Top 10 reasons not to be as politically inept as me

If you don’t take an interest in something just for the embarrassing videos, then why take an interest in anything at all?

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1. You’ll understand all the obscure political references your friends make

I can’t be the only person that doesn’t follow politics closely enough to know who’s running for president in France. Does France even have a president? Sadly, I don’t know, but evidently, I’m missing out on some entertaining election drama. I personally prefer to get my political drama from “The West Wing,” but there is something particularly juicy about the intrigue of French politics — if only I understood it.

2. Political videos are hilarious

Have you guys seen the fireworks ad Ed Gillespie ran? Apparently, the solution to all of Virginia’s economic problems is loosening regulations on fireworks. Whether this is true or not, I always enjoy seeing a possible future governor of mine lightly jogging away from a newly lit firecracker. Not to mention, any video of a politician roasting any other politician is pure gold. Luckily, I have my politically inclined friends to share this wealth of entertainment with me, but I would likely appreciate it even more if I knew the first thing about politics.

3. You can avoid vastly embarrassing situations

If you want to find examples of embarrassing situations to avoid, look no further than our own government. Everyone has those moments when they say something and immediately regret it, but politicians have them in a uniquely public and contentious setting, providing joy for all. Liberal, conservative or in between, I think we all enjoy seeing remixes of politicians’ verbal slip-ups.

4. When people ask you if you’re registered to vote, you won’t have to lie

I often find myself hustling down the sidewalk carrying a plethora of items — my books, cellphone (if I don’t lock it in my room along with my student ID), an entire grocery bag full of snacks. This does not happen to be conducive to people yelling at me to sign up for clubs or take flyers. No matter how emphatically I agree with your cause, I cannot risk dropping my Skittles for you. Therefore, I often find myself having to ashamedly avoid eye contact and speed walk away. As a result, I’m not exactly registered to vote. I know, it’s horrific that I’m not registered. I promise I’ll get right on it! Hopefully, you’re many steps ahead of me and already registered, in which case you can avoid these people guilt-free. Maybe you are even the person trying to get people to register. If so, I am thoroughly impressed. Please tackle me the next time you see me and make me register.

5. The “I Voted” sticker is a badge of pride

Voting is a big deal! You should wear your sticker with pride. Keep it forever, ‘Gram it, frame it if you want, maybe make an ironic collage. You could become Pinterest famous — my personal favorite brand of fame. Use it to shame everyone who didn’t vote into doing their civic duty the next time around.  

6. We’re adults now

I’m sure some of you have been adults for longer than I have, but for my newly-minted 18-year-olds, this is a monumental moment! There are plenty of things we can do once we’re 18. For example, I have plans to sue a certain food chain for closing Sundays — when I need it most. My case will be primarily based on emotional damage, and while I’m not expecting a successful outcome, I appreciate the right to share my distress. Voting, however, is the most quintessential passage to adulthood. 

7. You could have the opportunity to knock someone’s arrogance down a notch

How many times have I heard someone yammer on about politics and thought to myself — if only I knew enough to put them in their place with one succinct remark? Too many, I’m sure. On behalf of everyone, please be this person.

8. Your tweets would be fire

Props to my friend Brooke for this one, whose tweets are, in fact, fire. I only go on Twitter to enjoy the inspirational quotes Lin-Manuel Miranda lovingly posts, but if you choose to engage in political tweeting, it really is best to know what you’re talking about. There’s nothing quite as witty as a bitingly true yet hilarious political tweet. Master this fine art, for the sake of us all.  

9. You’ll actually understand late-night TV show references

Truthfully, there is something iconic about late-night TV. It’s hilarious regardless of your level of understanding, but I’d imagine it to be much more relevant if you had an interest in politics. I watch “Saturday Night Live” mostly for the Penelope skits, which are a delight all politics aside, but the political skits are supposedly hilarious.

10. You’ll feel confident in your vote

With elections constantly occurring, being informed is important. Whoever you choose — get your news, hit the website, brush up and kill the polls on election day. Your vote counts. You’re important. Yay politics!  

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