The recent release of the COD sparked a downward spiral in my disposition. The University's course offerings are plentiful and vast, yet I could not find a single class I wanted to take. I searched all of the College's courses, switched my focus to the Commerce School, then the Architecture School and eventually ended up in the Nursing School -- how I got there, I do not know.
It's a sad reality, but it is just that -- a reality. I envy those individuals who know exactly what they plan on majoring in when they enter their first year and continue to pursue that career choice. I have life goals; I just don't know how to define them according to an online course registration program.
I plan to meet with my faculty advisor Tuesday and ask him what I need to do to graduate with a degree from the Commerce School. I suppose I could immerse myself in the business world, get a job in New York City and become a high-powered executive working on Wall Street, but the mere thought of that makes me cringe. Even the phrase "high-powered executive working on Wall Street" has become a cliché.
I have no direction. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, and I don't know which major I will declare next year. I could see myself working with children, possibly becoming a teacher, and I can see myself traveling the world -- alone and confused. I think my ideal job would consist of visiting resorts in the Caribbean and writing reviews about the hotels, spas and restaurants. I would get paid to lounge around and enjoy a luxurious, decadent lifestyle, if only for a limited amount of time. It's not that I'm lazy; I just think I would be quite good at sitting, eating and sunbathing.
But on the off chance that these career goals don't pan out, I still have no direction in life. And when you couple that with my lack of passion, the end result is not pretty. Of course, I have ideas and fantasies about where life will take me and how I'll get there, but you cannot survive on dreams. I want a job where I can help other people, but that sphere is wide and I have never been good at narrowing things down. I suppose I could become a philanthropist, but isn't that usually more of a supplementary position than a primary one?
Perhaps the reason I cannot decide on a lifelong profession right now is that I am simply not ready. Not ready to move on to that next stage or make such important decisions, not ready to accept full responsibility for my own life. I always thought I was mature, but maybe this is the true test, and like many others I've taken at U.Va., I am failing. Could I be viewing the situation in the wrong way? Maybe the reason I cannot choose a career path is because I can visualize myself doing everything. I can see myself being a firefighter or a doctor, an actor or architect, a janitor or a CEO -- you name it and I have probably considered it. I can see the benefits in all occupations, but I also quickly realize their drawbacks -- the long hours, the surplus of schooling required, the odds stacked against you -- and I extinguish that option until the next comes along.
I have a tendency to overemphasize little occurrences in my daily life and blow them way out of proportion, and my dealings with the COD are no different. I can't help but look at my life as a whole when I'm faced with a minor setback. I have tried to stop doing it, but it just causes more distress. U.Va. puts a lot of pressure on its students to embody perfection, but the University alone is not to blame. Our classmates and peers contribute to this level of pressure immensely, as well, but I think we are all our own greatest critics and worst enemies. I'm realizing the majority of my anxiety is completely self-induced and I swear I am trying to lower my stress level. Now all I have to do is find something to do with the rest of my life.
Ian's column runs biweekly Fridays. He can be reached at ismith@cavalierdaily.com.
Read More
‘I Run With Jim’ T-shirt campaign raises over $8,000 for local charities
By Xander Tilock | 8 hours agoThe success of the project, and its impact, are a testament to Ryan’s reputation in the community.
10 things I would do differently this syllabus week
By Anna Stamey | YesterdayIf I could redo my first week at the University, I’d make a few changes — ones that could save me my time, money and sanity.
On embodying ‘Hey There Delilah’
By Mai Hukuoka | 5 days agoA long-distance relationship – in which the hurdle of communication and staying connected doubles in size – was the bane of my existence, something that I wanted to shy away from for as long as possible
