Dear Board of Visitors, How have you been? Good! How’s the wife? Good! How’s the coal plant?
One of the most surprising discoveries of this election is that we as a country are far more polarized than we ever cared to admit.
We recently learned a lot of scary stuff about Donald Trump. As a writer, that sentence has grown comfortable and familiar, like a nice sweater you can cozy up in.
Think you know the best places for recent college graduates?
If stress or anxiety seems to be taking over your life, consider purchasing a tiny cactus
This year, our eternal lord and master Teresa Sullivan delivered a Convocation speech unlike any before it... but not in a good way.
Dear classmates (and Prof. Johnson), Due to the events of yesterday afternoon at 0300 hours on the second floor of New Cabell, I find it important I write this letter. I would like to start off by saying that I did not anticipate that the bag of chips would put up such a fight or make so much noise when I tried to open it.
No matter what, you are destined to be on the Lawn.
A Centaur artificial intelligence would function like a normal computerized artificial intelligence, except that the digital mind will be that of a centaur rather than that of a human.
What things exactly? Oh you know, stuff.
I first became aware of the fact that I was both smart as well as pretty when I was six years old
You guys did not want tacos. I hope you are happy with expensive salmon and rice.
Let us demolish and rebuild Scott Stadium
Together, we can make this a beach-bike week to remember
I thought I would help predict what will be the next big films to come out of Hollywood in the coming months.
We at Rolling Stone hope that this excerpt adds to the mythic proportions of which the fab four are seen.
Listen, pet, I’m sorry — really, I am — but you have to understand that when you have the sort of power I do, it’s difficult not to wield it.
I’m a 36-year-old man from western PA, and when I was 12 years old an errant sparrow hit me in the throat, paralyzing my vocal cords and permanently keeping my voice in a mid-pubescent range. Ask me anything?
Life as a robot that looks a lot like a human is hard. But keep your battery pack held high — you’ve got at least a few good years ahead of you if no one drops you in a bathtub or accidently puts you through the washing machine.
I don’t know if I’m too late with these apologies to make a difference, but I truly hope they can mend some of the damage I’ve caused.
