I posted on Facebook that I was accepting queries for an advice column. After a couple dozen awkward, non-contributing likes, I got these messages:
Vilas asks: “Hey John! I do too many things and don’t get enough sleep! Besides actually solving the root of the problem, what tangential things can I do?”
Vilas, when I’m tired, I just pretend to be really engaged until I actually believe I am. I nod my head vigorously and make intense eye contact with my professor while playing a pump-up song in my head. I play drums with my pencil. I write “GET HYPE!!!” at the top of my page and stare at it. Alternatively, you can also take naps on the couches downstairs in Newcomb. Nobody will judge — out loud.
Belle asks: "How do I find someone who is on par with my swing dancing skills? thx."
Belle, have you considered the fact that you’re the problem here? If you get worse at swing dancing, you’ll suddenly find a lot of people on your level — me included.
Cavalier Daily columnist Ellie Hanson wrote a hilarious column asking where to find a nice guy.
To anyone wondering, wholesome males can be found in parks or going for walks around the neighborhood. There are also dogs.
Jonathan asks: “Hey John, would love to know how late in the year it’s acceptable to ask someone their name! It’s like two months into school and I’ve referred to my lab partner as ‘dude,’ ‘man’ or ‘bud’ for the past five weeks now.”
We’ve all been there, man. Since your lab partner is forced to stay with you, I think asking point-blank, “What’s your name?” is still a valid option. If you want to be more tactful, your lab instructor actually has a roster with each student’s name and ID picture. You could ask him or her. You could also take a risk and ask your lab partner how he spells his name. That might be awkward if it turns out to be something like “Ben” though. Your call, bud.
Andrew writes, “Last night at Boylan I met this really cute girl —”
Adopt a cat instead.
Madison, who’s studying abroad in London, says: “[I need advice on] how to best present myself in class when the pupils to my left and the pupils to my right are dressed head to toe in Gucci/Prada/Versace? Are leggings and my U.Va. sweatshirt appropriate?”
Definitely appropriate. You need to expose these British pupils to American college culture — dressing in 30 seconds. As for how to best present yourself, just own what you have. Because what else can you do, you know? Act self-assured and prove to these extras that confidence isn’t a fabric.
Joshua asks, “What’s a good question to ask your table at a dinner party?”
Have you read John Patterson’s column about Midsummers?
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