College Republicans looking at houses on 14th to make up for midterms loss

Humor Columnist Jakob Cansler describes the College Republicans’ next move after their midterm loss.

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They hope renting a house will make up for their loss of the U.S. House of Representatives, because somehow the two are equatable.

Christina Anton | Cavalier Daily

“Devastated. Absolutely and completely devastated.” These are the words The Cavalier Daily probably used to describe U.Va.’s College Republicans viewing party for the Nov. 6 midterm elections. On that night, the Republican Party lost control of the US House of Representatives for the first time since 2010. “Today is a dark day for us. I genuinely don’t know how we’re gonna move forward. We may not. This may be the end of College Republicans as we know it,” said a College Republicans member that night.

Now, on a windswept day nearly a month later, College Republicans has hit the ground running on their latest endeavour. After weeks of planning, the executive board is out house-hunting on 14th Street, in attempts to find a suitable house of the 2019-20 academic year. They hope renting a house will make up for their loss of the U.S. House of Representatives, because somehow the two are equatable. The Cavalier Daily caught up with them on their expedition.

“We’re not gonna lie, losing the House was hard,” a member told The Cavalier Daily last Tuesday. “But we’re taking every step to make up for the loss. So America doesn’t want us in the House? That’s fine. We’ll get our own house, with central heating and air conditioning and everything. And you know what? It’s gonna be in the $400-$500 range per person.” 

Two hours later, though, their excitement was seemingly short-lived. Nearly every house they toured was out of their price range, as is common among houses in the 14th Street area. Most of the houses in that area are often high-priced and difficult to attain, as they are passed down within social circles directly. Upon suggestion that College Republicans look at houses on Wertland or JPA, the team simply scoffed. “Would our lord and saviour Ronald Reagan have settled for an office near the oval one? I don’t think so,” one member commented.

Besides making up for their midterm loss of the House of Representatives, College Republicans have another reason for wanting to rent a house for the 2019-2020 academic year. They hope having their own physical house will increase their presence among the “youths” of U.Va. Since the University Democrats do not have a house, College Republicans would be the only major student political organization at U.Va. to rent their own house.

“We realize as an organization that we don’t appeal as much as we could to young people, and we see no other possible explanation for why that may be other than our parties not being lit enough,” said one member. “I mean, our membership matches almost perfectly the demographics of [a utopian America inhabited only by white men], and our policies are [completely and totally outdated]. The only thing we could do better is get more turnt, more often. That’s a big part of getting this new house.”

However, after touring their seventh house out of their price range, their spirits were dwindling. The hopes of a “14th Street Red Wave” — as some (specifically one very insistent member) began calling it — seemed to dwindle further and further from reach. “This is just like when Obamacare passed,” the same member commented. “There seems to be no more hope — no good in the world. How can every house here be so expensive?” When informed that Charlottesville is currently facing a housing crisis, the likes of which have driven up prices on all housing in the central Charlottesville area, Andrews simply responded: “Capitalism will fix that. Give it 50 to 100 years. Capitalism will fix that.”

After seven long hours, the executive board decided to call the hunt off for the day. They made plans to regroup the following weekend. Chances of finding a house on 14th Street remain dim, however, and College Republicans may have to settle for an Apartment of Representatives.

Jakob Cansler is a Humor Columnist for The Cavalier Daily. He can be reached at humor@cavalierdaily.com.

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