New COD! New COD! It's finally here! I'm so excited! I feel like Scrooge McDuck diving haphazardly into his ocean of gold coins and shimmering chalice -- but instead of jewels and riches, the impact of my feathery rump will be gently cushioned by EVAT 795L "Microclimatology Lab" and plenty of other such academic treasures.
The new COD has EVERYTHING!!! Go ahead, name something -- I guarantee the University has it. Hmm? What's that? Wait, did you say "Greco-Roman" or "Gecko-Roman?" ... Yeah, I thought so. See, okay, the thing is, "Gecko-Roman" isn't a real thing -- you just made it up to confound me. The other thing is, you're an idiot. Forget it, that's the last time I try to make this column interactive. You ruined it. I hope you realize what you've done.
Said one eager College student of the new COD: "These classes sound sweet! I'm so interested in these subjects that I may even try not to slack off next semester! I mean, I still definitely will -- slack off, that is. But man, if I have to fall desperately behind in some classes and lose faith in the value of what I'm studying by the time midterms roll around and deliver their bitter wake-up call, I'm glad it will be with these classes."
Indeed, 'tis the season for meeting with advisors and declaring majors, but more importantly, 'tis the season for Echols scholars to go into exile at safe havens outside Charlottesville until outrage over their priority registration has dwindled. But while these outcasts nervously await a return to the normal degree of contempt for nerdiness, the rest of us are preoccupied with staking out the most desirable classes for the spring. Here are some intriguing class-ifieds, courtesy of the current COD:
Among seminars for first years, the always popular USEM 171 "Keeping a Personal Journal" will be accompanied this spring by more voyeuristic classes like USEM 171A "Stealing a Personal Journal" and 171B "Facebook Stalking."
Winner for most cantankerous course name goes to the graduate pharmacology class, PHAR 680 "For the Last Time, People, We Have Absolutely Nothing to do with Agriculture."
For those of you for whom CHIN 402 "Advanced Readings in Modern Chinese" doesn't seem to promise quite the challenge and level of rigor you're seeking, fret not, for your prayers have been answered with CHIN 406 "Accelerated Advanced Readings in Modern Chinese." Unfortunately, the even more arduous CHIN 410 "Holy Shnikes, You've Gotta be on Freaking Opium to Take this Class" has been rescinded.
If you're like most students, you're probably saying to yourself, "Sure, I enjoyed taking Biostatistics. Who hasn't? But what can I actually DO with all that biostatistical goodness I've acquired?" Professor William A. Knaus can answer that restless query with two words (preceded by one handy mnemonic): HES 751 "Applied Biostatistics."
Nor will all you slackers out there be kept out of the fold: Take your pick from such slumber-inducing survey courses as HIST 023 "History of Mostly Stuff that Happened Before You Were Born" and MEOW 002 "Kitty Sound! Kitty Sound!"
If you're feeling flustered by the overwhelming variety and massive number of classes listed on the COD, you need to chill. The registrar has considerately arranged the following class to help students cope with their registration anxiety: PSYC 563 "Shhhhh, It's Ok, Go Ahead and Cry. That's it, Let It All Out. The COD Can't Hurt You. Come on, It's Only 15 Credits. WE ARE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS."
There has been one minor tweak to the system's calendar of which everyone should take note: The deadline to withdraw from a Spring 2006 class falls particularly early in the semester, namely the 14th of October, 2005 ... Wait a minute, that appears to be well before the scheduled add and drop deadlines -- in fact, hold on, that was two weeks ago. That can't be right, let me just cross-reference that ... Nope, I was right: Oct. 14, 2005. Looks like we're locked in now, kids.
So, how many credits are you going to take? If you answered "infinity hundred," I commend you -- unless you're in the Engineering School, in which case, stop being such a slacker, slacker.
Dan Dooley's column runs bi-weekly on Fridays. He can be reached at dooley@cavalierdialy.com.
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