The Cavalier Daily
Serving the University Community Since 1890

More give less take

Practicing selflessness in relationships

There are two things about me I prefer not to share when meeting new people. First, I am hypercompetitive — not only will I be dramatically depressed if I don’t get a good grade in a class, but I also feel the need to be the best at everything in any given situation — trust me, this never ends up being the case. While I’m pretty good at keeping this on the down-low, anyone close to me can tell you I have trouble with “losing.” I take it all seriously — whether it’s a game of Catan, a race to the top of the stairs or a competition of who can spend less at the mall while still getting a good bunch of clothes. Another thing I am not proud of is how, possibly as a result of my competitive nature, I can be entirely selfish.

As someone who is interested in sociology and psychology, I try to analyze why I am this way. I can probably chalk it up to a couple things: being the youngest and only girl child for 10 years of my life — and again — my competitiveness. My high school years can be characterized by always striving to be better than the next person, whether it was in academics, extracurricular activities or even my social life. Though I am a naturally social person who loves meeting new people and making friends, I found there was something left to be desired in the way I valued and treated my relationships with others.

Luckily, incredible people have come my way and I have formed quality relationships with many of them. Still, sometimes I feel as if I’m taking more than giving. I think we can all agree it’s easier for us to talk about our own problems rather than help our friends with theirs. Additionally, sometimes I find it hard to make time to spend with friends and family when I’m more concerned about what’s going on in my world at the moment: schoolwork, extracurricular activities, etc.

Recently while reflecting on this issue, I thought back to all those times in the past when I took those people who cared for me for granted. For example, in high school when I wouldn’t get ready in time to eat the breakfast my mother prepared for me at the ungodly hour of 6 a.m. Or the time my best friend Abby wrote me pages worth of a birthday card when I turned one years old, even though I did a subpar job of keeping in touch with her after we left for college. Or when I made my brother leave his party to talk to me on the phone about something that — looking back on it now — I overdramatized.

I think selflessness is something we all struggle with, maybe more than we are willing to admit. In a competitive academic and social environment like U.Va., it’s hard not to have your future at the top of your priority list. While most of us agree that planning for the future is important, it’s imperative to keep in mind that this priority shouldn’t take away from keeping and making relationships with others. Making sure those close to you feel valued and respected is crucial in maintaining a mutually beneficial relationship. We are truly lucky to be around such passionate, intelligent and motivated individuals here, and we should take advantage of that opportunity. Genuinely making friends with the guy in your econ discussion could not only make you both happier people, but it could also make you a better person too. At the same time, checking up on your parents every now and then can be hard to remember, but family is also debatably the most important relationship most of us will ever have.

Here, we are surrounded by so many people with different ideas, thoughts and opinions — taking time to sit and listen to them over a quick coffee at Grit or Starbucks could turn out to be much more beneficial and valuable than smothering them with your own concerns or going away to Clem one to study some more. Being more selfish than selfless can get you A’s and get you into your dream school, but it fails to do something even more important: form meaningful and lasting relationships with those who can actually make you a better person.

Comments

Latest Podcast

The University’s Associate Vice Provost for Enrollment and Undergraduate Admission, Greg Roberts, provides listeners with an insight into how the University conducts admissions and the legal subtleties regarding the possible end to the consideration of legacy status.



https://open.spotify.com/episode/02ZWcF1RlqBj7CXLfA49xt