We all know that the sexual dynamic between two people changes over time. But how? What should we expect after those first years -- stiff as a board or bored stiff?
Let's chart this one out.
First night.
Thrilling. The pursuit of the G-spot begins afresh with each new woman, as does the assembly of the perfect hand-job with each new man. Yet, we also have to endure the leftovers of ex-lovers -- favorite moves and idiosyncratic erogenous zones we find peculiar at best. I know, for example, there's some woman out there somewhere who, during oral sex, enjoys being played like a clogged harmonica.
But, you know that your first time is allowed to be awful. It's more about that shocking and intensely fresh intimacy than the perfect technique. And you're happy.
Second night
If you've surpassed the proverbial One Night Stand without stumbling, you now begin to renovate, fitting things to your personal tastes and anatomy. Geronimo.
Added bonus: your partner smells a relationship coming on and is doing some serious PR. You request upgrades and fine-tuning without being run out of bed.
One month
Love is rearing its pretty head. Sex gains a new layer of meaning, which is fully independent of the conventional sense of "good" or "bad." Even if he/she could pass for a cinder block in bed, you feel fully sated and quite sparkly.
One year
The two of you are now a four-handed assembly line. Your quickies -- largely impossible before this level of mutual insight -- are momentous.
What's more, sex can now be employed as a tool for reconciliation, or as a quick means of annihilating a bout of boredom. Or 500 calories.
You've become very Type-A. Ambitious. Motivated by the destination, not the journey. Synthetically punctual. Some might consider this regretful.
Point of no return
Now that it's been streamlined, this sex is probably the best you'll ever have. But since you've tweaked and fiddled for so long, you don't really care. What's more, you now belong to that tragic demographic that has sex no more than three times a month. The risk of infidelity rises spectacularly.
What to do
The coalescence of good sex and true love is breathtakingly erratic -- everyone wants to witness it, few are so lucky. In the framework of a long-term relationship, in which both love and sex are deliberately sown and tended over years and years, once the constellation is achieved, it tends toward the mundane. Sex with your best friend is great. But really only once.
So. Don't aim so high. Or, if that's too cut-and-dry for you, invest in reinvention. Five bucks worth of latex and a little ingenuity go a long way.
Should bright red, shiny rubber cramp your style, there's another option -- a bit strenuous, but professional strength -- a crumb of real wisdom that seems to work on all of those everyday emotional quandaries. Make sure to remain as autonomous as possible, for as long as possible, without triggering a breakup. That should keep your love alive, and with a little luck, your sex kicking.
Katja Schubl is a bi-weekly columnist who can be reached at katja@cavalierdaily.com
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