I need exactly 32 minutes from waking up in my bed to walking out the door in the morning. In 32 minutes, I will get up (two minutes), shower (11 minutes), get dressed (10 minutes), drink a cup of coffee while finishing my reading due at 10 a.m. and put my mug in the dishwasher (nine minutes). I know these time constraints extensively; I know exactly what I need to put into my morning to yield the return I desire. I know because I’ve calculated it, and you probably have too.
If you haven’t calculated your morning routine, then you’ve computed the minutes it takes to walk from your first to second class through the crowd by the amphitheater, or the number of Roots bowls you can feasibly support consuming in one week or even how long you can continue to scroll through Instagram when your phone is quickly approaching three percent charge. We make calculations every single day.
Calculations have been ingrained into both our intentional and habitual lives, from the educational to the personal spheres we operate in and between. We calculate our grades, the number of pages we can read of our assigned PDF in an hour — some of us are majoring, simplistic as this reduction might be, in calculations. We count, contrive, compute. And why wouldn’t we? We’ve been told this is how to get the right answers.
This is how to figure out the way in which to get the most out of what we put in — how to be productive. Perhaps you hate math, are laid back and always running late …. Unfortunately, I don’t believe you are immune. I would argue that we have all computed the areas of our lives unto their limits.
The issue is that we have become very, very good at trying to do something that is largely impossible. Not only can our lives not be calculated, but our careful calculations are robbing us. I think if there’s one thing we can agree on coming out of 2016, it is that we cannot predict what will lie ahead. Change happens rapidly, leaves us shocked, and our best calculations are thrown out the window. If we are resting on our careful calculations for 2017, I am afraid we face a year of agitation and turmoil, because our best efforts will surely fall short of all that life will contain.
However, the good news is that just as surely as our calculations will fall short of the obstacles we will face, they will also fall short of the unknowable joy and good ahead. There is hope in our numbers failing us — it is the hope of receiving more than they would ever logically allow. It is the hope of life somehow producing what it shouldn’t: circumstances it shouldn’t, opportunities it shouldn’t and change it shouldn’t. Yet there is hope that it will.
Calculations are not intrinsically wrong. We need them for many things in life; they serve a useful, essential, great purpose. I think we go wrong when we depend upon them for our stability even though they cannot provide what we seek. We go wrong when we misuse calculations to control what we cannot. We go wrong when we become calculated, rather than intentional, in our relationships.
I recently had a friend of mine point out that it has become part of our common vernacular to say about someone we wish to mentor, support or get to know, that we are “investing in them.” When we want to become closer to a friend, we say we want to “invest more time” or “invest more energy” in that relationship.
The issue with this speech is that the language leads us to think about our relationships economically — as something we put our resources into in order to receive a desired payoff. A lot of times this isn’t what we mean; sometimes it is. I’ve been considering if this is really a relationship, or merely a business deal I have made to earn a benefit I desire.
I think what I’ve found is that love is not calculated. If our parents had truly known how much we would cost — past, present and future — we would be the worst investment anyone could ever make. When our parents sought to have us, to love us and raise us, they planned expectantly, rather than deliberately. I’m afraid that if we calculated our relationships, we would find that they were extremely costly — too costly. I’m afraid our calculations would fail in finding their actual worth. But these are relationships I want.
We cannot throw all plans to the wind. However, we also cannot continue to tirelessly calculate that which can’t be measured. Because whether the payout is more or less, it is certainly not what we think, and if it’s more, we will never know how much more our calculations are robbing from us.
Read More
Cooking, my mother’s love language
By Emilie Kim | 5 hours agoDespite our different temperaments, my mother and I understand each other perfectly through the language of food.
A bite of home at Barbie’s Burrito Barn
By Sophie Guettel | YesterdayBarbie’s Burrito Barn is more than just a restaurant — it is a testament to the dreams and hard work of its owner.
The fluffiest Swedish coffee bread
By Finn Trainer | 2 days agoWith its semi-sweet flavor and cloud-like texture, this Swedish coffee bread is a calming, delicious treat to enjoy this finals season.
