LAST WEEK, the Republican National Convention provided an entertaining and diverse set of speakers who each represented a different movie genre. For the comedy, Arnold Schwarzenegger provided the nation with non-stop laughs, while Zell Miller was the scariest on-screen production since the 1973 horror hit, "The Exorcist." And as for Mr. President himself, it's safe to say that he belongs on the shelf labeled "never had a chance," right between "XXX" and "2 Fast, 2 Furious."
Ahhnold, whether Republican or Democrat or Terminator, is a hilarious man. He provided a bored nation with his blatant mannerisms and hyperbolic stories of patriotism, such as his probably apocryphal encounter with a legless soldier who claimed that he was returning to Iraq, but "will be back." My roommates and I all laughed and cheered at his speech, which in all seriousness substituted sappy nationalism for real content (he didn't mention any specific policies).
Later in the convention came Sen. Zell Miller, D-Ga., who is still haunting me in my nightmares. Miller, nominally a Democrat but practically a Republican, gave a speech full of "true lies" (sorry, Arnold) about Kerry's career, taking votes out of context and using them to attack John Kerry as a person, a presidential candidate and an American. Miller's basic tactic can be summarized in one example: He deceptively represented Kerry's 1991 vote against one appropriations bill (that was also opposed by five Republicans) as multiple votes against different defense initiatives, thus presenting Kerry as weak on national security.Miller even dared to champion the F-14D fighter jet, a jet that formerSecretary of Defense Dick Cheney tried to cut funding to, along with the A-12 stealth fighter and my personal favorite, the B-2 bomber. Nonetheless, it is improbable that many people caught such contradictions and dirty politics on the first listen.Miller's angry, malignant comportment and ghostly facial appearance were simply perfect, had he been auditioning to be the antagonist in a scary movie. Most people were probably either wondering what R.L. Stine was doing at the RNC or (hopefully) telling their children to look away as Zell Miller was delivering an unfounded speech that was ultimately shadowed by his horrifying personality.
And finally, fresh off the "never had a chance" shelf was Bush's speech, a speech about... nothing? Like "XXX," his speech was full of action but devoid of depth, and upon closer examination, simply vacuous. As far as lacking content, when reviewing the facts, President Bush never mentioned the net jobs lost in the past four years, outsourcing, premiums, the debt or the deficit, Iran, North Korea, Osama bin Laden or al Qaeda's present-day state. Perhaps this is because more jobs have been lost than gained since 2000, or because he's done nothing with respect to outsourcing, or he has no idea how to handle Iran, and is embarrassed by the greater-than-Iraq threat that is North Korea. Clearly, the president doesn't want to remind us that bin Laden is still on the loose. Or maybe he just forgot?
He brought up the uninsured and middle class families once each, and devoted a breathtaking five words to the current situation in Iraq but did, however, find time to constantly remind us of Sept.11 and his campaign Web site, which is, of course, more important than the largest deficit in world history. And the issues that President Bush did touch on, he only did so superficially; in fact, it was absolutely incredible how little was mentioned in the RNC about the Republican plan for the next four years.
While the Democratic National Convention maintained a positive tone, conveying optimism and hope, the RNC was just the opposite. From a moderate person's point of view, the RNC had three tactics that all the speakers, especially the three above, effectuated. The first was to focus on the past: The speakers constantly conjured memories of historically patriotic moments as far back as World War II and as relatively recent as Ronald Reagan's death. The second was to consistently appeal to patriotism, through anecdotes of soldiers in hospitals and on the field. And finally, the RNC's message fired back at the DNC's optimism with an even greater force of pessimism. Constant reminders of threats to the nation and the supposed faults of John Kerry were commonplace at the convention. The president, thus, decided not to go for an Oscar, but instead created a summer hit with his mudslinging and misleading politics.
After four years in office, the president has shown through his actions his inability to lead a nation as great as ours. A disastrous debt, two wars gone awry, corporate scandals involving some of his biggest campaign contributors (Ken Lay) and a complete disregard for the Constitution he solemnly swore to uphold are just a few of the blunders that adulterate Bush's resume. Therefore, I watched the RNC the same way I watch a bad movie... taking comfort in the fact that the movie is slowly yet surely coming to an end. And with the end of Bush's speech, I had a smile on my face, and ironically, I was thinking exactly what I was thinking four years ago right now -- this guy doesn't stand a chance.
Sina Kian's column appears Thursdays in The Cavalier Daily. He can be reached at skian@cavalierdaily.com.
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