Spring Cleaning Edition

By now, you’ve had plenty of time at home to reassess your wardrobe choices for the remainder of the semester — so this week, I’ll be discussing some of the things you need to get rid of ASAP.

I even made a nice, neat list for you. You’re welcome.

1. UGG boots
Get rid of them. Now. Now. Now. They barely had a place in your wardrobe during the winter — and they most certainly don’t have a place in your wardrobe this spring. Even if it snows again, please refrain from putting them on. I know the urge will be strong, but fight it. I know you can.

2. Sweaters
Any and all sweaters should be promptly removed from your wardrobe. I don’t have anything against sweaters — personally, I love them — but I always feel a little queasy whenever I see someone wearing a sweater on a sunny spring day. If I see you walking around with a sweater on after next week, I’ll probably hurl.

3. Long sleeve T-shirts
Why are long-sleeve T-shirts still made, anyway? Everyone just rolls up the sleeves. As human beings, we instinctually refrain from covering our arms — we’ve been showing more and more screen throughout the last 300 years. Long-sleeve T-shirts are a step backwards from this progress and a hassle we shouldn’t pay any mind to. If you’ve got them, toss ‘em.

4. Everything wool
If there is a wool garment in your wardrobe, regardless of how small it may be, it must go. Wool is not allowed in the spring. It is simply unbearable to watch U.Va. students — people typically known for their adherence to the latest fashion trends — traipse around in hideous woolen garments during the spring.

5. Leather
If it’s made of leather, it’s wrong. Leather gloves, pants, jackets — none of these are allowed to follow you into spring. Just thinking about heavy leather garments worn in the 70 degree spring sunshine makes me extremely uncomfortable. Need I say more?

So now that we’re entering one of the most beautiful times of year, let’s not drag the sorrows of winters past along with us. Let’s shed those old cruddy fashion choices we made in the past few months, and begin again, my friends. You know I’m right.

Comments powered by Disqus