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Who cares what happened to Poison?

Check your local listings; chances are there's a documentary all about you on TV tonight. The show will feature some of your favorite memories, recount pivotal moments in your life, chronicle your changing interests over time and, fortunately for you, conclude with a happy ending.

Over the last few years, several networks have introduced shows that present biographies and major issues by assembling past news clips and interviews into a single, condensed story. MSNBC's "Time and Again" and VH-1's "Behind the Music" are just two examples of this increasingly popular, cheaply-produced brand of television. The networks promote both series as documentary-style profiles of celebrities and newsmakers. But while these shows may resemble documentaries, it is difficult to imagine them being grouped alongside A&E's "Biography" or films like "Hoop Dreams." Unlike traditional documentaries, which tend to - as their name suggests - document lives and events, "Time and Again" and "Behind the Music" replay old news to emphasize the coverage of people rather than the people themselves. So if these programs are documentaries, exactly what is being documented?

While rock stars and tabloid personalities are central figures of these shows, the real fun of "Behind the Music" is that viewers can play along at home. Audiences can relate to the story of a celebrity's career because they were witnesses to its coverage. Whether the subject is "Princess Diana" on MSNBC or "Duran Duran" on VH1, each replayed news clip and interview is a scene from your life as a spectator: "Remember when you thought that person was interesting? Remember when we saw that video? Remember when you bought that CD and sold it a month later?"

Even though audiences already know how the story turns out, there's something sadistically hilarious about watching Vanilla Ice turn into a grandiose egomaniac before embarking on a well-deserved, pathetic downfall. And by the end of the hour, you the viewer get the ultimate satisfaction of knowing that while your tastes have evolved with the times, this loser on TV still is living in the past. Sure, maybe Vanilla is trying to update his image, but you can see through his act because you know what's really in style; after all, you watch MTV and VH1. The documentary of your life as a spectator always ends happily ever after.

Audiences expect to see publicity stunts and outright advertising from the mock-journalism in "Entertainment Tonight" and "Access Hollywood." But the shameless self-promotion of MSNBC's "Time and Again" is presented as real, objective coverage of important people. Disguised as "history," this show is only a collection of NBC news reruns, regardless of whether or not the original reporting was accurate. And it always has a happy ending: You the viewer have a flawless understanding of how the news you once watched on TV shaped your world.

For better or for worse, "infotainment" has begun colonizing new territory. "Dateline NBC," "Fox Files" and "20/20" are helping to blur the lines between news and hype. Now more than ever, viewers should remind themselves that Jane Pauley isn't really a journalist. She just plays one on TV.

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