It is a situation almost unimaginable to most -- what happens if you fall in love with a person who is HIV-positive? What does the risk of contracting HIV mean for a romantic and physical relationship?
For HIV-positive Shawn Decker and HIV-negative Gwenn Barringer, it meant the practical application of a lifelong advocacy message -- that practicing safe sex can prevent HIV infection.
For the past seven years, the Charlottesville natives have made their relationship work and have traveled the country speaking to college students about their own experiences with HIV, relationships and the importance of safe sex.
The couple gave a presentation at the University Wednesday night, in an event sponsored by AIDS Service, Awareness and Prevention.
For Barringer and Decker, safe sex isn't just a tag line; it's a necessary part of their lifestyle.
"When you're in our situation, there's not an option to just not use a condom this one time," Barringer said.
Their presentation treated the subjects of HIV and relationships with rare candor and even rarer humor. Decker joked frequently about his health, including his infant hemophilia diagnosis.
"They knew something was wrong when my circumcision looked like a reenactment of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre," he quipped.
Decker contracted the virus through blood product treatments for hemophilia during his childhood, at a time when blood products were not screened for HIV.
"One blood product treatment was the equivalent of having unprotected sex with a thousand people at once, and not nearly as fun," Decker said.
Decker was diagnosed with HIV in sixth grade. After high school, he began posting stories on his Web site, www.mypetvirus.com. Through the Web site, Decker began writing about his experiences with HIV.
Decker recently released book, entitled "My Pet Virus."
Barringer became involved with HIV education in college, after taking a class about HIV and AIDS.
She contacted Decker in conjunction with her HIV education efforts. The two soon met and became friends.
"Both of us realized we were having feelings that weren't just friendship," Barringer said.
Through their activism, Barringer and Decker were both extremely familiar with the ways HIV is spread and prevented. This familiarity made it possible for the two to pursue a romantic and sexual relationship, which provides living proof of the efficacy of condom use in preventing HIV infection.
"We use condoms each and every time," Decker said. "We've been together seven years, and we've never had a condom break or slip, and Gwenn has remained HIV negative."
Barringer and Decker responded openly to questions about their sexual habits. The two explained that they always use condoms during oral sex but do not use dental dams, calling them "cumbersome" and citing the low risk of infection.
"The only way I could infect her would be if I were bleeding into her vagina," Decker said in reference to cunnilingus.
The couple expressed their complete confidence in condom use, noting that most often condom failure results from human error.
In their presentations at colleges, where HIV infection rates are generally low, they emphasize the practice of safe sex in order to prevent all sexually transmitted infections, not just HIV.
"I try to generalize HIV and make it part of other sexually transmitted infections because, on campuses, they are rampant," Decker said.
The frequency of sexually transmitted infections amongs college-age people gives their message particular relevance on campuses.
"It resonates because they're young and they've had so many of the same life experiences that we've had," ASAP president Rebecca Elliott said.
Here at the University, the presentation also raises awareness of the prevalence of HIV/AIDS in the Charlottesville Community.
According to former ASAP president Steph Shaw, although infection rates at the University are probably lower then the national average, Charlottesville and the surrounding area is disproportionately affected by HIV/AIDS.
Barringer and Decker stressed the fact that people who are HIV positive can live regular lives. When asked if they would be able to have children, Barringer said it would be possible through a process known as "sperm washing," in which sperm is separated from semen and tested for HIV then implanted through in vitro or artificial insemination.
Both Barringer and Decker admit that their message has been met with resistance and disbelief.
"I think where we get [negative responses] is from people thinking I shouldn't have a sexual life," Decker said. "And people view Gwenn as somebody with a suicide wish."
For Decker, these reactions only highlight the necessity of better education about the spread of HIV.
"We're not in some form of denial," Decker said. "We actually know what we're talking about."
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