I think it is fair to say humans share a collective desire to experience happiness as we travel through the stages of life. But how do we define happiness? What does it really mean to be happy? We think of happiness as an entity that can be found through the shuffling of thoughts or the chasing of commodities. While happiness can be found in “things” and achievements, personal connections and relationships most notably foster happiness.
A large source of our “happiness” comes from electronics. The importance of face-to-face communication is most obvious in this day and age, as the digital age has curtailed the amount of legitimate “face time” we have with each other. These platforms have made a tremendous impact on the ease of communication, but they have also revolutionized the way we communicate so that it hinders our ability to engage in conversation. In his book, Jordan McKenzie speaks to the relationship between personal connection and happiness. He writes: “Happiness is not only dependent upon social relationships and interaction, happiness itself is a social project rather than an individual one.” The way we communicate through technology cannot be a substitute for the cultivation of this social project.
Dr. Robert Waldinger currently heads the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has followed the lives of hundreds of men for over 75 years, exploring the factors that inflame happiness. He has been able to draw some conclusions about the correlation between personal connections and happiness. He explains, “Over and over in these 75 years…our study has shown that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned into relationships with family, with friends and with community.” Conversations teach patience, reverence and thoughtfulness. We desire quick responses from each other, allowing ourselves to inappropriately dumb down conversations on important issues that could potentially develop into meaningful solutions to the world’s gravest problems and concerns. Waldinger speaks confidently about the power of strong social bonds in ensuring happiness, challenging us to do “something as simple as replacing screen time with people time.” Gwen Dewar proposes tips for avoiding an electronic childhood in her article. She advises simple solutions, such as choosing toys that “inspire creativity” and keeping “television and other electronic entertainments off your child’s radar.” I know it seems silly. We talk to our friends all the time. But how wholesome are these daily conversations? We participate in conversations that are easy to dip in and out of, light in subject matter and ephemeral in terms of sparking interest. Technology should not be a substitute for tactile and verbal face-to-face communication.
Psychologist Chris Peterson, when asked to sum up his research on positivity and happiness in a few words, said, “Other people matter.” Gillian Sandstrom and Elizabeth Dunn conducted a study in 2014 in which they tracked adults interactions, receiving feedback on a daily basis. They found people experienced greater levels of happiness each day when they interacted with more people, regardless of the strength of the connection. This study suggests that when we maintain social connections with the people around us on a day to day basis, we inevitably have stronger feelings of belonging and overall happiness. The interactions we have greatly influence the way we look at life; thus, the cultivation of relationships gives us a positive outlook on life, ultimately increasing our happiness.
Conversation also serves as a means to self-reflect. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Other men are lenses through which we read our own minds.” When we converse with our family and friends, we are starting a dialogue with ourselves. Sherry Turkle forwards this idea as she draws our attention to the fact that “social media continually asks us what’s ‘on our mind,’ but we have little motivation to say something truly self-reflective. Self-reflection in conversation requires trust. It’s hard to do anything with 3,000 Facebook friends except connect.”
It’s rather simple. When we are plugged in, we cannot truly experience happiness, for we forgo the basis upon which happiness grows: personal connections.
Lucy Siegel is an Opinion columnist for The Cavalier Daily. She can be reached at l.siegel@cavalierdaily.com.
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