The other day I was walking to class when I passed by an old friend from my first-year dorm. I went to wave and say hello, but his eyes quickly darted down before I was able to initiate anything. Granted, we hardly ever talk, but I started to wonder why he would feel uncomfortable even saying hello, especially because we would always acknowledge each other last year.
This type of act-like-I-didn’t-see-you encounter has actually been happening quite frequently this past semester. Although I understand that many people don’t feel compelled or comfortable saying “hey” to someone they haven’t spoken to since last year, it makes me miss the first-year norm of always being friendly.
This dynamic was one of the best parts about first year. Before we joined clubs and organizations and settled into our friend groups, we were all clueless, excited and — more than anything — nervous. For some of us, this time was when we really had to push our boundaries, step out of our comfort zones and talk to people we knew nothing about. It wasn’t always comfortable, but being thrown into a new environment forced everyone to be more open-minded and outgoing. In my first month at U.Va., I probably met more people than I had known in a single year of high school.
A lot of people complain that U.Va. students are not always accepting of each other, and that there are major divisions among the student body. Many believe that, even though there is diversity here, students tend to “self-segregate” and keep to their own groups and social circles. To an extent, I agree with some of these arguments — people tend to stay within their comfort zones and surround themselves with people they have known for a while. On the other hand, there are such obvious ways to get rid of this stigma surrounding our University, and I think the first-year experience proves how capable we all are of being friendly, open-minded and accepting people.
We start getting involved in things as soon as we arrive on Grounds and subsequently start placing ourselves into friend groups. As a result, the pressure to meet people and make new friends starts to fade and we become complacent within our niches. At the time, it feels nice to not have to be constantly smiling and shaking hands and making conversation, but I think this contentment hinders us more than it helps. In a school with 16,000 undergraduate students, I bet we’re all still missing out on some incredible friendships.
One of my roommates this year is a friend I’ve had since fourth grade. We went through elementary school, middle school and high school together, and having her here at U.Va. with me has been one of the best things about choosing this school. Rhea has been through it all with me, knows me better than most of my closest friends and is also one of the funniest people I’ve ever met. We were talking in her room the other night when she nonchalantly said, “You know, Athena, if we didn’t know each other before college, I doubt we would be friends. We just have such different personalities and run in different groups.”
I had to agree with her — I’m an extrovert, and she’s more introverted. I’m in the College, and she’s in the E-School. We also have very different friend groups. All this being said, Rhea is one of my best and most loyal friends and I genuinely cannot imagine being in college without her. Perhaps if we all went back to first year and stepped out of our comfort zones a little, we could make incredible connections and relationships with people we would have never otherwise met.
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