We are currently mired in what is being termed the Great Recession, the worst economic downturn since the Depression of the 1930s. Many Americans households are cutting back and are at a loss about what they can do until the stimulus package kicks in. I think that we as college students should follow suit. Here are some easy ways to help us cut back and save money.
Entertainment is an area where easy cuts can be made. Cable television might be a very good target, even for students who are reluctant to give up watching their favorite shows. They might just want to eliminate the extras like HBO and Showtime. And lucky for them, Housing has made that tough decision for us by not allowing premium channels in on-Grounds housing.
Also, upperclassmen tend to spend a lot of money at bars. I think they should take a page out of the first-year play book and go to fraternity parties where the beer is free. That, or just go to Alcoholics Anonymous, which might prove far more cost effective.
Food also is one of students’ top expenses at the University. It is said an army travels on its stomach, and college is no exception. In my opinion, the most straightforward way to lower your grocery bill or tab on the Corner is to exploit the copious amounts of free food on Grounds. Nary a day goes by when I don’t see a flyer for “Free Food.” One night you could eat dinner with the European Society, the next night with the Indian Student Organization. Not only could you fill your belly, but you might also learn something. Should this plan fail, you could just end up losing a few pounds.
Another area of concern is housing, which costs Wahoos hundreds of dollars a month, but does afford students a variety of alternative options. Now, I’m not talking about on- versus off-Grounds housing, JPA versus 14th Street apartments, but rather, paid versus free housing options. I have found that many people here hold their social networking skills in the highest regard, counting hundreds of friends at the University. To you, I suggest living the lifestyle of a vagabond. moving from couch to couch, crashing at your friends’ pads. Not only could you be living for free, but you would also be able to test the bounds of your friendships. To everyone else, I suggest making a home of classroom buildings like Cabell Hall and the Chemistry Building, neither of which are ever locked and both of which are oddly homey when you’re not listening to a lecture. For years, students have turned Club Clemons into a hotel during exams, but why not make it your permanent address? Still, my personal favorite would be to pitch a tent on the Lawn or in the Amphitheater and just claim to be protesting something. As for utilities, I think that group showers and open fires are underutilized.
In addition high living expenses, one of the leading problems of today’s economic climate is the expensive cost of health care. I think this area is less of a problem for college students, mostly because of our elixir of youth. But if taking care of your body with a healthy diet, exercise and plenty of sleep isn’t your style, I suggest insurance fraud. If insurance companies like AIG can rob the American people with poor investment decisions, then why can’t we steal right back from them? University students are clever and creative and I doubt you’d get caught. Even if you did, it’s a white collar crime. Do you to even go to jail for that? I bet it’s like a resort anyway, only with free room and board, not to mention cable. If that doesn’t work out you could always make your body your greatest asset and maximize your utility at the same time — if you know what I mean.
While the Commerce School, a pillar of the University, was recently named the top public undergraduate business school in the nation, the financial collapse has left some Commerce students with some grim-looking job prospects. They used to be the high rollers around Grounds — always good for a drink or a pizza. But they are still a fountain of advice, which is quite invaluable at times such as these. Some of my friends in the Commerce School have suggested that I reinvest my Plus Dollars into the Plus Euro or Plus Yen markets. I also think that we shouldn’t let our Citibank stock just sit there doing nothing. Why not use it as toilet paper or paper towels?
On a fundraising front, I believe that founding a fraudulent contracted independent organization is your best move. Just think about it: You could apply for Student Council funding. You could collect dues. You could have Qdoba nights or sell pizza on Beta Bridge. And speaking of activities — and I don’t know about the rest of you — I have a closet full of T-shirts that I’ve gotten for free. During times like these, you can’t look at them just as garments. Rather, they’re collector items with great resale value.
John’s column runs biweekly Mondays. He can be reached at j.gregory@cavalierdaily.com.
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