I don’t know if I’m too late with these apologies to make a difference, but I truly hope they can mend some of the damage I’ve caused.
So go forward and learn about your family history. If you find out you are not related to Walt Disney, Dwight D. Eisenhower or Ellen DeGeneres, that’s fine!
Nothing can match the love a father has for a son who is also a rat named Tony.
The rules are simple. We give you five real quotes, and you have to decide who said them!
Airbnb is wildly popular right now for the same reason Uber and OrderUp are popular: people love convenience-based companies.
I ask you to stop screaming “Not gay!” simply because you are seriously screwing with my ability to chant properly.
My solution? Create a system of standards by which men’s bodies are as intensely imposed upon as women’s.
Trust me, I am very good, and I am also reliable.
My system relies entirely on the tried and true methods of American political decision-making: overgeneralization, ad hominem attacks and entirely fictional facts and figures.
Having seen roughly all the rankings, I can conclude that I am the authority on this. So without further ado, I present the definitive ranking of definitive rankings.
I think we’re unfairly overlooking potential choices that would offer fairer opportunities for students found guilty of an honor offense.
Ladybug: Okay everybody, thanks for coming tonight. I know some of us had harder trips than usual getting here — A big, brown spider: I had to crawl across his sheets multiple times before leaving him terrified and awake. Ladybug: — so let’s take full advantage of our time together.
My biggest issue with the elevator pitch is that it is not the best way for employers to learn about candidates.
Salmon remains one of the only English words I know to be doubly disgusting. Stay away from both the color and the fish.
I wake up in a horror, as if from a terrible dream. My lungs try to expand, heaving my chest to its limits, but I am trapped under the weight of something immense.
Dr. Arthur Simon’s Log 2.08.2016 9:38 a.m. Today was my first session with a new patient named Cupid.
With a little luck, you might even get a job. Welcome to the rat race!
Now that we have at least scratched the surface of my belief system, let’s test it with a viewpoint that will take a lot more rationalizing: The fact that I find other people’s stubbornness unacceptable.
As new editors of the Humor section, we assume you know nothing about us, and we would like to change that.
So, yes, this semester I’ll think about if I should finally get my life together but not as much as I’ll think about if I should copyright my nudes in the cloud.
