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Your Personal NPC

The Non-Playable Characters that spawn in everyday life

So you’ve done it. You’ve completed your first few weeks of the semester and midterms! Pat yourself on the back! You deserve it.

There’s only one problem though. You, like me, have come into contact with quite a few characters. Not just any characters, but certain ones that you see constantly. They could be someone you do not know, someone you follow on Instagram or maybe even your friend’s latest hookup. Whoever they are, you keep seeing them at every turn. When you leave class, there they are. You might stumble into Bodo’s one hungover Friday morning only to find them ordering at the counter. They might be at the Pavilion right as you pick up your Chick-Fil-A. It is like they are meant to spawn exactly where you’re going. 

What we have here is the case of the Personal NPC. For those of you who do not know, NPC stands for Non Playable Character. Basically, think of the individual extras in a movie or the villagers from Minecraft. They each have one purpose — to be in the background. You might just have one NPC, or you could have many of them. Sometimes, they are coded to order the same Starbucks coffee every day. Other times, they are coded to be right outside of New Cabell the moment you leave your Wednesday night discussion.  

If you have one character you see pretty often, congratulations, you have a personal NPC! It is like they are meant to be where you are. Maybe they are the background character in your life, and maybe they even think of you as the background character in theirs.

I am fortunate enough to say that I have become quite the expert on personal NPCs, having a few of my own. Who knows, maybe one of them is reading this right now! So here are my tips on how to navigate your newfound personal background character.  

  1. Avoid changing the script 

For an NPC to complete their job, they must follow through with their task every single day. If you change your role in the situation, the NPC will glitch and not know what to do with themselves. If you were to walk into Bodo’s at a different time, for instance, they would glitch and order the same bagel over and over again until you arrived. Or, if you are supposed to pass them in front of Old Cabell at 3:30 p.m., but you don’t arrive until 3:45 p.m., they will stand completely still until their cue. The point is, in your NPC’s world, you are the main character. Their entire existence depends on your driving of the day. Let them complete their tasks!

  1. Remain at least three degrees of separation away from your NPC

You are the driving force behind every action your NPC takes. Unfortunately, though, your relationship could easily become more than just the occasional passby. They might dare to interact with you, and start to wonder how they are perceived by others. Your Starbucks character could soon become your roommate’s new relationship prospect. This cannot happen. If you get too close to your character, they could quickly find out the truth and begin questioning whether they are real or not. This could lead to dire consequences — we all know existentialism is no fun. The beauty of the NPC is to exist in anonymity.

  1. Let your friends know when you have spotted your NPC 

This will prove that your character is not just some random person, they are yours.  If you text your friends each time you see them, it will show just how often you see them, and also that the world might actually be a simulation. Your friends will likely not believe you at first. But if you point it out to them annoyingly and often enough, the reality of the universe might come this much closer to being fully disproved. And, considering I just failed another test, a simulation could be a good thing! 

  1. Do not worry if you are someone else’s Personal NPC 

If you have suspicions that you might be someone’s personal NPC… have fun with it! Maybe wear a silly outfit or do something off script to throw them off.  Whatever you do, keep the plot interesting, and your observer will have a super funny story to tell their roommates later.  And sure, maybe this contradicts my first tip, but hey, what’s a glitch in the simulation without a glitch in the article guide to the simulation? 

Take my advice or don’t — but the next time you see that person from your discussion section or that girl that sits in front of you in every lecture, enjoy knowing that you have a personal NPC. 

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