I spent three years at gunpoint. The bullet was severe anxiety, the gunman was perfectionism and the trigger was coming to college. In the fall of my second year, I finally realized just how dire my situation was, and sought help. I visited Counseling and Psychological Services every week for two months, and pieced together the story of my struggles. My psychiatrist at CAPS diagnosed me with severe anxiety. The sessions were more like detective work than therapy. We assembled the list of likely culprits: family issues, negative interactions, personality, isolation, etc. The front runner was overwhelmingly academic, social and emotional pressure. If the last bit sounds familiar to you, you’re probably a student at the University.
I have spent eight months trying to repair the damage left in the wake of my anxiety. I have learned that resources for mental health, although present at the University, are painfully slow and difficult to navigate. It took me three weeks to get an appointment at CAPS. I was allowed to see CAPS for eight weeks, but then had to go to a private practice due to incoming appointment demand. Luckily, my parents are supportive and have a good insurance plan. I brought my car to school so I could make it to my off-grounds appointments. After two months of therapy I went to another private practice psychiatrist to be prescribed medication. For the past two months I have been adjusting to the medication. The adjustment period includes — but is not limited to — sleeping 13 to 14 hours a day while still having a normal academic workload.
However, academic accommodations are available to students affected by mental illness. The University’s Student Disability Access Center handles mental illness in the same way as physical and cognitive disabilities for students seeking accommodations. All accommodations require the written diagnosis and recommended treatment by a licensed physician or psychiatrist and a meeting with the SDAC. After eight months of therapy and a three-week wait for an appointment, I received academic accommodations. The process of getting appropriate help at the University is, to say the least, complicated, expensive and time-consuming.
As I navigated a world of insurance forms, scheduling appointments and picking up prescriptions, I began to reflect on how I had gotten to this point. When I came to the University, I discovered that plentiful opportunity went hand in hand with toxic competition. I have found that students here hide their struggles far too often. It feels taboo to be anything but both academically successful and hyper-involved. At the University, awards, A’s and internships are broadcasted, but tutoring sessions, average scores and bad days are swept under the rug.
I do not propose we discontinue the intensity and passion which makes the University so excellent, but to take a moment to realize it is okay to only be in two clubs, it is okay to get a sub-par exam grade and it is okay to not be okay. It took me years to realize that my own well-being is more important than my GPA and my laundry list of clubs. I believe the University could benefit from a recalculation of priorities. This means more funding for on-Grounds mental health resources and lower the cost of failure.
Claire Burke is a second-year College student.
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