The Spice Girls were prematurely on to something with their song “Spice Up Your Life.” Sure, maybe they were talking about adding some pep into their dance parties, but roll with my creative liberty here. Pretend they were talking about the ginger-nutmeg-cinnamon-allspice combo — almost as hot as Victoria Beckham herself — and shaking said combo to the left.
I should note that I had every intention of making this a regular Top 10 piece, but after exhausting research on Google, I discovered many of my pumpkin spice fantasies are already sweet, sweet realities. Read on for my five additions to the pumpkin-spiced culinary world.
1. Cereal
First on the list of what hasn’t but should be pumpkin-spiced: cereal. Pumpkin Spice Toast Crunch: the taste you can see with a Valencia filter on Instagram! Pumpkin Spice Trix: Silly Rabbit, Pumpkin Spice Trix are for 16-year-old girls in Uggs! Pumpkin Spice Wheaties: (still) the breakfast of champions!
2. Dumplings
My conception of this is some pumpkin and cream cheese covered in a dumpling wrap and then deep fried. I can’t see how this could go wrong — I may or may not be ready to pitch this to the Dumpling Truck. Consider it a pocket-sized cheesecake. I’m sensing such popularity from these that they alone will cause masses to cross the line between people who have no idea what EMPSU is to people who looked up EMPSU and participated in it because of pumpkin spiced dumplings. And considering pumpkin is a vegetable, I’d say these are healthy.
3. Salad
It’s like you’re eating a Caesar salad, but with a few easy modifications. Instead of lettuce, use mint-flavored ice cream (still green!). Instead of croutons, try sprinkles (fewer carbs!). Instead of parmesan cheese, add coconut flakes (omega-3s!). Instead of Caesar dressing, try frosting (no oil!). Throw some pumpkin spice on that and you’ve got yourself the best tasting salad probably ever. While that may have gone from zero to sundae before you could say “venti skinny pumpkin spice latte with soy milk,” at least it’ll taste better.
4. Tacos
It is a near-impossible task to make tacos any better than they already are, but let’s taco-bout it for a second. According to a really enlightening Google search of “do Pumpkin Spice tacos exist?” the verified @TacoBellCanada Twitter tweeted “Should Pumpkin Spice Tacos be a thing?” on Sept. 9. The taco revolutionists may have a few tricks up their sleeves. You heard it here first, and could I please have a job in the Taco Bell product development department?
To perfectly answer this really important question, I turn to @TimMac117, who on Sept. 10 replied, “anything is possi-bell.”
5. Cookout Milkshake
Your favorite fancy milkshakes just got a little bit fancier. There’s an eggnog flavor, a peanut butter flavor and an ambiguously disparate fresh peanut butter flavor, so why not add some pumpkin spice into the mix? Maybe even some fresh pumpkin spice?
If anyone should be responsible for turning a hot drink cold, it has to be Cookout — but only after three in the morning. Imagine the added euphoria to the already life-changing post-almost-all-night-Clemons-study-session reward milkshake. Go through the drive-thru straight into the fall dessert of your dreams.
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