Sometimes I feel like I’m leading separate lives, like there are multiples sides to me that come out on different occasions. Usually, I don’t want these various spheres of my life intersecting. Social, academic and family spheres require different handling and attention to different cues.
Socially — and by this I mean with my peers — I am much more outgoing and do many, many more stupid things.
With my family, I have reserved the calm, “I completely know what I doing with my life even though I’m an English major” face. I am ready to spit out a life plan at the drop of a hat and seem mature beyond my years. It’s worked out so far, and they suspect nothing.
In the academic sphere, I speak to no one and hide in the bowels of Clemons. Leave academic Abby alone — she’s not doing so well.
Each facet of my life is equally important and yet, the spheres have become more and more independent since my arrival at the University. When you leave your family, you become much more autonomous and, suddenly, these spheres of your life have completely separated. As a result, you soon have to pick and choose between them — when will you allot time for family and which social events actually mean something to you? Should you study or go out with your friends?
Recently, I faced one such decision — Foxfield or my cousin’s baby shower. Initially, some family members demanded I go to the baby shower. Social me — and my wallet — cringed at the obscene amount of money I had already spent on a dress and floppy hat. I resolved to wear both at the shower, and secure in my decision, I arrived at my aunt’s on Easter expecting approval.
Then, my own grandmother said if she were me, she’d go to Foxfield. I was shocked — didn’t family always come first?
As more family members weighed in, I realized no one expected me to go to the baby shower. In fact, my own mother hadn’t given me the invitation because she didn’t think I would be interested. Either that, or she opened our joint invitation without registering my name on it. Finally, the original proponent of attending the shower stated, “What would a nineteen-year-old do at a baby shower anyways?”
So, I decided to go to Foxfield. In this moment, two separate spheres of my life collided and helped me make a decision I would have felt guilty making otherwise. Because I still love my cousin to bits, I went to Barnes and Noble and picked out a baby book I sincerely hope she likes — one of my favorites as a child.
Making this decision, I realized spheres don’t need to be separate at all and one can influence the other. In college, you have the tendency to isolate yourself, and this can only ever be detrimental. My separate spheres collided and the world didn’t explode, teaching me I have no need for such isolation.
Abigail’s column runs biweekly Wednesdays. She can be reached at a.lague@cavalierdaily.com.
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