I left for college, I received my fill of well-meaning adages. People told me to work hard, play hard, stay up on schoolwork and prepare for the underwhelming dining hall food. However, my dad gave me the most memorable advice. “Jack,” he said one night at dinner, “college is a time to try new things and meet new people. Don’t forget that.”
I never did, and I came to U.Va. deliberately seeking different perspectives. Lectures, homework and papers are all good and well, but I knew the wealth of my education would come from my peers. As a middle-class white kid from Mississippi, there were so many different views to expose myself to — and what better place for it than U.Va.? Here, a multitude of incredible people converge to form a rich tapestry of cultures and experiences.
But as the first weeks of school crept by, I realized I wasn’t doing enough to expose myself to new people. U.Va. possesses a rich diversity, but you don’t experience it passively — you have to actively seek it out.
I wanted a fun and exciting way to meet new people, make new friends and experience new paradigms. So I decided that every day I ate in a dining hall, I’d sit with a complete stranger.
The next time I was in Newcomb, I searched for someone eating alone. After a few minutes of combing through the chaos, I saw a guy chowing on some chicken wings by himself. As I walked towards him, apprehension bubbled in my chest. What if I get rejected? What if this was a really stupid idea? I managed to suppress my fears. The guy seemed cool, I told myself. Surely he’d love for me to sit down and have a good chat.
I strode up confidently to his table. “Hey man, can I sit with you?” Instead of a response, I was met with only methodical chewing. His face was blank, perhaps with a trace of amusement. Finally, after what seemed like ages, he replied. “I’m indifferent,” he said curtly.
This — as I’m sure you’re aware — was the polite way to say, “Listen, kid, get out of my face.”
“Sorry,” I sputtered. “It’s fine.”
I turned to walk away, shoulders drooping. My fears had been realized — I’d been rejected. I began to wonder if my whole plan was quixotic and naïve and if this whole idea was just super annoying. But as my confidence’s shellacking began to subside, I felt the spread of an odd relief. I had just encountered the worst-case scenario — someone hadn’t wanted to eat with me — and it really hadn’t been that bad. Now that I’d gotten it over with, the possibility of future rejection didn’t seem so daunting.
A few days later I tried again, this time at O’Hill. After nervously flitting across scanning the dining area, I noticed a girl with braided hair picking at some eggs. When I asked to sit down, I received a surprised smile and an uncertain “sure.” Suspicion flitted across her faces as she wondered what this gangly first-year could be up to. But after some pleasantries, the awkwardness subsided and the conversation flowed. We dove into topics like school, clubs, life — and like magic, two people who had moments before been complete strangers became friends.
After this, I sat with a constant rotation of interesting people. I bonded with Isaiah over life as an out-of-stater, listened to Briana recount life in the International Residence College and jammed with Jon to Newcomb’s consistently impeccable playlist. In all of these encounters, total strangers became wellspring sources of laughter, conversation and friendship just by the scary yet simple act of saying hello.
It’s a frightening leap of faith, this whole meeting a stranger business. But my experience has taught me that unlikely connections can blossom if we’re just willing to take a risk. It’s taught me that the barriers we erect around ourselves can evaporate with the smallest of gestures — and that students at U.Va. are overwhelmingly warm-hearted and welcoming. In total, my little experiment has redoubled my appreciation for the open nature of our school. It’s as Yeats once said, “there are no strangers here, only friends you haven't yet met.”
P.S. If I sit by your table and you don’t walk to talk to me, “get out of my face” is always a valid option. “I’m indifferent” just stings too much.
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