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(04/04/19 8:46pm)
I’ve been going on these reminiscing binges lately where I flip through old photos, reread old essays, stuff like that. I’m not sure why. I guess graduation didn’t feel close until now. Maybe if I nestle myself in the earlier memories of my college timeline, the end will once again feel far away? That’s probably part of it. But mainly I enjoy seeing how much of a clueless cutie first-year John was and how much I’ve grown. Still clueless at times, but don’t I look taller now than in that 2015 Halloween picture?
(02/18/19 4:18am)
A “parasocial” relationship is a one-sided relationship where one person feels emotionally invested in and connected to somebody while that person has no idea the other person exists. It’s a common phenomenon among celebrities and obsessed fans, Instagram models and their most devoted followers and definitely does not apply to my friendship with Jim Ryan. We’ve been really tight ever since I read his book and watched his holiday video six times. Here’s our story so far.
(02/06/19 3:35am)
You know, I’ve been reserving judgement until my last semester of college. But now, after adequately taste-testing the collegiate experience, I can definitely say I peaked in high school.
(10/30/18 2:38am)
If you could rewind Father Time’s clock to move-in day your first year and re-do college, would you? Personally, I would pass. I don’t have any hefty regrets to prevent or could-have-beens that I wake up wondering about every day. I am trying to live my fourth year a bit differently though, and I wonder how much I would’ve accomplished if I somehow retroactively applied my new habits to the John of younger days.
(10/16/18 2:11am)
Have I found The One yet? No. Not yet, not yet. If you see her reading on a bench or giving her bus seat to an elderly man, tap her on the shoulder and let her know I’m out here — J. P., the Single Pringle, the 100 percent-wholesome wheat bread, the full snack and a half. Let her know I’m out here walking.
(05/22/18 1:22am)
Should you bet your money on John? It’s still difficult to tell if buying John stocks today will reward you with dividends tomorrow. As trading closes for the semester, we look back on this difficult-to-pin asset’s performance so far.
(05/09/18 4:10am)
I want to study for finals. I really do. But I’m living a full life with a lot going on outside of school. I don’t know how I’m going to find time to study when I need to do other things.
(04/24/18 5:24am)
Before my Cavalier Daily life column, there was my middle school think piece, “The Gospel According to Johnny Boi.” I didn’t play any sports, so I needed some way to spend my time. Naturally, I turned to the hobby of gospel writing. Every week or so, I would write down a page’s worth of bullet point life lessons and email it to a couple of my friends. My reader demographic was almost entirely girls, and I was ok with that. As word spread, I wound up emailing my work to most of the girls in the grade and a few guys, too. My friend Katie has actually had them tucked away in her inbox all these years, and sent all five editions back to me after seeing my current column. After rereading, I think I have a couple lessons to learn from this prophetic Johnny Boi.
(04/10/18 4:14am)
My life permanently changed March 13 at exactly 9 a.m.
(03/26/18 5:00am)
With a whopping four percent alcohol content and only 96 percent sugar content, the pitcher of Bold Rock Hard Apple Cider tests the limits of my drinking abilities.
(02/13/18 5:39am)
I figured a successful college social life relied on coffee shops and parties, which concerned me because neither is my natural habitat. I’ve patched together a healthy network on my own though, and I’ve found that a couple unexpected happenstances have become staples of my socializing.
(01/31/18 5:50am)
Dear Secret Society recruiter/HR department,
(12/14/17 4:16am)
I’ve always been a healthy guy. Sure I’ve eaten more pizza slices in my life than spinach leaves, and I’ll never win the gym’s perfect attendance award, but serious health issues? That’s just not me, you must be thinking of someone else. One time, I even said to my mom, “I feel like bad things just don’t happen to me. I have this faith that things are going to work out because they always have for me.”
(11/14/17 5:04am)
Have you ever looked at the people around you and wondered when the University incorporated being attractive into application criteria? You ever worry that you accidentally got on the bus to the skinny model auditions instead of class? Does a pang of guilt fester in your mind as you go to the pizza station at Newcomb instead of the salad bar like “everybody else?"
(11/01/17 4:27am)
“Halloweekend.” Woo-hoo. I’ve been disillusioned with Halloween ever since fourth grade, when I went trick-or-treating with the classic white sheet ghost costume inspired by Charlie Brown. I had trouble seeing through it in the dark, so the neighborhood boys left me behind to maximize candy revenue. As a hint to how I felt about this — my tears made the sheet stick to my face while my dad, somewhat concerned about my socializing abilities, walked me home.
(10/17/17 3:12am)
I posted on Facebook that I was accepting queries for an advice column. After a couple dozen awkward, non-contributing likes, I got these messages:
(10/06/17 4:52am)
I’m not a loser. I’m a guy who occasionally loses. And that’s okay! It took me a couple years at an achievement-driven college to learn that difference, and I’d like to share my thoughts about losing with you.
(09/19/17 3:11am)
I like going on “self-dates” where I go do something by myself that I enjoy. I’ve gone to the movie theater, restaurants, the park and bars by myself and it’s honestly a great time, almost on par with mother-son bonding activities. My most recent date was dinner and a visit to the Special Collections Library.
(09/05/17 3:32am)
As I settle into third year and my “almost done with college” crises become less frequent from every day to every other day, I can’t help thinking about how much my lifestyle has evolved (or devolved) since first year.
(07/24/17 4:17am)
Two things started July 6 —