The idea that cell phones and social media are detrimental to human relationships is nothing new, but recently I’ve found myself troubled by the amount of University students who use these devices to control their romantic relationships. Specifically, I am concerned with the couples who use text, email and even social media sites to have some of their most intimate conversations, such as revealing life changing secrets, saying “I love you” for the first time and even ending a relationship.
The regression of relationships can be directly correlated to the growing use of technology. According to the Pew Research Center, 75 percent of teenagers text, and almost one in three sends more than 100 texts per day. The “teenager” demographic is the 12-17 age group, which is when we become indoctrinated into technology-based relationships, through AIM, texting and more recently Facebook and Twitter. The immaturity of those 12-17 year old relationships seems to have made its way into our college relationships. It is not uncommon to see University students texting and Facebook messaging their way through relationships. I have witnessed students text their significant other saying anything from “My grandma died” to “Did you cheat on me?”
Are these really conversations we should be having over text message? These intimate conversations should occur in person, so as to avoid confusion or frustration. Texting is for sharing rapid-fire thoughts. It should not be used for arguing with your significant other about his infidelity or writing page long paragraphs explaining why you need to break up. University students, from my experience, are notably outspoken in and out of class, which makes me wonder why we hide behind the screens of our cell phones and laptops when making these huge personal decisions.
That is not to say texting can’t be useful. It helps us develop small-talk skills and can be great for new friends, who are often more comfortable texting than talking on the phone or in person. But texting, since its inception, has been superficial communication. It is not meant for meaningful conversations. More personal, intimate conversations need to be done face-to-face because if people become too comfortable hiding behind a screen, it will become increasingly difficult for them to have those conversations in-person.
A Brigham Young University study found that texting is linked with relationship dissatisfaction in men and women. The study focused on couples between 18 and 25 years of age, and it found that about 82 percent texted each other several times every day. The study also shows that texting is unhealthy for relationships, in particular when used as a means of communication for serious conversations. The only instance in which texting had a positive effect was when it was used to express affection, which is understandable. Saying something innocent like “I miss you” to spark an in-person interaction or a phone conversation is fine, as long as the conversation doesn’t remain on text the entire time.
Our generation has become way too comfortable hiding behind a screen, especially at vulnerable times, like the ones I’ve mentioned before. It is a lot easier to tell someone you like her over text and not have to face the rejection in person if the feeling is not reciprocated. It’s also a lot easier, if you are in a fight, to make a Facebook or Twitter status of song lyrics that convey how you feel about your significant other, passive aggressively expressing yourself without having to be honest with them upfront.
Texting, Facebook messaging and every other technological outlet creates a false sense of intimacy that can hurt our relationships. Intimacy is dependent on communication, and communication is not just the result of words — it is dependent on facial expression, outward emotion, hand gestures and much more. Texting cannot replace in-person interactions. A simple “K” or an ellipsis could lead to many problems, as both may be interpreted as aggressive. Saying things over text or social media is never going to be as clear as talking in person.
Our future relationships, if we continue to use technology as prominently to communicate as we do now, are almost doomed to fail, as is our ability to confront issues in person. So instead of hurting our relationships by texting, we need to become comfortable with one another and begin to have more in-person conversations, especially when it comes to the more meaningful conversations we want to have. Yes, it is awkward to have to say such personal things aloud, especially when it is so easy to just hide behind a screen at those vulnerable times, but we need to gain the courage to do it anyway. It will strengthen our relationships, and we will break the cyber-relationship cycle that is so ingrained in our generation.
Meredith Berger is an Opinion Columnist for The Cavalier Daily. She can be reached at m.berger@cavalierdaily.com.
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