My friend's mom once told her that tampons take your virginity. I know this isn't true but she doesn't believe me and I'm afraid many other girls may be brain washed to believe the same thing. Can you set them straight? Maybe they'll believe it coming from a med student. -- Chrissy
For most people, the definition of "virgin" is essentially "someone who has never had sex." The definition of "sex," however, isn't necessarily as clear cut. I dusted off my trusty Stedman's Medical dictionary to sort out exactly how the health care field defines "sex," and this was what I got:
"Sex: a sexually motivated phenomena or behavior."
Wow, "phenomena?!"
Like most dictionaries, the Steadman's specializes in setting up circuitous routes in which the understanding of each term hinges on another equally vague term. In medicine, this is partially deliberate. People do some pretty funky stuff with their bodies (not to mention with other peoples' bodies, fruit and sporting equipment). If doctors have rigid ideas about what constitutes "normal" sex, it can keep them from getting important information necessary for patient care.
In medical school, we're taught to ask every patient -- from geriatric old biddies to strapping young construction workers -- "Do you have sex with men, women or both?" The implication of this question is that sex doesn't just mean "penis goes into vagina (rinse, wash, repeat)." There's even a reasonable argument for broadening this standard sexual history question to ensure that no potentially relevant behavior gets excluded (sort of an "animal, mineral or vegetable?" approach).
That said, even with the laxity built into medical understandings of sex, using a tampon for menstrual bleeding probably doesn't qualify ... unless, of course, inserting a tampon is "a sexually motivated phenomena or behavior" for you. Hygienic, sure. Convenient, absolutely. But sexual? Not something that occurs to most women when they reach for the Playtex.
So where is your friend's mom getting the notion that using a tampon "takes your virginity?" She's probably going by a definition of virginity that was once purported to be practical, albeit before electricity and rational thought really took off. In short, you're friend's mom is talking about the hymen.
Named after the Greek god Hymenaeus, who was in charge of marriage and weddings, the hymen is a cellophane-thin piece of tissue partially covering the vaginal opening. Before we knew better, the integrity of the hymen was taken as proof of virginity, and a woman's purity was evaluated based on whether or not she bled on her wedding night (hence the importance of white sheets and, for the savvy bride, keeping a little animal blood nearby).
Fortunately, we now realize that the hymen can be broken by anything ranging from yoga to riding a bike to, of course, inserting a tampon. On the other hand, if a woman has a particularly elastic hymen, it can remain intact even after vaginal intercourse.
The bottom line is that from an "animal, mineral or vegetable" perspective on sex, definitions of virginity become less about medicine and more about semantics. If your friend wants to include use of tampon in her definition of sex, fair enough. But the rest of us are going swimming ... every day of the month.
Anne Mills is a Cavalier Daily Health & Sexuality Columnist. She can be reached at mills@cavalierdaily.com or through the Sex & Balances submission page at cavalierdaily.com/sex.asp. This column should be used for educational purposes only and is not meant to substitute advice from your doctor.
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