College campuses are filled with people having sex. The young, willing, able and drunk have found themselves thrown together for a glorious four years and intend to take full advantage of it. In fact, I have a friend who was unlucky enough to stumble across two people doing the no pants dance in Mad Bowl one Friday night (and for you first years out there, thanks to the five frat houses looking out over Mad Bowl, it's pretty much the least private place on Grounds).
But there are probably as many people having sex as there are people almost having sex. The "almost" is the tricky, and sometimes painful, part.
Sexual stimulation that doesn't eventually lead to an orgasm can cause a condition that is commonly known as "blue balls." The name would lead you to believe that it's a condition only affecting boys, but girls can also suffer from the build up of blood that occurs.
While this condition, also known a genital congestion (sounds hot, huh?), may be real, it has become a somewhat infamous excuse people use as to why they need to finish.
But, as anyone who isn't currently using it as an excuse will tell you, "blue balls" falls way short of a good reason to have sex. Hint: any time you have to use medical threats and cajoling to entice your partner, it's probably not a good idea.
I'm actually curious if the blue ball line has ever worked.
"Well, I really didn't want to have sex with you tonight. But the thought of you experiencing mild and temporary physical pain is just too heart-wrenching to bear. Thank God you stopped me from making such a horrible and selfish choice"
Besides that, "blue balls" is easily treated, and those suffering from it have several options.
Option No. 1:
Suck it up (and no, that isn't suppose to be sexual).
Wait a little while and eventually the pain and discomfort will diminish as blood flow becomes more normal.
Option No. 2:
Wait for your friend to leave and help yourself out. Sexual release is the easiest and fastest way to get rid of the discomfort.
Option No. 3:
That old cliché works: Take a cold shower.
Option No. 4:
Play squash. I dunno why, but it seems like whacking the ball as hard as you can against a wall for an hour or two would relieve some frustration.
And if you think the pain of blue balls is too much for you, look at it this way; you could be this guy:
Doctors performed the first penis transplant a few weeks ago. Although, medically speaking, the surgery isn't that radical, the sensitive nature of the transplanted organ makes it notable.
The surgery was performed on a 44-year-old Chinese man who had lost his penis in a (get ready for the understatement of the year) "traumatic accident." The organ was donated by the family of a 22-year-old brain dead man (another perk of being an organ donor: your penis can carry on your legacy long after you have passed away). The surgery was considered a success but had to be reversed two weeks later due to the psychological impact the surgery had on both the man and his wife.
Liz Bird is a Health & Sexuality columnist. She can be reached at bird@cavalierdaily.com.
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