So, Valentine’s Day was a couple of days ago. Flowers were purchased, chocolates were eaten and thoughtful men all over the country finally got laid.
Flowers, chocolate and jewelry are all typical Valentine’s Day clichés, but as they said on “Grey’s Anatomy” last week, they’re clichés for a reason — because they work. If your girlfriend is an anti-establishment hipster with an eyebrow ring, maybe flowers and chocolate and jewelry aren’t your best option. But for most girls, they tend to work.
Still, guys, more creative gifts are always appreciated. A book by our favorite author, a mixed CD or a nice sweater are all completely welcome Valentine’s gifts. Just make sure you buy clothing in the proper size. If you buy it a size too large, we’ll accuse you of thinking we’re fat.
Personally, I’ve found that boys tend to miss the mark when it comes to buying gifts. Not just for Valentine’s Day, but for all holidays. Guys just can’t seem to shop for the right present. I miss the elementary school days when we decorated a shoebox container for our valentines and had to make one for everyone in the class. Simple. And you’re always guaranteed a card and candy.
This isn’t the case anymore. Frankly, I think guys could use a lesson in gift-giving.
For example, in the ninth grade, my new boyfriend bought me a Bible for Valentine’s Day. Never mind the fact that we had been dating for only a month. Never mind the fact that we had never talked about religion before. Never mind the fact that he had no idea what my religious beliefs were. I’m not bashing God or religion or even Bibles, but it felt like he was telling me that I needed God in my life because I was too loose-moraled for him. Kind of an inappropriate gift.
And alright, I’ll admit that girls aren’t always the best present shoppers either. When my little brother was in the sixth grade, he had a new “girlfriend” when Valentine’s Day rolled around. I use the quotation marks because in the sixth grade, group dates were barely happening, let alone real dates or even — gasp! — kissing. But Valentine’s Day seems to span all generations and a present was still deemed necessary. My parents took my brother out to buy his “girlfriend” a little teddy bear from Bath and Body Works with its arms wrapped around an assortment of lotions. Appropriate gift. In return, the little girl stole a $20 bill out of her mom’s wallet and gave it to my brother at school. Inappropriate gift. First, a $20 bill is never seen as a thoughtful present; second, it was stolen from her mom and third, it wasn’t even wrapped. My parents had to call her mom to return the rogue $20.
I asked around to see if any of my friends received any dreadful Valentine’s gifts. One girl’s boyfriend carved her a submarine out of wood. That’s thoughtful, I guess, but also kind of weird. Another friend received “Saw 1”, “Saw 2” and “Saw 3” on DVD. Nothing says “I love you” like a man cutting off his own foot with a rusty saw. And then there’s my dad, who frequently buys my mom things like ironing boards and vacuums. I would be offended but surprisingly enough, my mom loves them. Maybe it’s a marriage thing.
All in all, I guess guys can sometimes be misguided in their attempts to buy Valentine’s Day presents. But at least they’re trying. At least they care enough to make an attempt to please us. At least they put themselves out there enough to give us things like wooden submarines, which they obviously went to great lengths to make. Girls, my advice to you is that for next Valentine’s Day, try to be open-minded about the gifts you receive. And guys, maybe say ix-nay to anything involving a masked man named Jigsaw. And one final recommendation: If worse comes to worse, you could always get what my roommate Nora got for Valentine’s Day — a male stripper. In my mind, always a welcome gift.
Jordan’s column runs biweekly Mondays. She can be reached at j.hart@cavalierdaily.com.
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