"Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them, or he quits them because they are unfair." Unfortunately, these timeless words of 'Nard Dog wisdom don't apply to my intramural experience at U.Va. For starters, my intramural teams lose - a lot. Since first year, I've had my salad tossed in almost every IM sport imaginable - to the tune of a 2-21 overall record, in fact. Getting slaughtered 24-4 in softball on Sunday was just another day at the proverbial office.
I've never been able to quit playing IM sports or deem them "unfair." Intramurals provide a glorious opportunity for groups of friends to band together, adopt a raunchy team name and partake in the joy that is a casual game of everything from indoor soccer to inner-tube water polo. That being said, after personally suffering through a number of the system's shortcomings, I believe the following reforms are in order.
The first problem with IM sports at U.Va. is that the experience often fails to justify the cost, especially given that many comparable universities offer IM sports at little to no cost beyond tuition. At first glance, the $50 team fee per IM sport seems innocent enough, especially because the money covers the costs of equipment and referees for sports like softball. One has to wonder, however, what the $50 fee pays for in IM Ultimate Frisbee, which is self-officiated and requires almost no extra equipment.
An awesome in-game experience would almost certainly validate excessive entry fees, but here the IM officiating unfortunately drops the ball. Games often start late, end early and feature referees who fail to facilitate a fun and free-flowing game. In Sunday's softball defeat, my team literally lost with almost 20 minutes still to play. Props to the guys on "George Clinton's P-Funk All-Stars" for playing out the remaining time and showing great sportsmanship throughout, but two of the three umpires - who had initially delayed the game by arriving late - had the audacity to bail the second the slaughter rule kicked in.
Beyond punctuality and commitment, the quandary with IM student refs is that savvy sports fans and athletes don't ref games - they play in them - and this trend results in overly literal officiating that overshadows the intended spirit of casual competition. In the end, every IM competitor just wants to play, but ticky-tacky fouls and impossible strike zones dampen the in-game experience for all parties involved - and particularly those on the receiving end of a blowout.
I propose a referee rating system that is accessible to the members of the appropriate teams at the online IM team-page after each game. The rating system would allow players to grade their referees' performances and leave written feedback to highlight which refs were - and were not - earning their pay. This would identify the top referees and potentially lower the number of refs deemed necessary for games. Also, to reward quality officiating and encourage sports fans and athletes to play and ref IM sports, student referees could be allotted one free IM team per semester in addition to regular pay. These moves would ensure that games were officiated at a consistent, high level while also cutting costs.
The second major IM issue is the massive disparity in teams' talent and competitiveness during the regular season and early playoff rounds. Many IM teams go to incredible lengths to amass athletic prowess and run the table in their leagues. I respect that, but when these competitive teams play against casual teams - whose aspirations equate to having a few laughs while working off a regrettable Newcomb dinner - the inevitable result is a comprehensive beat-down of the casual players, and it shouldn't be that way. The sole incentive to play IM sports should be the enjoyment of a happy, healthy experience in the company of good friends. When intramural competition forgets its focus on casual fun by punishing bad teams with shortened games and seasons, it misses the point.
I realize that when certain IM teams in certain IM sports (read: my softball squad) are too slow to sign up for Co-Rec, it's their own fault when Independent teams routinely tear them a new one. But that doesn't mean their 2010 softball seasons should only last a paltry three games - if you include the guaranteed playoff game and subtract the rained-out game that was never made up. To even the playing field, the IM playoffs should feature a consolation playoff bracket to give teams that lose their initial playoff matchup a chance to play additional games. Presently, the odds are heavily stacked against casual teams who struggle during the regular season and then are eliminated by top seeds in their first - and final - playoff game. A consolation bracket would offset first-round playoff mismatches and give casual teams the longer and more meaningful IM experience they paid for.
Lastly, the biggest beef I have with U.Va. intramurals is the slaughter rule. Although it exists in various - but equally nefarious - forms, every IM sports' slaughter rule ultimately ends games prematurely when one team has a sizeable scoring edge against another. Ostensibly this rule serves to preserve the dignity of the losing team members, but among mature college kids - and team names like "Where My Pitches At?" and "Superman That Throw" - this rationale carries little weight. For my money, the slaughter rule contradicts the whole point of IM sports by stressing winning more than one's participation in and enjoyment of the games themselves.
Remember in "Gladiator" when Russell Crowe's character, Maximus, defies the Emperor's order to finish off a rival combatant, "Mortal Kombat" style? The crowd went nuts for "Maximus the Merciful!" If the slaughter rule isn't good enough for Russell Crowe, it sure as hell isn't good enough for you. In fact, its sole benefit is to make up for time lost by late-arriving referees or delayed games - neither of which is the fault of the players.
In my experience - and as Sunday's softball game proved - both the winning and losing teams want to keep playing - and why wouldn't they? Both teams paid for a full game, they both showed up to play a full game and the refs got paid to ref a full game - so either abolish the slaughter rule outright or require refs to ask if either team wants to stop playing at the appropriate point in a game - and then stop or continue play accordingly. Even if all of my earlier suggestions fall on deaf ears, the death of the slaughter rule alone would go a long way toward alleviating much of the frustration associated with those initial issues. And at the end of the day, even my hapless fellow members of "Jay McGwire's Shooting Stars" can be content in the knowledge that at least they got their money's worth.
In the end, every intramural participant just wants to play, but there are currently plenty of problems preventing casual IM athletes from getting enough bang for their buck. 'Hoo knows? Maybe the U.Va. intramural office will take a gander at my humble proposals and institute some change we can believe in. But even if the status quo continues for impotent IM teams like mine, you owe it to yourself to never give up, never surrender - and definitely never punch a hole in the wall. Take it from me - IM sports are just too much fun. And take it from the 'Nard Dog - anger management is definitely not.
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