These days, it seems like you can claim anything as your own -- as long as you saw it, said it or thought of it first. In a way, "claiming" is a concept carried over from childhood. We yelled shotgun to claim the front seat of the minivan. A finger to the nose claimed, "I'm not it." We've been raised with the idea that if you act fast, you can "call" things as your own.
Paris Hilton recently exercised her great, American right to copyright by laying legal claim on the phrase, "That's hot." In a world where trademarks, copyrights and patents seem to have given somebody the rights to most everything, where does claiming come into play in the dating game?
What "rights" does one have over a former flame, ex-significant other or past hookup?
Let us paint a picture: In the Fall of 2004, Bobby began "seeing" Kate. And we mean "seeing" in the loosest sense. Things were pretty serious for a while. He took her to Michael's Bistro once... they even ordered dessert. Nevertheless, it fizzled out faster than an improperly tapped keg. The two went from daily IMs to profile stalking, and eventually their relationship evolved into a series of awkward encounters on the Corner or in Clemons.
Fast forward to the present. Kate's "over" Bobby. In fact, Kate puts on such a brave face that her roommates buy the act and one of them, Maria, develops a crush on Bobby herself.
Here's where the situation gets sticky. When a "relationship" is never more than a series of undeclared hookups, the post-fizzle rules can be a hazy as the "relationship" itself. There are some out there who solve this dilemma with a set of simple rhymes: "Chicks before Dicks," "Bros before Hoes." In other words, don't adventure into territory formerly explored by a friend. But is it really that simple?
What if Maria and Bobby are destined to go beyond drunken hookups and quasi-dates? Should an unofficial month of hookup hotness between Kate and Bobby thwart potential dating destiny?
Some might say that plain and simple, Kate has a claim; that the physical and emotional experiences she shared with Bobby render him "off-limits" to any girl who claims to be her friend. Others could argue, understandably, that the idea of a "claim" on a guy who technically didn't even amount to boyfriend status is ridiculous and overreaching.
In an ideal world, a conscientious friend would be honest about the situation and ask permission to pursue the former flame. The friend would then be rewarded for his or her considerate behavior and receive the go-ahead.
The world is not ideal, however. Not all friends are conscientious of potential claims, and not all potential claimers are so willing to put aside the past to let a friend try for a future.
When the friend chooses not to drop a claim, things can get messy. Do you honor the claim, or screw it, screw him and potentially screw up the friendship?
Perhaps this decision hinges on the strength of the claim. In Kate's case, the claim is built on of a history of mixed signals and mixed drinks -- and the jury's still out on how that holds up in court.
But some plaintiffs have stronger cases: official relationship status, a few anniversaries on the record, perhaps. These things make for a more legitimate claim in our book.
But just as anyone with a good lawyer and big bank account has the potential to argue his or her way out of a courtroom conundrum, there is an argument to be made against even the best-supported claim.
The most idealistic among us may point out that one piece of the past should not stand in the way of a potentially perfect pairing. This idealist would say that claims are bogus, as is anything that stands in the way of future happiness, puppies, cupcakes...
A cynic might point out old wounds heal slowly and a friend dating a former flame is equivalent to a salt rub. This cynic might also point out that relationships in college are often short and not even so sweet
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