The Cavalier Daily
Serving the University Community Since 1890

Nerdy purchases

On skimpers and spendthrifts

<p>Abigail’s column runs biweekly Wednesdays. She can be reached at a.lague@cavalierdaily.com.</p>

Abigail’s column runs biweekly Wednesdays. She can be reached at a.lague@cavalierdaily.com.

There are two types of spenders: the Mr. Krabs and the Squanderer. The Mr. Krabs is distinguished by chronic back pain due to a lumpy mattress stuffed with oodles and oodles of cash. Beware — the Mr. Krabs is willing to risk his life in defense of this mattress. He can and will bite — approach at your own risk. A Mr. Krabs will never spend this money unless there is a guaranteed return investment.

In contrast, the Squanderer will throw his money at anything shiny. If ketchup drips on his shirt, the Squanderer will pull out a dollar bill and use it to wipe up the gooey mess. If a baby cries, he will throw bills in an attempt to buy its silence. The Squanderer is frivolous, wasteful and an overall spendthrift.

I am a Squanderer.

In true Squanderer fashion, my first supremely awesome yet senseless purchase was a sword. Specifically, it was a replica Lord of the Rings sword named Sting. For those who are unaware, in the movie, Sting glows blue when Orcs are near. However, my sword malfunctioned and did not glow blue when I went Orc hunting in my backyard — cue polite yet nervous laughter. Nonetheless, after sweating the amount of money I had spent, I realized it was the greatest purchase I had ever made.

The sword was followed by a string of similar purchases. I am now the proud owner of a replica of Arwen’s necklace, a Game of Thrones shot glass set and a wand. At the poster sale earlier this year, I spent so much money they gave me a free candle. Am I broke? Yes. Did I need these items? No. Am I happy with my purchases? Absolutely.

As college students, we have a tendency to skimp and save because we constantly have the black cloud of bankruptcy on the horizon. I’m not denying the existence of this black cloud, but the panic does us little good. Don’t worry to the point of losing hair or subsisting on Ramen and don’t feel the need to hide money in your mattress never to see the light of day again.

Perhaps the solution is to find a middle ground between the Mr. Krabs and the Squanderer.

Feel free to spend money, but make sure the benefits outweigh the costs. To determine if a whimsical purchase was worth it, wait a couple of days. If you still cringe at the amount you spent — return it.

I once bought a pair of Ray Bans for $200. I thought they were cute but winced every time I saw my checking account or a similar pair of knock-offs for $20. After a week of, “I’m returning them tomorrow” and “but they make me feel so stylish!” I realized I couldn’t justify the money. I could never really enjoy them without seeing dollar signs.

To all reading this, I suggest you make a silly purchase. Realize your checking account isn’t a feral animal ready to bite you, but one you can tame.

Abigail’s column runs biweekly Wednesdays. She can be reached at a.lague@cavalierdaily.com.

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