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Panelists discuss intimate partner violence, share personal stories

Area experts discuss research, Eramo says IPV more prevelant than many assume

The Women’s Center, Sigma Psi Zeta sorority and the Sexual Violence Prevention Coalition co-sponsored “A Survivor’s Guide to Relationship Violence: A Panel Discussion” Wednesday evening as a part of Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

The panel featured two survivors of intimate partner violence, as well as several advocates for survivors of intimate partner violence.

Fourth-year College student Sandra Menendez and Cathy Ames-Turner, an administrative assistant in the Office of Undergraduate Admissions, both shared their experiences with intimate partner violence.

Ames-Turner was a victim of intimate partner violence in two separate relationships. Ames-Turner attributed this to her desire to “fix” her former partners’ violent tendencies.

“In me is a love for helping people,” Ames-Turner said. “What I recognize in hindsight is that I was trying to rescue these men. But that wasn’t my job.”

Terri Babineau, Eastern Virginia Medical School assistant dean of student affairs, said recent research has established various medical conditions can act as indicators of intimate partner violence. Conditions such as hypertension, asthma and arthritis are significantly more common in IPV victims than in the general population due to excessive stress and the body’s natural immune response.

Physicians are now able to use these medical clues for uncovering domestic abuse and intimate partner violence.

Judge Maggie Deglau of the Henrico County Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court said it is important to distinguish those with anger management disorders from those who commit intimate partner violence.

“Intimate partner violence is an issue of control in that intimate relationship,” Deglau said. “Anger management is how you deal with every person in the world. To everyone else [those committing intimate partner violence] are completely polite, but when they got someone alone they are very, very different.”

Deglau said victims of intimate partner violence have a tendency to minimize or euphemize their partner’s actions. Deglau pointed to an example of a woman referring to extreme violence as “a push.”

“What was normal to her everyday life is something that we all would be appalled at,” Deglau said.

Associate Dean Nicole Eramo, chair of the University Sexual Misconduct Board, said intimate partner violence is more common on Grounds than people might think. Though physical violence does occur, Eramo said intimate partner violence often manifests in emotional violence and control by a partner.

“With college students, there’s a tendency to think that it’s not really happening, but there is a tremendous amount of emotional violence going on on Grounds,” Eramo said. “It’s very debilitating for the people who are going through it. They don’t really see it as violence, but it can take a tremendous emotional or academic toll.”

Fourth-year College student Susie Scott said she attended the event in solidarity with friends who have suffered domestic abuse and intimate partner violence.

“I wanted to find out more about it so that I could be a resource to people,” Scott said.

Scott said she learned that abuse is not limited to physical violence, but can include emotional and psychological violence as well.

“Knowing when to call something a dangerous situation even if it hasn’t turned physical is really important,” Scott said. “I think it’s important to know about the nuances of different types of violence.”

Eramo urged students to approach friends or peers who they suspect are victims of intimate partner violence.

“Ask them how they’re doing — open the door for conversation,” Eramo said. “You can’t imagine how much can come from that conversation. You can really change their lives.”

Eramo said panels such as this can be particularly helpful for recovering sexual assault victims.

“I think it can be really beneficial for survivors to hear other stories. It can help them feel like they are stronger for the experience,” Eramo said. “While every day might be difficult, they’re still working through it, and it sort of acts like a light at the end of the tunnel.”

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