Dear S&B, How do I know if I was really molested? The offender was only three years older than me. Can you give me facts on what being molested actually is?
This sounds like a terrible and confusing incident that happened to you. Your choice of words is important; the other person is described as an offender and illustrates a distressing situation. I think an important question here is: "Has anyone made you feel unsafe or violated?" If the answer is yes, I strongly recommend that you talk to someone about it. There are several good resources available within the University community, including the Student Health Center's Gynecology Clinic at 924-2773 and the Sexual Assault Resource Agency (SARA) at 977-7273.
Definitions are tricky issues. Legal definitions, medical definitions and everyday uses are rarely the same. When I hear "molestation," my next thoughts include horrible stories of child abuse from the news. But I wasn't 100 percent sure what molestation was; I wanted to get the real info. The shocking news is the definition of molestation, according to Princeton University's WordNet, is "harassment" or "tormenting by continued persistent attacks and criticism."
What? That doesn't fit with the definition in my head. A better description would be "sexual assault."
Sexual assault is a term used in many ways. In medical textbooks and classes, it is best defined as forced contact (assault) involving genitalia (sexual). This can involve either genitalia of the victim or the assailant. This is a broad definition to say the least. It would include non-consenting hand to genital touching, frotteurism (rubbing or touching of genitals against a non- consenting person), non-consenting oral sex and forced penetration of any kind.
Unfortunately, that is not the legal definition. The legislators of each state draw up legal definitions. What is sexual assault in one state may not be sexual assault in another. Often, the legal jargon and qualifiers complicate the issue. For example, the Code of Virginia states if a child is under 13 years old, he or she is by law unable to give consent for sexual intercourse. If a child is between 13 and 15, it is a class 6 felony. However, if sexual intercourse is consented by a child 13 to 15 years old and the "accused" is less than three years older by birth date, it is a class 4 misdemeanor. Make sense? Well, not to me. These definitions are useful only in the legal realm.
The last definition is the personal definition. It is addressed by answering the question, "Do you feel violated?" If you feel violated, then all sorts of feelings can be piggybacked onto each other. Often, when there are feelings mixed in together, it can be beneficial to talk to an experienced ear. Student Health can be an excellent start. The SARA hotline mentioned earlier has trained responders and can even send an advocate to accompany you to the emergency room. Counseling and Psychological Services at Student Health (924-5556) has experienced counselors to deal with the emotional impact of sexual assault.
Remember that sexual assault is never, ever your fault. There are many resources available for everyone. There is no reason for you to carry this burden alone.
Lisa Hermann is a Cavalier Daily Health & Sexuality columnist. She can be reached at lisa@cavalierdaily.com or through the Sex & Balances submission page at cavalierdaily.com/sex.asp. This column is used for educational purposes only and is not meant to substitute advice from your doctor.
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