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Athletic achievement does not always translate into success in game of politics

Shame on those of you who blindly believed the Y2K bug wreaked little havoc in its voyage through America's digestive track.

First it leaves eight (that's almost double figures for those of you counting) suburban Richmond homes powerless for hours on end. Then it renders my ATM card useless until Bank of America discovered a vaccination for the raging epidemic. Now Regis Philbin -- once ABC's beauty pageant/gameshow hosting version of Dick Clark -- is the most popular man on planet Earth.

Check that -- he transcends popular to border on being flat-out influential. Hand him a bucket of greenbacks, empower him with a lifeline and ... poof, he instantaneously wields more power than the president (who doesn't?) and more pull than the Pope. He can do no wrong.

Or can he?

Okay, so maybe not everyone wants to be a millionaire, but everyone does want to use that overplayed line.

Who wants to be a Super Bowl champion? Evidently no one if the forever hopeless turned miraculously Herculean St. Louis Rams managed to claim that crown.

Who wants to give the Virginia men's basketball team the respect that's due them? The Cavs boast a five-game winning streak and a second place standing in the nation's most prestigious (though at times overbilled) conference. All of 25 roundball savants sage enough to punch the Cavaliers' name on their top 25 ballots. Other than that, no one.

Who wants to be a politician? Well, if you're an athlete or circus clown ... pardon me -- a professional wrestler, then seemingly everyone.

If not a single soul finds it worthwhile to grant Pete Gillen's squad the tiniest teaspoon of respect, then so be it. They'll earn it with time. If Dallas, Denver, Green Bay, Pittsburgh and San Francisco all want to wallow in ignominy, then I guess that's their choice.

But when Regis' money-making monster of a game show cajoles both Tom Osborne and "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair (two names never used in the same sentence before this column) to run for political office in the same year (Osborne for Nebraska Congress, Flair for Governor of North Carolina), then I have to do my best William Barret Travis -- draw my pen from its scabbard and trace the proverbial line in the sand ... or the Senate.

Former Sooner running back J.C. Watts as an Oklahoma Congressman is one thing, and I'll even let ex-Seahawk great Steve Largeant's admittance into the Washington House of Representatives slide, but "The Nature Boy?" See Exhibit A: Jesse "The Mind" Ventura for a crystal-clear example of the disastrous effects befalling a pro wrestler in public office.

As for Osborne, the ever-stoic ex-Cornhusker commander, his candidacy holds little more water than a man who's fashioned his reputation around the "Figure Four Leglock." A little more water, but not much more.

I truly want to believe that a man of Osborne's integrity, a longtime mentor and surrogate father to young men facing the unimaginable pressures of being a student athlete, would view a position of supreme clout with slightly more seriousness than a weekend fishing trip.

Was I ever wrong. Osborne tried the retirement rod and reel, and it proved boring, so naturally, he's turning to politics.

He summarized his decision in the following nine-word proverb: "It would be a lot easier to go fishing." Sure sounds like Tom has put sufficient thought into this decision, a decision that could leave an entire district under his jurisdiction.

And therein lies the problem. Just because an athlete/wrestler/coach enjoyed unmatched success on the playing field does not translate into prosperity in life's other arenas. Just because I can write the occasional (and I stress occasional) intriguing column doesn't mean I'm ready to perform open heart surgery, in the same way that a doctor isn't prepared to drop the scalpel and attempt to mold useless sports factoids into something vaguely resembling a coherent column.

Life doesn't work that way, a lesson made painfully clear in Mr. Ventura's pitiful case. Strip him of the Intercontinental Championship belt, deny him the ability to cripple his opponent in an inverted body vice, and suddenly a man once convinced of his invincibility now has to master a new craft. That means caring about your job and the thousands/millions of pedestrians directly affected by that job. I'm not sure "The Body" can make such a claim.

I'm not saying Osborne and Flair can't make splendid politicians -- they can and they just might if they take their jobs seriously. Ex-NFL quarterback Jack Kemp did it. So too did actor Fred Thompson. Largent and Watts are well on their way, and back in the '80s some obscure thespian named Reagan (if my facts are correct) decided to do a little politicking on the side.

After all, if Regis Philbin can reinvent himself as America's best man, then Flair and Osborne might just have a prayer.

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