Having just turned 40, my aunt is now at a mid-point in her life. By this age, it is not uncommon for people to have started a family, yet my aunt remains unmarried and living in her trendy apartment in the West Loop of Chicago. As she has explained to my family, she never found the right person and would rather remain single rather than resign herself to an unhappy marriage.
She remains the most youthful, inspiring and loving person I have ever met and certainly proves that age is just a number. She focuses her energy on trying new things and gaining new experiences through traveling, taking classes or simply participating in community events. However, her quirky personality, odd sense of humor and her life experiences have lead the rest of the family to consider her the “black sheep.”
While she is making the most of being alone, her identity within our family as an unmarried, childless woman still lingers. Even in the 21st century, old-fashioned expectations and traditions still hold root in my Indian culture — many of which apply to women specifically.
Although there is nothing morally wrong about such expectations and traditions, they still tend to put women under more scrutiny if they are not followed. In a culture where family and family values are very important, women are more often than not considered first as a source of children and grandchildren to ensure the continuation of family lineage. For years, women have been expected to live a fulfilling, married life with children. This view of a woman’s duty as a caregiver can clash with career goals, or a desire to be more independent. Needless to say, my aunt is clearly defying cultural norms left and right.
However, her identity as the “black sheep” of the family doesn’t end there. Regardless of her marital status, she has always been unique — from her ways of thinking, to places she has traveled or experiences she has gained. She seems to be able to mold herself into any situation or environment and never has any trouble fitting in. She has never withheld her honest opinion, whether or not it is painful to hear.
Despite the ups and downs in her life, my aunt remains to be one of the most charismatic people I know. For that very reason, I consider her my role model. I constantly compare myself to her, or ask myself how she would act in a situation. How is it that she manages to stand out in a crowd of people, while I on the other hand, feel lost in the sea of students at U.Va.?
Defying the norm is more stressful than abiding by it. My aunt has always stuck to what she knew was suited to her. She remained true to herself, which is why it may seem as if her personality hasn’t changed from childhood to now. She has always known who she was and felt comfortable in her own skin, using her self-awareness to her advantage. That knowledge solidifies her character and contributes to the strength and independence she has shown over the years.
As a college student, I long for the ability to be that comfortable in my own skin. I know I care too much about what other people think and have been known to let others influence my actions and involvements, even though my interests may lie elsewhere. However, a year into college, I’ve begun to accept myself for who I am, and I am learning to trust my instincts over the advice of others when making decisions.
It is okay if I don’t want to go out every weekend, or if I don’t jump at every opportunity to be a leader, or put myself out there. I am beginning to accept that I am perfectly content with smaller roles, and dedicating myself more fully to a smaller group of friends. I am learning to accept that I may not be as much of an all-rounder as I was in high school, and that it is okay to let go of things I am not particularly good at. In that way, I am beginning to obtain a greater sense of who I am and accept my self-concept, just as my aunt did with her own. My next goal is to be able to carry that identity with the same confidence my aunt possesses.
Read More
Days on the Lawn gives newly admitted Class of 2028 a taste of Grounds
By Miriella Jiffar and Mia Tan | 2 days agoThe annual spring program invites newly admitted students and their families to experience information sessions, resource fairs and tours around Grounds.
The weight of saying “I love you”
By Mai Hukuoka | 3 days agoWhile grand gestures can't fully describe the weight of love, that doesn't mean love has to be small. Love can, and should, feel heavy.
Cooking, my mother’s love language
By Emilie Kim | 6 days agoDespite our different temperaments, my mother and I understand each other perfectly through the language of food.
