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Dockter Duval's Advice Column

Dear Dockter Duval,

My roommate sleeps all the time. I don't understand it. How can someone be perpetually sleeping? I mean, doesn't she have work to do? It's especially frustrating when I come home from a long day and she's sitting on the couch in a half-sleep daze staring into the television set. I know it's not fair of me to be bitter - perhaps I'm just jealous - but I don't think I can live with her anymore. Advice?



Dear Frustrated,

First, make sure your roommate is okay - excessive sleep is sometimes a sign of depression. Talk to her honestly about her sleeping habits and make sure she knows that help is available if she needs it.

Refer her to the University's Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) at 243-5150 or 924-5556.

If that's not the case, and your roommate is just lazy, tell her you want to make a chart of your daily schedules. Fill out both your parts and post it somewhere convenient. When your roommate walks over to fill out her portion she'll see that you've filled in her time slots with sleep and TV watching. The beautiful thing is that she won't be able to contest the truth.

Or, tell her that you're doing a sociology experiment where you need to monitor all of her daily activities. Sit down with a clipboard for about 20 seconds while she is watching TV, and then tell her how thankful you are for the thorough look into her eventful life. When she says, "Hey, this isn't ALL I do" just respond with, "Oh yeah, of course I know that, silly ... I watched you carefully while you were sleeping too!"

Dear Dockter Duval,

After reading the article "Who's got the look?" (Apr. 10), I became worried. I'm afraid girls won't dig my spring threads. I checked my wardrobe and didn't find a single Abercrombie or pastel Polo item. I do have a couple American Eagle tees, but most of my goods are from surf shops, Structure, Gap and Eddie Bauer. What am I to do with all of my Hawaiian shirts, board shorts, and stuff from O'Neill and Billabong? Is there a University fund to help me pay for $40 Abercrombie t-shirts?


A sponger from VA Beach

Dear VA Beach Sponger,

First off, I wouldn't worry that much about the article, especially considering the fact that they portrayed Capri pants in a positive light, which completely negates its validity.

In any case, even if that article was right and I'm just bitter that all my clothes were on the "out" list instead of the "in" list, I don't think you're going to gain much by revamping your wardrobe.

Dear Dockter Duval,

I'm madly in love with one of my teachers. She is so beautiful and wonderful, like Einstein's brain and Heather Locklear's body. I can't even talk to her because she will be able to see it in my face. Why is it that the women of my dreams are 20 years older than me? And why is it against University policy to go after the women of my dreams?

Raging Hormones

Dear Raging Hormones,

Although I wish I could encourage you to go forth and woo the woman of your dreams, I think it's beneficial to distance yourself from this sexy Einstein individual (anyone else get strange mental images here?). Courting your teacher is most definitely stepping out of bounds.

In that sort of relationship, no matter how enticing, you just can't go there.

As much as you think you adore that brainy Heather Locklear (yes, oxymoron noted), things often appear more enticing from afar.

The fact that you have difficulty speaking to this woman leaves me questioning how she could possibly be at the pinnacle of your desires with so little interaction.

I think it would be wise to just move on and find someone who isn't twice your age. The age difference might be more than you bargained for, even if she does seem enticing now.

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